Shine a Light
The Gothic attraction
Tongue out and pen borrowed form the nice old guy behind the bar we where in, I scribbled some words down on a napkin that I managed to rob from Tre before he decided to wipe up his saliva with it.
This isn’t love.
I know in my heart that this is more than that.
But what, pray, is more than love?
Loves just a deep burning passion isn’t it?
Or is it a mysterious ghost that encircles the heart and stays attached like a poisonous leech?
It has affected everything I do my sweetheart.
My brain has become clouded and I see and hear only what I desire,
reality and truth become nothing to me.
My deepest darkest fantasies and dreams pour into this one feeling and no matter how much it hurts my soul I still return to it.
The hellish leech becomes full and drops off only to be replaced by another little hungry demon of desire.
Love,
I cannot compete with it,
I cannot fight it but neither can I accept it or admire it,
Love,
created by God and abused by Devil.
Despite the not so romantic setting, sandwiched between Gerard and Billie, who was as drunk as those worms found at the bottom of tequila bottles. My own intoxicated brain managed to churn out a line or two for a poem. Everyone was preoccupied with Tre and Frank, whom I found out was a guitarist in My Chemical Romance along with the other guy, Ray who was carrying the box of Heineken that had been drank in five minutes. Tre was singing “Girl all the bad guys want” to Frank who was half way across the bar talking to a blonde girl and her friend.
I felt a bit intimidated at first; here I was being the only female in this bunch of mad heads. Mike reassured me however that this was a quiet night for the guys tonight as the roadies where planning a sizzling shindig tomorrow. Sizzling shindig brought connotations of setting things on fire, chilli shots and many other crazy things that these guys could come up with. Thank God that I was here now on the so called ‘quiet night out’.
It was impossible in thinking that I and Billie could talk in any way shape or form in front of this lot. He was too busy being the King of Punk Rock in front of this mad group and it fascinated me in watching this side of his personality, cracking jokes and egging Tre on to perform the most stupid things possible.
“Can I read what you wrote?”
I looked up, blurry eyed, to see not Billie, but Gerard smiling at me sweetly, he wasn’t drinking and I didn’t feel it right to question his incentive. I thought he was rather brave to deal with these hyenas soberly.
“If you want to, however it’s drunken ramblings.”
Gerard grinned as he took the napkin from my finger tips and I watched him squint in the poor light trying to read my scribbled handwriting. I looked away and stole at glance at Billie Joe who was laughing at something that Ray had said. His nose scrunching at the wideness of his cackle, I smirked at how cute he looked, before turning back to Gerard who was grinning at me wildly.
My stomach fluttered at his pretty features as he opened his mouth to speak.
“That’s amazing, you really just wrote that now?”
My cheeks flushed, “Yes but it’s really bad, it needs a lot of tuning.”
Gerard shook his head, “No it doesn’t, really.”
I grinned at him, “Thanks”
“Was this written about feelings for someone?” His eyes flashed across to Billie before fixing back on me.
“Yes” I nodded, embarrassed.
Gerard sighed; he looked back down at the napkin on the table before looking back up at me, “Why is it that we always want things we can’t have?”
“Its God’s big joke, irony” I sighed,
Gerard smirked, “Yeah I know all too well.”
A loud bang erupted next to us and we both turned our heads in time to see Tre falling off his chair.
Laughing I turned back to snatch a glance at Gerard, he was looking back down at my poem again. I mentally smiled, I liked him, it felt like he was hiding a lot of interesting things and I couldn’t help but feel an attraction towards him.
“Vera, can I keep this? Would you mind?”
I snapped up from my thoughts to see Gerard looking at me, seemingly on edge.
“No Gerard, have it, if you like it that much.”
He grinned at me again, that crooked little grin that made him seem very innocent.
“Thanks” he leant in to hug me and I froze at the feeling, suddenly my mind switching into overdrive of Billie mode.
How could I even think like this when he was sitting about 40 centimetres away from me? Gerard let go of my neck and before I knew it I had downed the rest of my drink in a desperate attempt to forget about the pretty guy sitting next to me. Billie. Billie. Billie Joe, quick look at him, okay, yes he’s gorgeous, sexy. So sexy, Jesus, okay, god right, what the fuck is wrong with me?
