On and On

I hesitantly walked towards our room, silently wishing that I was still napping and this wasn’t happening and Braden’s alright. Joe’s fingers pressed into my shoulder and I took a side glance at his face that was weighed down with anxiousness.

“Joe...” I managed to get out before we walked out the door. My voice was shaky and my lip trembling. I needed him to tell me it was going to be alright. I needed him to say everything was fine. I needed reassurance from him. I needed it.

He turned to me, his eyes glazed over, pain etched on his face.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t tell me it was okay because he didn’t know.

The tears one the fight and left my body, running silently down my face. Joe pulled me closer to his side and kissed the side of my head and then pulling in a ragged breath.

He stepped away from me and walked into our room. I followed trying to prepare myself for the sight of Braden, but I made myself keep going. He was my baby and he needed me.

Joe had already picked up Braden, still wrapped in the thick blanket. He cradled him to his chest and turned to me. My heart broke right there, his small body was shaking, his breath coming in shallow, wheezing breaths. His face was pale, drenched with sweat, his half closed eyes tried focusing on me. He whimpered and opened his mouth but nothing came out but a forceful cough.

Joe’s large hand covered his mouth and my knees went weak when he turned his hand over. His palm was littered with small splatters of red. My shaking hand covered my mouth.

“Joe—is that—”

His face went grim and he nodded, biting his lip and closing his eyes.

“Oh my God.” I breathed.

I slipped on my shoes and a sweatshirt and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

“Let’s go.” I choked out, heading for the stairs.

I ran into Kevin in the foyer and he stopped me,

“Kayden, what’s going on, Joe just said I needed to come over right away.”

I covered my mouth, holding in a loud sob, “B-Braden.” I turned to the stairs, Kevin’s arms wrapping around me in a hug, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

Joe appeared next to us and Kevin gasped at the sight of his nephew.

“Oh—” He breathed, his whole face falling.

I stepped back from him, “Uh—We’ll call you—I don’t know how long we’ll be—the guest bedroom’s clean—.”

He nodded, “Alright, I’ll stay as long as you need me. Love you guys.” He said softly kissing Braden’s forehead.

I grabbed Joe’s keys from the table at the back door, with him close behind me.

“Here baby—take him—I’ll drive.” It was only then that I noticed my hands that were horribly shaking.

I slipped my arms around Braden, pulling him close to me, never letting my eyes leave his. Joe opened the back door, helping me slide in. He pecked my lips, letting his eyes lock on mine for a few seconds and then laid his hand on the side of Braden’s cheek, watching him carefully.

He closed our door and made his way to the driver’s seat, slipping in and quickly backing out of the drive way.

We were at the hospital within ten minutes, Joe helped me out and we ran into the emergency room, straight to the nurse’s station.

“M-my son, he’s—his fever is 104—and he’s n-not breathing right—and he’s coughing—” He looked over at me, “He’s coughing up blood.”

The nurse’s eyes widened and she ran down the hall, coming back with a bed, a doctor and two more nurses.

One of the nurses attempted to pull him from my arms and once I realized it, I held him tighter.

“N-n-no.”

Joe appeared next to her, “Kayden—they need to see what’s wrong with him.”

Braden was clutching to my shirt, not wanting to let go of me as much as I didn’t want to let go of him.

I shook my head, “I’m staying with him.”

She shook her head, “Ma’am—you can’t.”

She reached for him again and I turned my body away from her and my tears came harder with the realization that I wasn’t going to win this one.

Joe stepped in front of me, his eyes apologizing to me, laced with pain, he wrapped his strong arms around Braden and I knew I couldn’t fight against him.

“Joe.” I begged, tears streaking down my cheeks.

But, he stepped back, easily taking him from me. I heard Braden’s breath quickening.

“Braden.” I tried to call to him, but my voice cracked.

Joe handed him off to the doctor’s and I watched as they laid his weak body on the bed, the doctor leaning over and checking his pupils with a small flashlight, while one of the nurses handed his blanket back to Joe along with a clipboard of papers to fill out. I heard Braden’s weak cries becoming more panicked as the team of medical staff pushed his bed through the Authorized Personnel Only door.

