Shine a Light
You don't know him like me
“He, he’s left. He’s gone. Basically Gerard, I’m such a fool, why did I even think this would work out?”
I was shaking, uncontrollably, I had been sick, twice. It was so awful, so awful. I had just heard my front door slam from my living room. No word, no nothing, he just left. Gone. He didn’t even have the fucking balls to say goodbye or why or…Oh I hated him.
I was going to call Marcus, but that would just be too complicated, so I decided to call Gerard.
“Vera, calm down, are you alright?”
I couldn’t reply, was I alright? Why were men such tits? Of course I wasn’t my heart was breaking all over again, how could he do this to me?
“It wasn’t really a marriage…” his words piercing me like a red hot poker. Why did I continue to put myself up for heartbreak? I was such a fool, such a fool…
“Vera? Do you want me to come over?”
Gerard’s voice snapped me from my dangerous thoughts.
“No, no, thanks Gerard…I have to go…”
“Vera, just, just don’t do anything stupid okay?”
I snapped the phone shut. Collapsing to the floor in my own sobs, I really thought that this time he would come through for me, he would pick me up in his arms, kiss me, and tell me he loved me…
I slammed my head back against the wall. The pain forcing me to gasp, but oh god that pain. I felt alive, I was alive, this was happening. Fuck reality, fuck the world and everything in it. God the truth was so painful, even if he had gone on pretending to me for the rest of my life at least I wouldn’t have had to deal with this up most suffocating pain. Truth, oh the truth is cruel, beauty is truth, truth is beautiful. Keats, the bastard, he obviously didn’t have to suffer it’s harsh consequences. SLAM. My head again came into contact with the wall. I blinked, small dots forming behind my eyes. And then…blackness.
Gerard POV
I couldn’t quiet believe him, how could he do that to her? Billie was a right mess, he had been having problems with Adi for a while but he just didn’t have the balls to leave her.
I’m ringing him, right now.
I opened up my phone again to dial the singer when Mike appeared in front of me.
“We ordered you some food; get your ass back in here.”
Mike’s tone was harsh, I wasn’t about to kick up a fight with the bassist, especially not when he had his fatherly head on.
I sat down as Frank’s eyes scanned me nervously.
“Who was that?” he asked stabbing at his food with a fork.
“Vera” I sighed taking a sip of my drink.
“Why was she ringing you?” Frank snarled, rather more venomously than was needed.
“What’s THAT supposed to mean?” I snapped.
“Look! Oi!” Mike snarled, “Pack it in okay. Gerard I’d be careful that’s all…she’s well, she’s...”
“She’s with Billie dumbass” Frank raised his eyebrow.
“Yeah well right now she isn’t, he’s disappeared into thin air.” I growled picking up my fork and trailing it around the plate.
Mike swallowed his mouthful quickly and stared at me, “What? Is this because Adi is flying over? For God’s sake, I’ll kill him, I told him to make up his mind and stop fannying around with Vera. It’s not fair on her and it’s not fair on Adi. He’s such a pussy.”
My mouth dropped at Mike,
“What do you mean 'he hasn’t made up his mind' Mike? He legged it from Vera’s, he obviously HAS made up his mind.”
Mike cocked his eyebrow and a small smirk appeared on his face, “You don’t know him as well as me…”
Vera’s POV
This wasn’t good? I reckon my drink was spiked last night, maybe I am just too fragile to cope with this. I mean no relationships for years, happy wallowing in my own solitude when I meet this cocky, sexy little demon who decides to fuck me right up. Great, three massive heartbreaks in a matter of months. No wonder I blacked out, I wasn’t used to this.
I stood up slowly and poured myself a glass of water, I suppose banging my head against the wall didn’t help, how dramatically romantic. I wondered what the hell he was doing and I had the sudden urge to just get out of the house and go for a walk. So, grabbing my coat, I dashed out the door and began to trot down the street.
It was quite chilly, a shallow breeze floated through the air and I pulled my coat closer around my body. Heading for the park opposite my house I wished I had a dog so I didn’t look quite as insane as I do now. I was getting a few odd looks from die-hard joggers and two mums pushing identical prams.
Was ‘just been dumped’ branded across my face with a hot iron?
I sighed and decided to park myself on a nearby bench. I sat watching the leaves on the trees dance through the wind. Pulling out my phone I glanced downwards. Should I ring him?
