‹ Prequel: I Do Not Fall For Boys
I've Got A Mosaic Heart
I wish i'd never fallen for a boy
BAM’S POV
I punched him...my fist collided with that picture perfect pale face of his.
That exact moment after I walked off I wished I could go back in time and instead of hitting him like some schoolyard bully I wanted to just hold him to me, apologize for whatever I did and have him there.
The look of hurt in his eyes, the eyes I fell for, nothing could ever block. It was as if someone had painted that image on my eyelids and no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did I saw it every time I closed my eyes.
How could I just hit him like that? It made me feel ill in the pit of my stomach, I’d just beaten him. I don’t hit people, I don’t hurt people, I hurt myself for other people amusement for Jackass. I’d hurt myself many times from my own stupidity but never had I been this stupid or hurt.
“You ok?” Lindé asked sitting across from me. Sure I’m fine I just tried to kill my boyfriend...well really that should be ex, I beat him he’s never gonna want me back.
“Uh, yeah I just wanna be alone” I replied quickly.
“Ok...if that’s what you want” he replied and slinked out the door.
I sat there in complete darkness for a long time, staring at my cell phone hoping it would ring and I would hear Ville’s soothing voice. Silence, the phone remained still and dark as the glowing screen faded to darkness.
VILLE’S POV
He hates me, he hit me. He purposely went out of his way to physically hurt me, he hates me. I rubbed my reddened jaw and flinched slightly.
I decided to take a walk to clear my mind, it wasn’t really working but at least I didn’t have to see that look of disgust on Bam’s face when he looked at me.
As I wandered the streets it made me feel like all of America was infested with a choking air, but really it wasn’t America it was my part of America, Bam. Everything reminded me of him – the kids in baggy clothes skating around laughing like maniacs every time one fell from his board; the restaurants where we’d eaten, the bars where we’d got so drunk we woke up on the other side of town, then I stopped dead in my tracks. The school. I paused at it’s gates and trailed my hand along the cold steel bars, cold like that last look Bam had given me. My gaze fell to my shoes and I let my hand slip from the flaking paint bars.
Back when we’d first met, the memories rang clear. I hated this place I hated it because it was where I’d met Bam. I hated it because I loved him and he hated me, he couldn’t even stand to look at me and when he did he gave me looks that hurt just as much as no looks at all.
I hated America for making me think of Bam so I made the decision to head back to Finland, my home. Though it hadn’t been back to my home in so long I still felt a connection to it. I mean I lived there for 17 years before I came to America, 17 years before I’d met Bam. 17 years before I’d felt the same emptiness I’d felt now but before I met him it wasn’t that bad because I never had anything to miss, I’d never loved anyone like I love him. You know how people say they feel like their hearts had been ripped out, well I honestly didn’t think you could ever feel like your heart was literally torn out but at the moment my heart felt it had been torn out and blended up and the leftovers were left like a sour taste in my mouth. I wish I’d never fallen for a boy...a boy named Bam Margera.
I punched him...my fist collided with that picture perfect pale face of his.
That exact moment after I walked off I wished I could go back in time and instead of hitting him like some schoolyard bully I wanted to just hold him to me, apologize for whatever I did and have him there.
The look of hurt in his eyes, the eyes I fell for, nothing could ever block. It was as if someone had painted that image on my eyelids and no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did I saw it every time I closed my eyes.
How could I just hit him like that? It made me feel ill in the pit of my stomach, I’d just beaten him. I don’t hit people, I don’t hurt people, I hurt myself for other people amusement for Jackass. I’d hurt myself many times from my own stupidity but never had I been this stupid or hurt.
“You ok?” Lindé asked sitting across from me. Sure I’m fine I just tried to kill my boyfriend...well really that should be ex, I beat him he’s never gonna want me back.
“Uh, yeah I just wanna be alone” I replied quickly.
“Ok...if that’s what you want” he replied and slinked out the door.
I sat there in complete darkness for a long time, staring at my cell phone hoping it would ring and I would hear Ville’s soothing voice. Silence, the phone remained still and dark as the glowing screen faded to darkness.
VILLE’S POV
He hates me, he hit me. He purposely went out of his way to physically hurt me, he hates me. I rubbed my reddened jaw and flinched slightly.
I decided to take a walk to clear my mind, it wasn’t really working but at least I didn’t have to see that look of disgust on Bam’s face when he looked at me.
As I wandered the streets it made me feel like all of America was infested with a choking air, but really it wasn’t America it was my part of America, Bam. Everything reminded me of him – the kids in baggy clothes skating around laughing like maniacs every time one fell from his board; the restaurants where we’d eaten, the bars where we’d got so drunk we woke up on the other side of town, then I stopped dead in my tracks. The school. I paused at it’s gates and trailed my hand along the cold steel bars, cold like that last look Bam had given me. My gaze fell to my shoes and I let my hand slip from the flaking paint bars.
Back when we’d first met, the memories rang clear. I hated this place I hated it because it was where I’d met Bam. I hated it because I loved him and he hated me, he couldn’t even stand to look at me and when he did he gave me looks that hurt just as much as no looks at all.
I hated America for making me think of Bam so I made the decision to head back to Finland, my home. Though it hadn’t been back to my home in so long I still felt a connection to it. I mean I lived there for 17 years before I came to America, 17 years before I’d met Bam. 17 years before I’d felt the same emptiness I’d felt now but before I met him it wasn’t that bad because I never had anything to miss, I’d never loved anyone like I love him. You know how people say they feel like their hearts had been ripped out, well I honestly didn’t think you could ever feel like your heart was literally torn out but at the moment my heart felt it had been torn out and blended up and the leftovers were left like a sour taste in my mouth. I wish I’d never fallen for a boy...a boy named Bam Margera.