I let a loud sob break from my throat when the doors swung back shut and I felt my knees go weak. Within seconds, Joe’s body was pressed against mine, his arms wrapped around me.

I pushed away from him, “Why?” I cried, staring up at him.

“Why’d you take him from me?” I sobbed, hitting his chest repeatedly. He closed his eyes, stray tears running down his face, letting me get my frustration out. “Why Joe? Why’d you let them take him from me? Why?” I choked.

I broke down, collapsing into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. His arms were quick to wrap around me, his hand pressed to the back of my head, cradling it to his chest, his own head lying on top of mine.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’m so sorry.” He whispered repeatedly in my ear.

“I know.” I mumbled. “I just want him. I want my baby—I want him to be okay.”

“Me too.” He sighed holding me tighter as I cried into his chest, my tears soaking his shirt.

Joe softly pulled me away from the doors, and to the nearly empty waiting room, sitting on a long cushioned bench next to the window. I scooted next to him, hugging Braden’s blanket close to my chest and wordlessly looking out the window while Joe filled out the hospital insurance papers.

My phone rang from my pocket and I answered it, without looking at the screen.

“Hello?” I asked, noticing Joe had stopped writing and turned his full attention to me.

“Hey Kay—it’s Kevin.”

“Hey Kev.”

“How’s he?” He asked cautiously.

“I don’t know.” I sighed, closing my eyes to push back the tears. “They took him from me.”

Joe’s hand slipped around mine and I squeezed it.

“Oh.” He sighed sadly. “Well—I didn’t want to call, but I just don’t know what to do—”

I heard Milo wailing in the background, and the sound getting louder and louder.

“What?” My eyes snapped open. “What’s wrong with him?”

Joe abandoned the clipboard and I turned to look at his worried face.

“Oh—no, sorry—it’s nothing like that. Oh God—I’m sorry.” I sighed and gave Joe a reassuring nod. “He’s just—he wants Braden and he won’t stop crying—for me or McKenna—”

I felt a few tears slip down my face. Of course he wanted his brother, never had they ever been apart from each other. He knows something is wrong.

“Put him on.”

I heard the phone rustling and Kevin talking lightly to Milo, “Here bud—it’s mommy.”

“M-mommy?” He hiccupped into the phone.

“Hey baby—what’s the matter?”

“Bwaden.” He sobbed. “Mommy…Bwaden.”

“Braden’s with mommy and daddy, sweetie. He’s sick.” I choked, biting the insides of my cheeks. Joe’s hand left mine and moved to rubbing my back between my shoulder blades.

“I want Bwaden.” He cried.

“I know baby. Soon.” I promised him, more tears coming, a sickness settling in my stomach even thinking that promise would be broken.

He continued crying.

“Honey, is Moe there?” I asked, referring to Braden’s stuffed hippo that Denise had gotten for each of them when they were born, except Milo had a giraffe named Henry.”

“Mmhmm.” He hummed.

“Well I need you to take care of him for Braden until he comes back, okay?”

“Okay.” He whimpered.

“Alright, now why don’t you ask Uncle Kevin if you can watch Wall.e, you love that one, huh?”

“Uh huh.” His voice perked up and I heard him talking to Kevin, “No, this one Uncle Kwevin.”

“Okay, be good for him until mommy and daddy come home with Braden, okay sweetie?”

“Mmkay, wuv you mommy.” His said, his voice still sad.

“Love you too Milo.” I smiled and saw Joe motioning at himself. “Daddy says he loves you, too.” Joe nodded and I leaned closer to him so he could hear.

“I wuv daddy.” He said loudly.

I smiled, “Let me talk to Uncle Kevin.”

“Hey Kay. Thanks so much.”

I sighed, “No problem. I assume he gave you Wall.e?”

He laughed, “Yeah, quite forcefully, I might add.”

I smiled, that was Milo for you.

