Worlds Keep Spinning Round

“OMG I am so excited to see you. When will you get here?”

I laughed at the person on the other side of the phone conversation. “Calm down Sarah. We are on the West Coast but it’s going to take a few days for us to get to LA. Remember the guys have another concert today and a few after that before we go to LA. We’re going to be there for a few weeks because they have their vacation during that period. So we’ll have plenty of time to hang out together,” I told her.

“Ugh fine. But that still doesn’t change the fact that I really want to see you. Four months is way too long,” she replied.

I laughed at her. She acted like a little kid sometimes. “Sarah, we talk everyday on the phone and via text message and e-mail.”

“Yea, but that’s not the same as seeing you. How will I even recognize you?”

“Haha. Don’t worry. I haven’t changed too much. We’ll just meet at the usual place. I’ll call you with the date and time later ok?”

“Ok fine. Love ya babe,” she said.

“Right back atcha,” I told her and hung up.

We were at the end of November and the holidays were quickly approaching. We had made our way all the way across the country and I had grown even closer to the band. A few days after my birthday, I finally realized that I liked Joe more than Garbo (took me a while I know). I spent a couple of days trying to figure out how to tell Garbo, but none of the things I came up with sounded good enough. Whatever I said, I knew he was going to get hurt. I tried to put it off as long as I could, but then that night happened.

It was about two and a half weeks ago. The guys had just finished up an awesome show in Dallas, Texas and we were on our bus, on our way to the next city. I guess it was kind of obvious to everyone that my feelings for Garbo had cooled down a bit (ok a lot). I mean, I hadn't flirted with him in days, I always made sure that we weren't ever left alone, and it was just awkward when he tried to flirt with me (apparently he hadn't picked up on any of my subtle hints). I don't know what happened to me that night. I guess I was so jazzed about the concert or something, because when Garbo asked me to watch a movie with him, I agreed. You might be wondering 'What's wrong with watching a movie?', well trust me, a lot of things can go wrong.

The beginning wasn't too bad, John and Jack watched the first few minutes and then decided they were too tired, so they went to bed. This is when things started to go downhill. Trying to put as much space between me and Garbo, I laid down on the couch and focused on the television screen, making sure that my back was to him. But I wasn't really focusing on the commotion on the screen (ok, so there was that one scene where Shia LaBeof looked absolutely gorgeous and I just had to put my thoughts aside for a while). I was thinking about when, and how I was going to tell Garbo that I thought we should just be friends. That's when he decided to start tracing his finger up the soles of my bare feet, catching me by surprise, and making me shoot my legs straight up, which ended up in him being kicked in the face.

"Oh my goodness. I am so sorry," I said, straightening up and rushing over to him. "Are you ok? I didn't break anything did I?" I asked, brushing the hair out of his face so that I could take a closer look and assure myself nothing was broken. There wasn't any blood, so that was a good sign.

He chuckled slightly and grabbing onto my shoulders said, "I'm fine Nat."

The physical contact made me stop my fussing in a heart beat. "You just surprised me, that's all," I said in a whisper, trying to defend myself.

"I know," he whispered. He traced the length of my right arm with his hand and tucked a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear. Before I even registered what was happening, his right hand was cupped around my neck, supporting my head as he gave me a deep kiss right on the mouth! I was so shocked that I didn't move for a good fifteen seconds. I had been so sure that I didn't have strong feelings for him anymore, but that kiss...

Then my conscience flashed an image of Joe in my brain and I realized what was happening. I brought my hands up his chest and settled them on his shoulders, pulling back softly. "Garbo," I whispered as his head rested against my forehead.

"You have absolutely no idea how long I have been waiting to do that," he said in a breathless voice. I could hear the smile in his voice and the only thought running through my head was, Now how am I supposed to do this? He opened his eyes and looked at me, his eyes filled with so much intensity and emotion.

His gaze was so piercing, I just had to look away. "Garbo, I-" I brought my hands down to my lap and stared intently at them. "This shouldn't have happened," I whispered, praying to God that he hadn't heard me. But I just didn't have that sort of luck.

He pulled his head back and I could feel his fierce gaze on me. "What?" he whispered, catching me by surprise. I was expecting his tone to be harsh and angry. Instead, the question was asked with hurt and confusion dripping from his voice.

I guess tonight's the night. "We're better off as friends," I replied, staring at my bare feet as if they were the most interesting things in the world at the moment. There was no way I was going to look at him. I knew I would regret it if I did.

"So all those months of flirting..." he trailed off, his voice starting to show how angry he was.

