Shine a Light
Strange little Goth Kid from New Jersey
Shit. Wait.
Taking all my strength I pushed him from away from me, he skipped backwards, lips still pluckered into a kiss as they regretfully left my own.
“I can’t do this” I breathed, looking away from his face and to the floor.
“You have a family, you have your career…I can’t do this.”
Billie didn’t say anything, our panting and hitching of breath filling the air with an unsettling reality.
“I want you” he croaked, moving towards me again as I ducked under his advancing arm and turned to him as he stood looking confused, brow furrowed and eyes squinting.
“You can’t always get what you want Billie, I know that.”
“Why not?” He spat like a spoilt child, “Why do you do this? Go hot and cold like Tre’s fuckin broken shower?”
“THAT’S NOT FAIR” I yelled unable to keep my frustrations in any longer.
“It’s not ME that’s holding anything back, it’s you! If you had told me in the first place I would have never…I would have…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it…
“You would what? Have never what?”
“Fallen in love with you” my voice scratched in the back of my throat.
He stared at me, eyes going wide as those formidable words left my lips without thought.
I gasped at my own forward ness as yells of “Billie Joe!”
“Beej”
“BJ”
And “Bidj” erupted through the corridors, Billie continued to stare at me as Tre, Mike and a few other randoms ran at the singer and dragged him off to the stage.
I was left in shock, watching him being dragged from my sight and thoroughly occupied with the show he was about to perform.
Great I suppose I had put him right off.
“Did you tell him you were a lesbian Vera?” I turned to see Tre cackling behind me.
“I said hello but you didn’t register I was even here…which quite frankly I’m gutted about”
I giggled nervously, “Hi Tre”
“So what happened?” he mocked like a plastic school girl, linking my arm and dragging me behind the crowd that had confiscated Billie from me.
“I don’t know…” I whispered, shaking my head
Tre smiled at me slowly, “You and him need to stop pissin around”
“Right okay thanks for that Tre am I on glue or am I the only one who seems to remember that he is married with kids?”
Tre winked at me as we came to a halt behind the stage,
“Familiar with Bebe Buell? Pamela des Barres?” He winked at me as a few roadies fussed over him.
“I hope you are joking” I spat as he cackled, naming groupies was not funny at this stage in mine and Billie’s relationship.
Before I knew it, the guys were whisked off and were running onstage as I stood with a small crowd of people side stage watching them perform.
Billie seemed un-affected by my outburst and went off in his own little world as he performed. And what a performance! You could see why they were so celebrated as a band. A guy standing to the left of me smiled at me and whispered something in his friend’s ear next to him along the same lines as what had just crossed my mind.
He wore a gold and black military jacket and looked a little like that guy from Smashing Pumpkins but with prettier eyes and hair.
From the support band obviously;
I jumped as he leaned in next to me and his voice wavered,
“Can I take a stab in the dark and say this is your first Green Day concert?”
I nodded at him, “How did you know?”
“Because you have yet to remove your eyes from the stage, that’s when you know a band is amazing”
I smiled at him realizing he was right, my eyes hadn’t left Billie Joe since he started singing that first note into the microphone.
Half way through the gig Billie began to banter with the audience, making them copy what he was saying…wait, what? Soon his hand was down the front of his pants and I froze open mouthed in shock as the guy next to me turned and laughed at my face.
“Defiantly your first Green Day gig” he chuckled down my ear.
It was over, after a tearful bow Green Day scurried offstage and turned back into being just Tre, Mike, Jason and Billie again. The vibrations of Minority still rang in my ears as a circle of people crowded them wishing them congratulations, pats on the back and bottled water accompanied by towels. I was shoved to the back of the crowd, sighing and heading for the door I decided that I had to place within the special group of roadies and general ‘tour friends’. Pushing a door open I crashed into a familiar military coated torso.
“Hey sorry” he smiled at me, showing the full extent of his cheekbones under the bright lights outside the stage area.
“Sorry” I gabbled back side stepping him as he chuckled politely.
“Thanks okay, are you not sticking around for the party afterwards?”
“I don’t think so”
“That’s a shame, do you mind me asking why?” He arched his eyebrow over his right eye.
“Let’s just say that I’ve complicated a lot of things recently”
I stared at the floor, wishing that I could just go.
“Are you Vera Brown?”
I snapped my head up and took in the features of this goth guy standing in front of me.
“Are you absolutely joking? How does everyone know about this?”
“About what?” He cocked his head awkwardly, frowning slightly at my outburst.
“Are you not Vera Brown that writer that Billie Joe bums into next week?”
I jerked my head backwards at his words, “What?”
He smirked at me, “Are you not?”
I nodded slowly, “I am, but I’m afraid I have no idea who you are”
He chuckled again and I found myself getting rather attached to the sound.
“I’m Gerard Way, I’m in My Chemical Romance, were supporting Green Day”
“Hi” I smiled as he shook my hand.
“Anyway, if you change your mind…”
“What are you guys talking about…” we both turned to see Mike smiling at us and clutching a bottle of Evian.
“Hey V” he smiled at me wearily; it looked like he didn’t know whether I would thump him one or kiss him.
“Hi Mike good show” I grinned back.
His shoulders slumped in relief as I returned his smile.
“Thanks, Billie’s looking for you” he winked at me, “see you later Gerard” he patted him on the back as he walked off down the corridor
“Looks like you will be joining us later then” Gerard grinned at me as waved and followed Mike down the corridor.