My thumb rested over the dial button across Billie’s name, what should I do?
I was shaking, uncontrollably, I had been sick, twice. It was so awful, so awful. I had just heard my front door slam from my living room. No word, no nothing, he just left. Gone. He didn’t even have the fucking balls to say goodbye or why or…Oh I hated him.
I was going to call Marcus, but that would just be too complicated, so I decided to call Gerard.
“Vera, calm down, are you alright?”
I couldn’t reply, was I alright? Why were men such tits? Of course I wasn’t my heart was breaking all over again, how could he do this to me?
“It wasn’t really a marriage…” his words piercing me like a red hot poker. Why did I continue to put myself up for heartbreak? I was such a fool, such a fool…
“Vera? Do you want me to come over?”
Gerard’s voice snapped me from my dangerous thoughts.
“No, no, thanks Gerard…I have to go…”
“Vera, just, just don’t do anything stupid okay?”
I snapped the phone shut. Collapsing to the floor in my own sobs, I really thought that this time he would come through for me, he would pick me up in his arms, kiss me, and tell me he loved me…
I slammed my head back against the wall. The pain forcing me to gasp, but oh god that pain. I felt alive, I was alive, this was happening. Fuck reality, fuck the world and everything in it. God the truth was so painful, even if he had gone on pretending to me for the rest of my life at least I wouldn’t have had to deal with this up most suffocating pain. Truth, oh the truth is cruel, beauty is truth, truth is beautiful. Keats, the bastard, he obviously didn’t have to suffer it’s harsh consequences. SLAM. My head again came into contact with the wall. I blinked, small dots forming behind my eyes. And then…blackness.
Gerard POV
I couldn’t quiet believe him, how could he do that to her? Billie was a right mess, he had been having problems with Adi for a while but he just didn’t have the balls to leave her.
I’m ringing him, right now.
I opened up my phone again to dial the singer when Mike appeared in front of me.
“We ordered you some food; get your ass back in here.”
Mike’s tone was harsh, I wasn’t about to kick up a fight with the bassist, especially not when he had his fatherly head on.
I sat down as Frank’s eyes scanned me nervously.
“Who was that?” he asked stabbing at his food with a fork.
“Vera” I sighed taking a sip of my drink.
“Why was she ringing you?” Frank snarled, rather more venomously than was needed.
“What’s THAT supposed to mean?” I snapped.
“Look! Oi!” Mike snarled, “Pack it in okay. Gerard I’d be careful that’s all…she’s well, she’s...”
“She’s with Billie dumbass” Frank raised his eyebrow.
“Yeah well right now she isn’t, he’s disappeared into thin air.” I growled picking up my fork and trailing it around the plate.
Mike swallowed his mouthful quickly and stared at me, “What? Is this because Adi is flying over? For God’s sake, I’ll kill him, I told him to make up his mind and stop fannying around with Vera. It’s not fair on her and it’s not fair on Adi. He’s such a pussy.”
My mouth dropped at Mike,
“What do you mean 'he hasn’t made up his mind' Mike? He legged it from Vera’s, he obviously HAS made up his mind.”
Mike cocked his eyebrow and a small smirk appeared on his face, “You don’t know him as well as me…”
Vera’s POV
This wasn’t good? I reckon my drink was spiked last night, maybe I am just too fragile to cope with this. I mean no relationships for years, happy wallowing in my own solitude when I meet this cocky, sexy little demon who decides to fuck me right up. Great, three massive heartbreaks in a matter of months. No wonder I blacked out, I wasn’t used to this.
I stood up slowly and poured myself a glass of water, I suppose banging my head against the wall didn’t help, how dramatically romantic. I wondered what the hell he was doing and I had the sudden urge to just get out of the house and go for a walk. So, grabbing my coat, I dashed out the door and began to trot down the street.
It was quite chilly, a shallow breeze floated through the air and I pulled my coat closer around my body. Heading for the park opposite my house I wished I had a dog so I didn’t look quite as insane as I do now. I was getting a few odd looks from die-hard joggers and two mums pushing identical prams.
Was ‘just been dumped’ branded across my face with a hot iron?
I sighed and decided to park myself on a nearby bench. I sat watching the leaves on the trees dance through the wind. Pulling out my phone I glanced downwards. Should I ring him?
My thumb rested over the dial button across Billie’s name, what should I do?