This isn’t love.
I know in my heart that this is more than that.
But what, pray, is more than love?
Loves just a deep burning passion isn’t it?
Or is it a mysterious ghost that encircles the heart and stays attached like a poisonous leech?
It has affected everything I do my sweetheart.
My brain has become clouded and I see and hear only what I desire,
reality and truth become nothing to me.
My deepest darkest fantasies and dreams pour into this one feeling and no matter how much it hurts my soul I still return to it.
The hellish leech becomes full and drops off only to be replaced by another little hungry demon of desire.
Love,
I cannot compete with it,
I cannot fight it but neither can I accept it or admire it,
Love,
created by God and abused by Devil.
Despite the not so romantic setting, sandwiched between Gerard and Billie, who was as drunk as those worms found at the bottom of tequila bottles. My own intoxicated brain managed to churn out a line or two for a poem. Everyone was preoccupied with Tre and Frank, whom I found out was a guitarist in My Chemical Romance along with the other guy, Ray who was carrying the box of Heineken that had been drank in five minutes. Tre was singing “Girl all the bad guys want” to Frank who was half way across the bar talking to a blonde girl and her friend.
I felt a bit intimidated at first; here I was being the only female in this bunch of mad heads. Mike reassured me however that this was a quiet night for the guys tonight as the roadies where planning a sizzling shindig tomorrow. Sizzling shindig brought connotations of setting things on fire, chilli shots and many other crazy things that these guys could come up with. Thank God that I was here now on the so called ‘quiet night out’.
It was impossible in thinking that I and Billie could talk in any way shape or form in front of this lot. He was too busy being the King of Punk Rock in front of this mad group and it fascinated me in watching this side of his personality, cracking jokes and egging Tre on to perform the most stupid things possible.
“Can I read what you wrote?”
I looked up, blurry eyed, to see not Billie, but Gerard smiling at me sweetly, he wasn’t drinking and I didn’t feel it right to question his incentive. I thought he was rather brave to deal with these hyenas soberly.
“If you want to, however it’s drunken ramblings.”
Gerard grinned as he took the napkin from my finger tips and I watched him squint in the poor light trying to read my scribbled handwriting. I looked away and stole at glance at Billie Joe who was laughing at something that Ray had said. His nose scrunching at the wideness of his cackle, I smirked at how cute he looked, before turning back to Gerard who was grinning at me wildly.
My stomach fluttered at his pretty features as he opened his mouth to speak.
“That’s amazing, you really just wrote that now?”
My cheeks flushed, “Yes but it’s really bad, it needs a lot of tuning.”
Gerard shook his head, “No it doesn’t, really.”
I grinned at him, “Thanks”
“Was this written about feelings for someone?” His eyes flashed across to Billie before fixing back on me.
“Yes” I nodded, embarrassed.
Gerard sighed; he looked back down at the napkin on the table before looking back up at me, “Why is it that we always want things we can’t have?”
“Its God’s big joke, irony” I sighed,
Gerard smirked, “Yeah I know all too well.”
A loud bang erupted next to us and we both turned our heads in time to see Tre falling off his chair.
Laughing I turned back to snatch a glance at Gerard, he was looking back down at my poem again. I mentally smiled, I liked him, it felt like he was hiding a lot of interesting things and I couldn’t help but feel an attraction towards him.
“Vera, can I keep this? Would you mind?”
I snapped up from my thoughts to see Gerard looking at me, seemingly on edge.
“No Gerard, have it, if you like it that much.”
He grinned at me again, that crooked little grin that made him seem very innocent.
“Thanks” he leant in to hug me and I froze at the feeling, suddenly my mind switching into overdrive of Billie mode.
How could I even think like this when he was sitting about 40 centimetres away from me? Gerard let go of my neck and before I knew it I had downed the rest of my drink in a desperate attempt to forget about the pretty guy sitting next to me. Billie. Billie. Billie Joe, quick look at him, okay, yes he’s gorgeous, sexy. So sexy, Jesus, okay, god right, what the fuck is wrong with me?