"I thought I had been making it clear these last couple of days," I said, looking up abruptly, and man did I regret it. I had been expecting an angry and pissed off glare, because those were the emotions his voice was expressing. And I could have dealt with that, because I truly deserved to have him be mad at me. What I couldn't handle was those deep brown eyes that expressed just how hurt, surprised, and upset he was. I looked back down at my hands and I could feel the lump rising in my throat and the tears forming in my eyes.

As if things hadn't already gotten awkward between us, Jack just happened to walk into the lounge at that precise moment. Taking one look at Garbo's hurt expression and the tears welling in my eyes, he said, "Uh, maybe I should come back later."

As he turned to walk away, Garbo blurted, "No! That's ok. We were done here." He shot up off the couch and stomped his way to his bunk. Once I heard his curtain close, the tears that I had been trying my hardest to hold at bay poured out of my eyes. Jack was at my side not even a second later, pulling me into a hug and rubbing my back in a soothing manner.

"Shhh. It's gonna be ok," he said, even though he had no idea what had just happened. I didn't say anything though. I just cried into his shoulder for a long time. I assume at some point the crying had stopped and I had fallen asleep because the next thing I remembered was me waking up in my bunk the next morning. The first thing that popped into my head was the events of the previous night and I again started crying, quietly this time so that no one heard my sobs.

I felt like crap that whole day and avoided everybody, which confused the Jonas' and John beyond belief. The whole me-avoiding-people-thing went on for four days until Garbo pulled me aside one day after a concert. "Listen, we need to talk," he said.

"About what?" I asked, not daring to look at him. I learned my lesson the last time.

"I think you know what," he replied, the anger growing in his voice. I looked up at him, trying really hard not to cry in front of him again. I guess the tears brimming at the tips of my eyes was a dead giveaway that I was upset about this situation just as much as he was because, the fierce anger that had been flashing in his eyes was gone a second later.

"I really hate this," I whispered, as a single tear escaped and I looked away again.

"You? You weren't the one that had your feelings hurt," he said, his voice still a bit icy.

My head snapped back up and I fixed him with a stern glare. "That doesn't mean this is any easier on me. Do you think it was my intention to hurt you that way? I knew that no matter how I told you, you were going to get upset. Which is why I didn't come right out and say it. I thought dropping the hints I did would make you realize that and you'd back off. But you didn't and I just couldn't keep leading you on that way. I truly am sorry," I said, my voice ranging from angry to upset to apologetic.

He stared at me for a long time, not saying anything, with a blank expression on his face. I shook my head and started to walk towards the exit, where everyone was undoubtedly wondering what had happened to us. "Apology accepted." I stopped with my hand resting against the door and turned to face Garbo. He was walking slowly towards me, all anger gone. "I hate this too. I miss talking to you, laughing with you, and just hearing your voice. I want things to go back to the way they were," he said, standing right in front of me.

Has he not listened to anything I've said these last few days? "They can't go back to the way they were."

"I mean, I want us to be friends again. I want us to hang out on the bus and goof off without things getting weird between us."

"I want that too. But do you think that will happen with the feelings you have?"

"I can control my emotions. I promise," he said, wrapping my in a hug. And he definitely kept his promise. It wasn't even two days later till we were all hanging out like none of that drama had happened between us. Now that all the drama was behind us, I saw these guys as my second family. Garbo, Jack, and John were absolutely the funniest bunch of guys. I had a blast hanging out with them on our bus. Kevin very quickly became like the older brother I never had (and thanked God I didn't have...can you say overprotective). I could go to him with anything and he would always be there to listen. He also gave the best advice on stuff. Things between Nick and I were better than ever. He was like a little brother to me. He got annoying sometimes but I could never stay mad at him for more than like a minute. He was a lot wiser than people gave him credit for and often gave me advice when Kevin wasn’t around. And then there was Joe.

After that whole ordeal with Garbo, I tried to cool things down with Joe as well. But as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t see him as a brother. I hung out with the band everyday and every night and Joe was the one I grew closest to. He was like my best friend. Whenever we hung out and watched scary movies (which had become our Friday night tradition) he was always there to protect me. At all their concerts, he would always dedicate a song to me and sing it without taking his eyes off of me (well not technically because that would be completely obvious, but you get what I mean). We shared many memorable moments, but I never really told him that I liked him as more than a friend (and I didn't plan on doing that any time soon either). Of all the times we spent together, my favorite was when he took me out to dinner on my birthday a month ago. The necklace he gave me became a symbol of one of the best days of my life. I never take it off.

“Hey, were you just talking to Sarah?” asked Kevin as he came into view. We had all been playing video games in their back lounge when the call came in and I had gone to the bunk area to finish the conversation (all because Joe had been yelling at Nick for cheating when in reality, Joe totally sucked). I was currently sitting on the bunk that had been assigned to me on their bus.

“Yea I was,” I answered.