“Alright, he should fall asleep to that. Call if you need anything else.”

“Will do. Thanks again, and keep me updated, alright?” He asked softly.

“Yeah. I agreed, “Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

“Milo’s upset.” I whispered, leaning into Joe’s side.

“They’ve never been apart.” He pointed out.

“I know.” I sighed.

Joe got up after a few minutes, walking the short distance to the nurse’s station handing them all of Braden’s paper word and I heard her assure him the doctor would be out soon for an update.

He sat down next to me, wrapping both arms around me and pulling me close to him, kissing the side of my head. I turned and looped my legs over his, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Joe?” I whispered after a few silent moments.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I’m scared.” I whimpered.

He pulled back, so he could look down, his eyes locking on mine.

“Joe.” I croaked, the tears sliding quickly down my face. “I want him to be okay, I want our baby to be okay.”

“I know.” He admitted. “Me too. But, you know what?”

“Hmm?” I hummed, not trusting my voice.

“He’s a fighter, and there are people in there that are doing all they can to make sure he is okay. You just have to believe. Believe in him and believe in them.”

I nodded and let him wipe the tears from my cheeks. I nuzzled my head under his chin and did the only thing I could do…wait.

Wait and hope.

It had been at least two hours.

I was getting anxious.

“Baby. Please calm down. Stop stressing.” He pleaded, rubbing a hand across my swollen stomach.

“Joe.” I snapped, “How can you tell me to fucking be calm right now?” I glared at him.

His face morphed to sadness and he pulled his hands away from me softly shaking his head.

I sighed after a few moments, turning to look at his profile, I could see the corners of his mouth turned down, his whole body faced away from me, arms crossed over his chest. I felt tears springing to my eyes knowing he needed me for comfort just as much as I needed him.

“Joseph.” I whimpered, wanting for him to look at me.

He didn’t but I saw him fighting the urge to, stealing side glances at me.

I set my hand softly on his forearm, tracing the contours of his muscles with my fingertips.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered tears slipping down my cheeks, “I-I just—I’m so—” I couldn’t finish because a sob choked it’s way out of my throat and the tears came harder.

“Shh.” He moved quickly before I even knew what was happening, I was halfway in his lap. I buried my head in the side of his neck, sponging light kisses. “I’m sorry.” I repeated, “I’m so sorry—I just—Braden—” I cried.

“Shh—shh.” I shushed me quietly, running his fingers down my back. “I know—it’s alright.”

I let myself calm down, relaxing into him. He looked down at me, tracing his fingers along my face, “I just need you to take care of the baby, okay. Let me take care of everything else. Just please—take care of him, alright?” He asked once again rubbing my stomach.

I nodded and he continued, “I know you’re worrying about Braden, I am too. But, don’t worry yourself sick.”

I nodded again and pecked his lips softly, “I love you.” I whispered.

“Love you too.” He smiled, pressing his forehead to mine.

We sat in silence for a while when I heard, “Jonas?” echo through the room.

I looked up at Joe for confirmation that I wasn’t dreaming that and he helped me off his lap, quickly standing up next to me, grabbing my hand in his and pulling me to the nurse’s station.

“Jonas.” He confirmed when we reached the counter.

She nodded and motioned for us to follow her, “Dr. Jacks will see you in his office.”

I numbly followed Joe and the nurse down the bright hallway and she showed us into a room where a doctor sat in his chair, looking over the glasses perched on his nose at papers in a file laid out in front of him.

“The Jonas’” The nurse announced.

Dr. Jacks looked up from his desk and nodded at her, “Thank you, Emma.” She nodded and walked out and he motioned to the two chairs in front of his desk. Joe helped me ease into the chair and scooted his closer to mine, lacing his fingers through my own.

He smiled at us, “I’m Robert Jacks. I’ve been tending to your son.”

Joe reached out and shook his head, “Joe.” He clarified. I simply gave him a nod, “Kayden.” I spoke softly.

