Shine a Light
Annie Wilks
I was currently sitting behind the mixing desk with Jason and some other guy called Rob who was the guy’s producer and seemed very nice. I glanced over Billie’s lyrics. They were good, really good, but darkly familiar.
I turned to Marcus who was perched on another desk piled with all kinds of crappy food, stuffing his face with Doritos and sipping from a tall glass of rosé wine.
“You alright there?” I asked him sarcastically, eyebrow raised, wondering how he could make himself so comfortable anywhere he parked his ass.
“I’m great Vera I could just do with Billie, Tre and Mike in there to come and give me a massage and then I’ll be super.”
Jason turned around his mouth hanging loose, “Jesus Marcus” He chuckled
“My Jesus too” Marcus winked evilly grinning at the guitarist who froze next to me.
“Don’t let him scare you Jason” I sighed.
“I’m happy living with the fact that he’s sitting on two-week old cakes”
I laughed as Marcus screeched and stood up wiping his trousers,
“These are fuckin Armani”
Jason laughed as I shrugged my shoulders.
“What do you think of Billie’s lyrics then?” Jason asked me. I glanced up at Billie strumming one of his guitars through the makeshift glass room they had built to record.
“They’re really good, yet oddly familiar.” I sighed as Jason chuckled.
“Really? Let’s just say his inspiration has come home to him.”
I frowned at Jason, I had no idea what that meant,
“Jas what..?”
“YO! Up for some grub?” Tre came bounding from behind the drums rubbing his hands together.
“Oh yes I’m starving.” Marcus grinned standing up straight also rubbing his palms together.
“Marcus! You’ve just sat there stuffing your face with Doritos for an hour.” I chuckled
“I want proper food.” He moaned, I frowned at how he could eat his bodyweight and still appear stick thin.
“Who else is up for it?” Tre glanced around.
“I’m in.” Mike grinned, “I want some coffee big time” he pulled on his jacket and headed for the door.
“V?” Marcus asked
“Nah I’m good.”
“Bill? Jas? Rob?”
“Yeah go on then” Jason exhaled and Rob nodded both of them following Mike out the door.
“Bill?” Tre asked again.
“Nah I’m good thanks” the singer grinned at me.
“Fine, we’ll see you guys later” Tre raised his eyebrow and linked Marcus who giggled loudly and followed the rest of them out the room.
I imagined how excited Marcus was, if there’s one thing he liked better than pulling a gay man, it’s a straight one and he had four of them to choose from.
“What do you think then?” Billie asked me sitting down opposite me in Jason’s vacant seat.
“I mean, they need fixing up a bit and my hand writing’s not…”
“I like them, I especially like this one.” I grinned holding up an untitled song to him.
“Ah!” He smiled taking the paper from me and scanning the words with his bright eyes,
“Yes, I like this one the best too…maybe I should name it Vera?”
I felt my cheeks flush, “You don’t have to do that, you hardly know me.”
“Oh but I want to” he grinned.
I stared at his eyes, watching the colours lazily change from vivid emerald to hazel, to deep green…before I knew what was happening we both leant in, I held my breath, his smell becoming stronger and stronger as invisible strings of electrical current attracted his soft lips closer to mine. Suddenly my phone’s shrill ring exploded through the perfect silence, snapping back like two confused and dazed school kids I apologised and stood up to pull my phone from my jeans, heading for the door to the other room…
ED.
My publisher, the absolute tit, like a bad movie cliché he had just punctured the opportunity for me to taste Billie’s lips, to inhale his scent to…
“Hello? Vera?”
“Hi Ed” I sighed, standing on the balcony and feeling a cool Californian breeze stroke my face.
“How’s it going V?”
“Well it was going good” I sighed grabbing a strand of hair and twirling it around my index finger.