He shook his head. “You know, I am actually really looking forward to meeting her. You talk to her like everyday and it’s obvious she is very important to you.”

A smile instantly appeared on my face. “Yea she is. She’s always been like my older sister. She’s been there for me so many times. Especially last year when…” I stopped instantly. Now that the one year anniversary of Todd’s death was coming up, I found myself remembering a lot of the things that happened. And being in LA for the anniversary wasn’t exactly any help.

“Last year when what?” Kevin asked urging me to continue.

“Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind. I’m actually really excited for you guys to meet her. It’ll be like a little reunion of my ‘siblings’ who aren’t really my siblings,” I said quickly changing the subject.

Kevin just scrunched his eyebrows. He knew I was hiding something but didn’t push it. “Well, we’ll be in LA soon enough. Come on, we were gonna go out for lunch. I was sent in here to get you.”

I sighed, glad he hadn’t pushed me to talk about that incident. “Ok, let me just change.” I grabbed an outfit, went into the bathroom and changed. I came out a few minutes later and we left for lunch.

JB—JB—JB—JB—JB

“Natalie, can I have a word with you please?”

We were just getting back from lunch when I heard Josh talking behind us. We all stopped and turned around. He didn’t look happy, which scared me. Joe had been walking next to me with his arm over my shoulder. He put his arm down and the six of them gave me sympathetic smiles and kept walking towards the arena.

“Sure Josh, what’s up?” I asked showing little confidence. My boss really scared me. I don’t know why, but he didn’t really seem to like me.

“I was actually wondering the same thing myself,” he said.

I looked at him totally confused. “Excuse me?”

“What is going on between you and Joseph?” he asked sternly.

I was taken aback. I had tried really hard to not give Josh any reason to suspect that I was interested in Joe. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean. Joe and I are just really good friends. That’s all,” I told him.

“You two seem to be awfully chummy to be ‘just friends’.”

“Well, we are. There’s nothing going on there,” I assured him because (unfortunately) there really wasn't.

“Good. Keep it that way,” he said. He turned around and started to walk away. He stopped and turned back around. “As a matter of fact, I don’t want to see you hanging out with him. And I don’t want to hear anyone tell me that you two have been together.” He turned around again and walked away, leaving me dumbfounded in the middle of the arena parking lot.

I just stared after him in disbelief. Did he seriously just forbid me to spend time with Joe? I rolled my eyes and walked onto my bus. Things between us all had just gotten to a normal level. All the drama was behind us and we were all just having fun on tour. And now Josh has to go and do something like this? Now what am I supposed to do with my time if I can't hang out with Nick, Joe, and Kevin? I flopped down on my bunk and flipped the TV screen down, going through the channels until I found a rerun of Gilmore Girls. The guys were currently at sound check, so that left me all by myself with my thoughts, which isn't necessarily a good thing, because I came up with a plan that wasn't going to be fun at all.

Putting my plan into action, I called Josh and told him that I had a headache and that I wouldn't be able to work the merchandise table tonight. That means I wasn't going to hang out with the band during lock down like I normally did or stand backstage either. I just stayed on my bus. That way, I wouldn’t have to see Joe.

God this is so boring! I never noticed how long their concerts were, but sitting on this bus all by myself watching FX movies just shows me how much more entertaining working backstage is. Oh goody commercials. Deciding to take a break, I got up and walked over to the kitchenette. I poked my head in the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of XXX vitamin water, then reluctantly made my way back to my bunk. I had just sat back down and closed the curtain when I heard the guys getting on the bus. Then I heard Joe calling me from the front of the bus. Crap, what is he doing here? He should be on his bus!! I quickly flipped the TV screen back up and made believe I was asleep.

“Aww, look at how cute she looks when she’s asleep,” I heard Joe say after he ripped my curtain open.

“Yea, she’s probably just really tired. Uncle Josh has been working her really hard lately. I wonder why he acts that way with her,” I heard Nick’s voice.

“Ok, well let’s go before we wake her up,” Kevin said. I heard them leaving and opened my eye just a wink. Big mistake. At that exact same moment, Kevin had looked back at me and saw that I wasn’t really asleep. He didn’t say anything. He just shook his head and followed his brothers. This can't be good.

JB—JB—JB—JB—JB

The next morning we were headed to one last venue before going to LA. Tim, my bus driver, told me we had stopped to get gas. I hopped off the bus and ran into the shop. I was dying for a diet coke. As soon as I opened the door, I wished I hadn’t. The guys were in there looking around the store for snacks.

“Hey Nat,” Joe immediately said with a huge smile on his face. Geez, this is gonna be harder than I thought.

“Hey guys,” I said. I gave them each a smile and went to grab a few Coke’s. I was at the register when Joe came up behind me.

