Relationship Suicide

Her sobs were hysterical, her breathing uneven as she tried to calm herself down. Whenever she tried, inhaling deeply, in and out, Mark's hurt face would burst into her mind, cutting through her calm thoughts. And so she would become hysterical all over again. Honor thought she was going to cry herself dry, with the buckets of tears that kept flowing from her eyes and down her cheeks.

The pillow beneath her bed was soaked, stained with salty tears and Honor's colourful make up. Her mother wouldn't be pleased, but right now Honor didn't care for how much washing he mother would have to do. She was only bothered about herself and the one she had hurt so much.

She felt like a knife, sharp and shiny. Stabbing away at Mark, hacking through skin and muscle, watching the blood pour, until there was nothing left to hurt. He'd be numb, feeling nothing towards her, not even hatred. She hated herself for doing this to him. She had the chance to stop it, end it with George, but as usual, lust had clouded her thoughts and she took him back.

"Honor, darling," her mother's voice cut through her sobs, begging to be allowed access to her eldest daughter's bedroom. Katrina Flint was unaware of her daughter's problems, she didn't know about George. She couldn't possibly understand. "Darling, George is here to see you, are you going to let him in?"

Honor sniffled, wiping her cheeks, she sat up from her curled up position and shuffled off the bed, padding towards the door. She unbolted it and turned the handle, allowing it to creak open. She turned back and threw herself down on the bed, curling up into a ball again, her back to her mother and George.

"You'll let me know when you find out what's wrong with her, won't you? She's been crying ever since she got back and she won't talk to anyone," her mother's tone was soft, and Honor could imagine her perfectly manicured hand resting upon George's arm, grabbing his attention.

"Yeah, that's if she'll tell me," George said, quietly. The next thing Honor heard was the creak of the door closing, then the click of the lock.

"Why are you here?" She asked, her voice was thick, tears brimming in her eyes once again. She tried to hold them back, not wanting them to fall. This feeling was the worst she'd ever felt in her entire life.

"I'm checking up on you, Honor. Because unlike the others I actually give a damn about you. I want you to be okay, it hurts to see you cry or be in any kind of pain."

She turned over and sat herself up, pulling her knees up to her chest, taking up as little space as she possibly could. "You told them all, you could've denied it, no one was there to back Jack up! All of this is your fault, George. I hate you for being so cocky and so stupidly irresistible. Why have me when you could have any girl in Hemsley. No, scratch that, any girl in the world, George, but you choose me, your best friends sodding girlfriend!"

"I've liked you way longer than Mark ever has done. Trust me on that. That day we ended up sat together in maths just decided it all for me. I actually thank Mr Preston every day that he decided to sit us together, he was right when he said we worked well together." He shook his head, "and you're wrong when you said there was no one there to back up Jack, because Bianca was there."

"I hate that I love you, seriously George." The tears seemed to have stopped, but she couldn't help but feel that a dark rain cloud was still hanging above her. She felt empty, low and somewhat depressed. The whole situation had been a downward spiral, the events of the past couple of hours had just made it crash a whole lot sooner than planned.

George perched himself on the edge of her bed, facing the wall, his back to Honor. He sighed heavily and shook his head. "You don't hate it, you just hate whats happened. It was out of your control, you couldn't stop me and Jack arguing or telling them all about us."

"Do you care?"

"What?" He turned to face her, waiting for an explanation.

Honor studied his face, his left eye looked swollen, she moved forward, kneeling on her knees, she gently tilted his chin towards the light and looked at the skin. A dark bruise had begun to form upon George's pale face. Something that he couldn't possibly have put there himself. "Who did this?" She questioned, forgetting her earlier question.

"Mark. Not that I blame him."

She scoffed and let his face go, "do you care that you hurt him?"

He nodded. "Of course. He's my friend, this could break up the band and where would that leave us? But at least if I'm going to be stuck in Hemsley for the rest of my life, working in some shitty little office, I'll be with you."

Honor averted her gaze towards the clock on her bedside table. She watched the second hand tick around the face of the clock, wanting time to stand still. If she stared long enough she hoped maybe she could force that hand to stop. Tears stung her eyes again and she breathed deeply, trying to control her emotions.

"Honor, I love you. I admitted to them what we did, because I love you. I can't stand to see you with Mark any longer. Especially when you don't feel the same way about him anymore. I know you love him, but your not in love with him. I know you feel like crap now, because believe me I feel exactly the same way, but it'll get better, I promise."

She nodded, the tears escaping her eyes. She shuffled closer to George and he wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his shoulder. "I love you." The tears dropped, falling onto George's jumper, slowly sinking into the thick fabric.

Underneath the tears and self pity, this is exactly what Honor wanted. To be hopelessly in love with someone. Yet even though the secret was out and her and Mark weren't together anymore, she couldn't help but feel the guilt ripping her heart to pieces.