Taking all my strength I pushed him from away from me, he skipped backwards, lips still pluckered into a kiss as they regretfully left my own.
“I can’t do this” I breathed, looking away from his face and to the floor.
“You have a family, you have your career…I can’t do this.”
Billie didn’t say anything, our panting and hitching of breath filling the air with an unsettling reality.
“I want you” he croaked, moving towards me again as I ducked under his advancing arm and turned to him as he stood looking confused, brow furrowed and eyes squinting.
“You can’t always get what you want Billie, I know that.”
“Why not?” He spat like a spoilt child, “Why do you do this? Go hot and cold like Tre’s fuckin broken shower?”
“THAT’S NOT FAIR” I yelled unable to keep my frustrations in any longer.
“It’s not ME that’s holding anything back, it’s you! If you had told me in the first place I would have never…I would have…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it…
“You would what? Have never what?”
“Fallen in love with you” my voice scratched in the back of my throat.
He stared at me, eyes going wide as those formidable words left my lips without thought.
I gasped at my own forward ness as yells of “Billie Joe!”
“Beej”
“BJ”
And “Bidj” erupted through the corridors, Billie continued to stare at me as Tre, Mike and a few other randoms ran at the singer and dragged him off to the stage.
I was left in shock, watching him being dragged from my sight and thoroughly occupied with the show he was about to perform.
Great I suppose I had put him right off.
“Did you tell him you were a lesbian Vera?” I turned to see Tre cackling behind me.
“I said hello but you didn’t register I was even here…which quite frankly I’m gutted about”
I giggled nervously, “Hi Tre”
“So what happened?” he mocked like a plastic school girl, linking my arm and dragging me behind the crowd that had confiscated Billie from me.
“I don’t know…” I whispered, shaking my head
Tre smiled at me slowly, “You and him need to stop pissin around”
“Right okay thanks for that Tre am I on glue or am I the only one who seems to remember that he is married with kids?”
Tre winked at me as we came to a halt behind the stage,
“Familiar with Bebe Buell? Pamela des Barres?” He winked at me as a few roadies fussed over him.
“I hope you are joking” I spat as he cackled, naming groupies was not funny at this stage in mine and Billie’s relationship.
Before I knew it, the guys were whisked off and were running onstage as I stood with a small crowd of people side stage watching them perform.
Billie seemed un-affected by my outburst and went off in his own little world as he performed. And what a performance! You could see why they were so celebrated as a band. A guy standing to the left of me smiled at me and whispered something in his friend’s ear next to him along the same lines as what had just crossed my mind.
He wore a gold and black military jacket and looked a little like that guy from Smashing Pumpkins but with prettier eyes and hair.
From the support band obviously;
I jumped as he leaned in next to me and his voice wavered,
“Can I take a stab in the dark and say this is your first Green Day concert?”
I nodded at him, “How did you know?”
“Because you have yet to remove your eyes from the stage, that’s when you know a band is amazing”
I smiled at him realizing he was right, my eyes hadn’t left Billie Joe since he started singing that first note into the microphone.
Half way through the gig Billie began to banter with the audience, making them copy what he was saying…wait, what? Soon his hand was down the front of his pants and I froze open mouthed in shock as the guy next to me turned and laughed at my face.
“Defiantly your first Green Day gig” he chuckled down my ear.
It was over, after a tearful bow Green Day scurried offstage and turned back into being just Tre, Mike, Jason and Billie again. The vibrations of Minority still rang in my ears as a circle of people crowded them wishing them congratulations, pats on the back and bottled water accompanied by towels. I was shoved to the back of the crowd, sighing and heading for the door I decided that I had to place within the special group of roadies and general ‘tour friends’. Pushing a door open I crashed into a familiar military coated torso.
“Hey sorry” he smiled at me, showing the full extent of his cheekbones under the bright lights outside the stage area.
“Sorry” I gabbled back side stepping him as he chuckled politely.
“Thanks okay, are you not sticking around for the party afterwards?”
“I don’t think so”
“That’s a shame, do you mind me asking why?” He arched his eyebrow over his right eye.
“Let’s just say that I’ve complicated a lot of things recently”
I stared at the floor, wishing that I could just go.
“Are you Vera Brown?”
I snapped my head up and took in the features of this goth guy standing in front of me.
“Are you absolutely joking? How does everyone know about this?”
“About what?” He cocked his head awkwardly, frowning slightly at my outburst.
“Are you not Vera Brown that writer that Billie Joe bums into next week?”
I jerked my head backwards at his words, “What?”
He smirked at me, “Are you not?”
I nodded slowly, “I am, but I’m afraid I have no idea who you are”
He chuckled again and I found myself getting rather attached to the sound.
“I’m Gerard Way, I’m in My Chemical Romance, were supporting Green Day”
“Hi” I smiled as he shook my hand.
“Anyway, if you change your mind…”
“What are you guys talking about…” we both turned to see Mike smiling at us and clutching a bottle of Evian.
“Hey V” he smiled at me wearily; it looked like he didn’t know whether I would thump him one or kiss him.
“Hi Mike good show” I grinned back.
His shoulders slumped in relief as I returned his smile.
“Thanks, Billie’s looking for you” he winked at me, “see you later Gerard” he patted him on the back as he walked off down the corridor
“Looks like you will be joining us later then” Gerard grinned at me as waved and followed Mike down the corridor.