“Does that mean that you have been busy?” I could imagine his grin on his face, sheer hope that I had written the next ‘Da Vinci Code’. Not that I would want to it’s a bag of shite anyway…
“Vera you’ve written fuck all haven’t you?” He seethed coming smack in the face with reality.
“Well no actually I’ve written a few things down I just need to string them together” I sighed turning round and perching my elbows on the iron bar of the balcony.
“Oh great just great, not “oooh yes Ed I’ve done my bestest out there in LA and concocted the next best thing since sliced bread…”
My eyes hovered over the room, I switched off listening to him when he made that disgusting ooh noise down the phone, and I hated it when men put on women’s voices to mimic them. My eyes snapped back to the bed where something jutted out from underneath the king size mattress. It was square and dark purple, it was very familiar, what the hell..?
“Oh no Ed, I’ve sat on my ass all day and drank Margarita’s with my gay friend who could give Jack from Will and Grace a run for his money, no, no, never mind about…”
Ed’s voice still gabbed down the phone, but the phone was now at my side as I began to walk closer to it, almost in sheer zombie mode, mouth hanging loose…
I approached it further, my curiosity getting the better of me, this was Billie’s room, why was I snooping round when…I picked it up, it was a book, a thick weighty book…I froze, it was…yes it was, Jesus…it was my book.
Why was Billie reading my book?
“VERA! VERA ARE YOU THERE?”
I put the phone to my ear, “I’m sorry Ed I have to go”
I flipped the small cell shut and tucked it back into my jeans as I softly sat down on the bed with my book perched on my knees. Opening it slowly I saw how worn and thumbed the pages were, he couldn’t have gone out and bought it after meeting me a few days ago, this book looked worn and tattered, unless he got it from a second hand store. I flipped back to the inlay with the photograph of me, there I was, black and white and smiling back at myself, I couldn’t believe that he had it. It made sense now, that conversation with Mike, he had hidden it under the bed, he knew who I was all along…but why didn’t he say anything? I suddenly had the urge to look further under the bed, there were three more, three more, he had all my books, all of them thumbed and tattered, my first book, ‘Darkness Lost’ was wrecked beyond belief. I suddenly felt a strange swell of pride and anger, why on earth didn’t he say anything?
He didn’t say anything but I defiantly was going too…
I marched through the door to the studio. He sat there bent over a guitar strumming away, he looked up through his hair when he saw me,
“Hey who was…?” His eyes went wide when he saw the two books of mine in each of my palms. He swallowed hard his Adam’s apple bobbing up to his chin and back. He sat there staring at me for a good few minutes, he had frozen, eyeing up the situation like I would ram each hardback down his throat.
“Vera…I can explain…” he finally stuttered.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
“I...I…” Billie took a few steps toward me his face searching for words.
I felt a wave of sickness hit me, I had to get out of here, and I couldn’t believe my ears.
Tears began to swell in my eyes, I felt like I would vomit all over his blue Jack Daniel’s shirt.
“I...I have to go”
I squeaked shoving the books into his arms and dashing out of the room.
“Vera! Vera wait! Please!”
I ran down the corridor to the stairs and raced up them to my room, sobbing uncontrollably, my wailing echoing through the stair passage way, why? I burst through the door to my room and landed face down on the bed, hugging the stiff hotel pillows close to my face I sobbed and wailed and screeched into the lemon smelling fabric.
I knew why I was so upset, I knew I liked him lots, it freaked me out, he had completely scared me. I’d had one obsessive fan before, some guy called Jamie used to stalk me everywhere until I got a restraining order for him and even then I couldn’t stay in my own house for fears of him coming in and smothering me in my sleep because he didn’t like a particular story of mine. But Billie? A guy that I had grown to like, maybe even to love over the short time I had met him, could he really be some Annie Wilks character
From Misery? He was so sweet, so beautiful…would he really tie me to the bed and break both my ankles to keep me his prisoner?