“Hey, missed you at the concert last night,” he whispered in my ear. This sent a series of unwanted shivers up and down my spine.

I turned around and gave him an apologetic smile. “Yea, I had some sleeping to catch up on.” I saw Josh coming towards the shop out of the corner of my eye. “Alright well I have to go. Bye,” I said quickly and rushed out the store. I passed Josh and didn’t make any eye contact.

I was in the front lounge of my bus watching TV and drinking my Coke when Kevin hopped on. Immediately Tim closed the door and we started moving. Crap! I shut my eyes and groaned. I was looking forward to having the bus all to myself, but now there was no way of escaping the conversation that was to come. I opened my eyes and saw Kevin staring at me as. I rolled me eyes and said, “Ok, why don’t you ask the question and I’ll see if I feel like answering it,” I told him.

He stared at me for a few seconds contemplating which question he wanted answered first. After a while he asked, “Ok, so what was last night all about? First you completely miss our concert, and then pretend to be asleep when we come looking for you?”

“I was tired and fell asleep. That’s why I missed the concert. I was asleep when you guys came on the bus but then someone's loud, obnoxious mouth woke me up and I opened my eyes right as you looked at me,” I told him. He read right through my lie and just crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows at me. “Ok fine. I wasn’t tired at all and I did pretend to be asleep when you guys came on the bus.”

“Well obviously. But why? What’s wrong?”

I sighed and pouted. I looked up at him with my sad puppy eyes. “Well, when we got back from lunch yesterday, and Josh asked to talk to me, he asked me what was going on between me and Joe. I told him that we were just friends and he told me to keep it that way.”

“Whoa, harsh,” he said, turning fully towards me, totally interested in the new turn of events.

“Yea I know. He also said I wasn’t allowed to spend any time with Joe.”

Kevin’s eyes were as huge as saucers. “No way! So you did all that to avoid Joe?”

He catches on fast. “Yea.”

“And that’s why you ran out of the shop earlier. Cuz you saw Uncle Josh coming and didn’t want him to see you talking to Joe.”

Really fast!! “Exactly. Now you know why I can’t spend time with you guys during lock down or hang out on your bus anymore. I have no idea how I’m going to stand backstage when Joe dedicates a song to me every night and sings it to me. He isn’t going to make this easy,” I said tearing up.

Kevin immediately pulled me into a hug. “Aww, I am so sorry Uncle Josh is doing this to you,” he said. We sat in silence for a while. His hugs really were comforting. I needed it more than he could have imagined.

I pulled back and wiped my eyes. “You have to help me Kev,” I told him, my bottom lip quivering just a bit.

“Help you how?” he asked.

“You have to talk to Joe and tell him to lay low. You know, tell him to stop dedicating songs to me and to concentrate on his performance and let me do my job.” Kevin looked away. “Please Kevin. You have to understand how hard this is for me. Joe means a lot to me and not being able to talk to him is,” I stopped. I didn’t even want to think about what the tour would be like if I continued to not hang out with the band.

Kevin looked back at me. “Ok, I’ll try my best,” he said. I gave him another grateful hug and a kiss on the cheek.

He pulled back and looked me straight in the eye. “Now about this other problem,” he started.

I scrunched my eyebrows and asked, “What other problem?” He can’t possibly be talking about…

“You have been acting really weird all month. And yesterday when we were talking I found out what was wrong.”

“You found out? How?”

“Well, I don’t know all the details, but I do know you are haunted by something that happened before you moved. Your expression right now tells me I’m right, like always. Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” I said sternly. “I never ever want to talk about that. And please don’t ever bring it up either. It’s something that caused me too much pain and I don’t want to remember it.”

He stared at me for a long time and I was really hoping he didn’t probe me with any more questions. He finally sighed and nodded his head. I heaved a sigh of relief as he grabbed the remote off the couch and started flipping through the channels. Not another word was said.

JB—JB—JB—JB—JB

“Hey guys, have you seen Kevin anywhere?” Joe asked his band mates.

“Uh yea, he said he was gonna hang out with Nat on her bus till we got to the next venue. Why?” Nick answered not looking up from his guitar.

Joe walked over to the couch and plopped down. He slumped his shoulders and buried his face in his hands. After a few seconds he looked back up. “I was gonna talk to him about her. She’s been acting so weird these last few days. Haven’t you guys noticed it?”

They all shook their heads. “No not really. She seems pretty normal to me,” John answered pausing the game him and the other two were playing.

“That’s just it. Around you guys she seems to be fine, but whenever I come in the picture she acts all weird and makes an excuse to leave. And I have no idea what I did to make her act that way,” Joe said pulling at his hair a little.

“She’s a girl, she’s gonna be moody sometimes. Just give her some time to get over whatever she is going through,” John said starting the game again.

“Right. Time.”