He nodded, “Well I want to assure you that your son has been in the best of care, this facility is—”

“Excuse me.” I interrupted him, “That’s all very interesting information that I honestly don’t care to know, can you please just tell me what’s wrong with my son.” I asked quietly, on the verge of another breakdown.

Joe squeezed my hand, silently telling me how rude I was but not verbalizing anything because he wanted to know the same thing. I mean really, I don’t give a damn if your hospital compares to a five star hotel, I’m not interested, what I’m interested in is my child.

“Right—my apologies—do forgive me.” I nodded and he continued, “Braden is a twin, correct?” We both nodded.

“Well as you know, they’re twice the work, but it was also twice the work for your body during pregnancy. So it seems his right lung had a malfunction that was looked over after birth and in the process of repairing itself, a cyst formed. The more stress it put on the lung, the harder it became for him. Anything could have disrupted it, he could’ve moved the wrong way in his sleep or fell—but it triggered it and his body reacted, causing flu like symptoms and the coughing.”

Joe’s grip on my hand and tightened, considerably. “So?” He asked hesitantly.

“Can it be fixed?” I asked.

“He’s been on antibiotics and breathing treatments for the passed few hours. We have him stabilized.”

We both sighed in relief and Joes fingers started their comforting movements along my knuckles.

“I just wanted to bring you two in here and tell you that for the next month, he’ll have to do a breathing treatment every 6 hours. The medication in the fumes are neutralizing and slowly killing the cyst without surgery. He’ll also be on antibiotics for a while that keep him protected without the chance of triggering again in recovery.”

We nodded simultaneously again.

“I need you to know that this is serious. If he was brought in any later, the consequences could have been extremely worse. These treatments and antibiotics need to be given to him faithfully, understand?”

I felt myself robotically nod again, “So he’s going to be okay?” I asked.

“Yes.” He nodded, “As long as he’s treated correctly, he’ll be fine.”

I let all the breath out of my lungs and felt the tears silently slip down my cheeks, the weight lifted off of my shoulders. I turned to Joe who was already looking at me, his eyes pooling with tears. He stood and pulled me from my chair and holding me in a hug, tight to his chest.

“Yes.” He whispered. “Thank God. He’s okay. He’s okay, baby. I love you.” He breathed. “He’s okay.” He repeated again.

“Thank you.” Joe smiled, shaking the doctor’s hand over my shoulder. “Thank you so much.”

“Would you like to see him?”

I turned to him quickly, my eyes bright, beaming at him and nodding my head, “Can we?” I asked hesitantly.

He nodded, “Follow me.”

We walked nervously down the hall, not sure what to expect. My arm was wrapped around Joe, my other holding onto his hand. Dr. Jacks lead us into a room and I saw him, relief washing over my body. He was turned away from us, focused on a nurse who was reading him a book.

She smiled up at us and slipped the breathing mask from his face.

“Braden.” I said softly, unable to get my voice above a whisper. I unwound my hands from Joe and rushed to the side of his bed, leaning over him.

“Mommy.” He sighed, all anxiousness leaving his eyes. His small arms reaching up and clasping around my neck, pulling me to him. Tears once again leaked from my eyes, but this time from pure happiness. He was okay.

Joe appeared on his other side, lightly running his fingers over his cheek,

“Hey buddy.”

He smiled up at Joe, releasing me and holding his arms out to Joe, begging for a hug. Joe obliged and leaned down, letting his short arms engulf him.

He began to cough and a nurse brushed past me slipping the breathing mask back on his face.

“Sorry.” She apologized, stepping back. “Maybe he’ll get some sleep. He’s been upset for a while.”

I nodded and smiled at her, “Thanks for staying with him.”

She returned the gesture, “Of course. He’s amazing.” She confirmed, before turning and heading to the door.

I smiled down at Braden, unable to rip my eyes away from him.

Joe walked around the bed and stepped behind me slipping his arms around my waist and setting his head on my shoulder, pressing soft kisses to the side of my neck.

Braden watched us lazily, his eyes drooping closed until they finally remained closed and he drifted off to sleep.