My breath hitched thinking about it and I cried and sobbed deep into the confides of my bed, drowning in my own self sorrow as the only relationship I’d hoped on in years had all just come crashing down in a hurricane of crazed stalker fears.
I turned to Marcus who was perched on another desk piled with all kinds of crappy food, stuffing his face with Doritos and sipping from a tall glass of rosé wine.
“You alright there?” I asked him sarcastically, eyebrow raised, wondering how he could make himself so comfortable anywhere he parked his ass.
“I’m great Vera I could just do with Billie, Tre and Mike in there to come and give me a massage and then I’ll be super.”
Jason turned around his mouth hanging loose, “Jesus Marcus” He chuckled
“My Jesus too” Marcus winked evilly grinning at the guitarist who froze next to me.
“Don’t let him scare you Jason” I sighed.
“I’m happy living with the fact that he’s sitting on two-week old cakes”
I laughed as Marcus screeched and stood up wiping his trousers,
“These are fuckin Armani”
Jason laughed as I shrugged my shoulders.
“What do you think of Billie’s lyrics then?” Jason asked me. I glanced up at Billie strumming one of his guitars through the makeshift glass room they had built to record.
“They’re really good, yet oddly familiar.” I sighed as Jason chuckled.
“Really? Let’s just say his inspiration has come home to him.”
I frowned at Jason, I had no idea what that meant,
“Jas what..?”
“YO! Up for some grub?” Tre came bounding from behind the drums rubbing his hands together.
“Oh yes I’m starving.” Marcus grinned standing up straight also rubbing his palms together.
“Marcus! You’ve just sat there stuffing your face with Doritos for an hour.” I chuckled
“I want proper food.” He moaned, I frowned at how he could eat his bodyweight and still appear stick thin.
“Who else is up for it?” Tre glanced around.
“I’m in.” Mike grinned, “I want some coffee big time” he pulled on his jacket and headed for the door.
“V?” Marcus asked
“Nah I’m good.”
“Bill? Jas? Rob?”
“Yeah go on then” Jason exhaled and Rob nodded both of them following Mike out the door.
“Bill?” Tre asked again.
“Nah I’m good thanks” the singer grinned at me.
“Fine, we’ll see you guys later” Tre raised his eyebrow and linked Marcus who giggled loudly and followed the rest of them out the room.
I imagined how excited Marcus was, if there’s one thing he liked better than pulling a gay man, it’s a straight one and he had four of them to choose from.
“What do you think then?” Billie asked me sitting down opposite me in Jason’s vacant seat.
“I mean, they need fixing up a bit and my hand writing’s not…”
“I like them, I especially like this one.” I grinned holding up an untitled song to him.
“Ah!” He smiled taking the paper from me and scanning the words with his bright eyes,
“Yes, I like this one the best too…maybe I should name it Vera?”
I felt my cheeks flush, “You don’t have to do that, you hardly know me.”
“Oh but I want to” he grinned.
I stared at his eyes, watching the colours lazily change from vivid emerald to hazel, to deep green…before I knew what was happening we both leant in, I held my breath, his smell becoming stronger and stronger as invisible strings of electrical current attracted his soft lips closer to mine. Suddenly my phone’s shrill ring exploded through the perfect silence, snapping back like two confused and dazed school kids I apologised and stood up to pull my phone from my jeans, heading for the door to the other room…
ED.
My publisher, the absolute tit, like a bad movie cliché he had just punctured the opportunity for me to taste Billie’s lips, to inhale his scent to…
“Hello? Vera?”
“Hi Ed” I sighed, standing on the balcony and feeling a cool Californian breeze stroke my face.
“How’s it going V?”
“Well it was going good” I sighed grabbing a strand of hair and twirling it around my index finger.
“Does that mean that you have been busy?” I could imagine his grin on his face, sheer hope that I had written the next ‘Da Vinci Code’. Not that I would want to it’s a bag of shite anyway…
“Vera you’ve written fuck all haven’t you?” He seethed coming smack in the face with reality.
“Well no actually I’ve written a few things down I just need to string them together” I sighed turning round and perching my elbows on the iron bar of the balcony.
“Oh great just great, not “oooh yes Ed I’ve done my bestest out there in LA and concocted the next best thing since sliced bread…”
My eyes hovered over the room, I switched off listening to him when he made that disgusting ooh noise down the phone, and I hated it when men put on women’s voices to mimic them. My eyes snapped back to the bed where something jutted out from underneath the king size mattress. It was square and dark purple, it was very familiar, what the hell..?
“Oh no Ed, I’ve sat on my ass all day and drank Margarita’s with my gay friend who could give Jack from Will and Grace a run for his money, no, no, never mind about…”
Ed’s voice still gabbed down the phone, but the phone was now at my side as I began to walk closer to it, almost in sheer zombie mode, mouth hanging loose…
I approached it further, my curiosity getting the better of me, this was Billie’s room, why was I snooping round when…I picked it up, it was a book, a thick weighty book…I froze, it was…yes it was, Jesus…it was my book.
Why was Billie reading my book?
“VERA! VERA ARE YOU THERE?”
I put the phone to my ear, “I’m sorry Ed I have to go”
I flipped the small cell shut and tucked it back into my jeans as I softly sat down on the bed with my book perched on my knees. Opening it slowly I saw how worn and thumbed the pages were, he couldn’t have gone out and bought it after meeting me a few days ago, this book looked worn and tattered, unless he got it from a second hand store. I flipped back to the inlay with the photograph of me, there I was, black and white and smiling back at myself, I couldn’t believe that he had it. It made sense now, that conversation with Mike, he had hidden it under the bed, he knew who I was all along…but why didn’t he say anything? I suddenly had the urge to look further under the bed, there were three more, three more, he had all my books, all of them thumbed and tattered, my first book, ‘Darkness Lost’ was wrecked beyond belief. I suddenly felt a strange swell of pride and anger, why on earth didn’t he say anything?
He didn’t say anything but I defiantly was going too…
I marched through the door to the studio. He sat there bent over a guitar strumming away, he looked up through his hair when he saw me,
“Hey who was…?” His eyes went wide when he saw the two books of mine in each of my palms. He swallowed hard his Adam’s apple bobbing up to his chin and back. He sat there staring at me for a good few minutes, he had frozen, eyeing up the situation like I would ram each hardback down his throat.
“Vera…I can explain…” he finally stuttered.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
“I...I…” Billie took a few steps toward me his face searching for words.
I felt a wave of sickness hit me, I had to get out of here, and I couldn’t believe my ears.
Tears began to swell in my eyes, I felt like I would vomit all over his blue Jack Daniel’s shirt.
“I...I have to go”
I squeaked shoving the books into his arms and dashing out of the room.
“Vera! Vera wait! Please!”
I ran down the corridor to the stairs and raced up them to my room, sobbing uncontrollably, my wailing echoing through the stair passage way, why? I burst through the door to my room and landed face down on the bed, hugging the stiff hotel pillows close to my face I sobbed and wailed and screeched into the lemon smelling fabric.
I knew why I was so upset, I knew I liked him lots, it freaked me out, he had completely scared me. I’d had one obsessive fan before, some guy called Jamie used to stalk me everywhere until I got a restraining order for him and even then I couldn’t stay in my own house for fears of him coming in and smothering me in my sleep because he didn’t like a particular story of mine. But Billie? A guy that I had grown to like, maybe even to love over the short time I had met him, could he really be some Annie Wilks character
From Misery? He was so sweet, so beautiful…would he really tie me to the bed and break both my ankles to keep me his prisoner?
My breath hitched thinking about it and I cried and sobbed deep into the confides of my bed, drowning in my own self sorrow as the only relationship I’d hoped on in years had all just come crashing down in a hurricane of crazed stalker fears.