Shine a Light

A poster on your wall

After we had ordered hardly speaking a word to each other Billie picked up his wine glass dramatically,
“So, err…I’m sorry Vera” he sipped at his wine, avoiding contact with my eyes.
I sat there in silence watching him, sliding the napkin back and forth through my fingers, not knowing what to do with myself and cursing everything under the sun for me being sat here now.
The silence was shattering, the clinking noises and low hums of others around us having their lunch seemed distant. I was intrigued how he would handle this, I truly didn’t know what to say, this wasn’t like me at all, in the past I could have slung out fifty or so smart ass comments just to piss him off then order the most expensive wine on the menu just to see how he would react.
“I…I err know how you must have felt, I have well, some fans that are obsessive, very err, forward and…”
“I trusted you” I sighed picking up the wine that I had wanted to drain for the past ten minutes.
“I know and I’m sorry” He leant forward his hair ruffling through his fingers.
“I fucked up and I’m sorry” he sighed deeply again.
It was starting to irritate now, his apologies.
“Okay so we’ve established that you are sorry and we can move on from that.” I snapped.
Billie nodded with his lips still attached around the rim of the wine glass.
“Should we start again?” He asked a grin ripening at the corner of his mouth.
I raised my eyebrow at him as he flung his wrist across to me,
“Vera Brown my name is Billie Joe Armstrong and I’m a big fan of your books.”
His eyes twinkled and before I knew it my hand had entered his own. Billie let go of my hand after shaking it slowly. I stared into his eyes and he smiled widely.
“Do you know what my favourite thing you have ever written is?”
He grinned, glancing down at the napkin to his right and fingering the edge.
I shook my head, curious about what he would say, relishing this moment of him grovelling.
“Well, it’s a line that’s says, ‘All those who are truly close to love are those who are close to death, only to understand death do we understand life and love. Since neither is too inconceivable for any man to know we reach death through are own suffering, such things happen for such reasons my dear”
My wine glass froze on its passage to my lips; I stared at Billie Joe with an awe and excitement that took hold of me. That was my most favourite thing that I had ever written. I placed my glass on the table in case I broke it with such a tight grip around the crystal. I never told anyone, but I wrote those lines soon after my mother died. Those words were so close and personal to me that hearing them from Billie’s lips made me fall for him completely, right then and there.
I stared at him in silence until he had the courage to look up at my face. His grin hid his embarrassment yet his eyes showed a look that made me want him so badly.
“Silly huh? That I remembered that?”
“No” I spoke honestly, letting my hand reach over and thread my fingers through his.
“No I don’t think it’s silly”
Billie smiled at me slowly.
“That is your favourite thing that I have ever written?” I asked
“Yes, it…I was going through a difficult time and that…it…well it made me, it made me feel so much better, it helped me to understand.” His eyes darkened and his voice quavered at his words.
“I never told anyone this before, but, well, those lines mean so much to me too and well…of all the things you could have quoted…you said that and that’s an arse because as much as I want to hate you right now. I can’t.”
“Sorry” Billie smiled, not looking the least bit apologetic for making my heart melt.
“Your being obsequious now” I sighed, fingering the rim of my wine glass, my other hand still firmly clutched to Billie’s.
“No I’m not, I’m being truthful” Billie grinned. “Vera I’ve respected you for years and now that I have met you…I don’t know…it feels right.” He smiled at me with those beautiful eyes of his; I knew I was falling for him… again.
There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
That thought rushed through my mind, my intentions of coming here and being nothing but rude and spiteful against this man had plummeted into me wanting him so badly it hurt. Maybe Marcus was right, fate had brought us together in the same place and maybe I shouldn’t try and prevent something that, maybe, just maybe was destined. The way his eyes shone at mine, the way his fingers softly caressed my own made me believe that maybe, just maybe, something special had started here. I fell out of my deep thoughts, my mood lifting; I was relaxed now, happy much like our conversations before that dreaded say in the studio.
What else could he be hiding?
“Do you have a poster of me on your wall?”
He snapped back at my question. His eyes glazing over me in confusion,
“What?”
“Do you?” I asked again, my eyebrow rising wickedly as I gripped his hand tighter.
I felt Billie’s legs shift under the table and my toes curled at the thought of his skin against my own.
“Are you trying to seduce me Miss Brown?” He asked his voice gravelling as he leant further in towards me, picking up on my outrageous flirting and change of mood.
“No, I was simply asking a question and you have yet to give me an answer.” I smiled a small smile as my teeth grazing my bottom lip. His eyes turned dark and I suddenly felt his leg brush against my own purposely.
“As I matter of fact I do.” His sex-ridden grin clouded my head and far from thinking about the chicken salad had just been placed in front of me, my mind tracked to other things. Things that you think of and feel when listening to A Type O negative song loudly on your own. Things that seemed to reflect in Billie’s eyes, in the touch of his skin and the way he chewed his food.
We ate our food quickly, picking at it, both staring at each other with that same black clouded thought in our minds.
When we had finished Billie threw a wad of notes on the table and stood up,
“Hey I’ll pay for…” I tried to protest but he cut across me.
“Come on Vera, I invited you out and plus…you can pay me in other ways.” He grinned folding his arm around my waist and guiding me out of the restaurant.
“Can I now? And why do you assume that?” I swatted at him with my hand as we both hurriedly caught the lift, both knowing exactly where this was leading to.
Billie didn’t reply, he stood smiling at me in the mirror, his cheeks flushing every now and again.
Another couple slightly older than us were the only one in the lift; they eyed us suspiciously, the blonde woman raising her eyebrow at Billie then at me before glancing down at her feet and chatting idly to her husband about sightseeing.
The lift stopped and the couple now chatting away about the Hollywood sign left leaving us alone in the lift.
!Ding! Third floor.
The doors slowly shut and I felt a hand grasp my waist fingers indenting for me to turn. And as I did my lips crashed against his, my breath shook and I felt his warm tongue against my own, his odour filling my every sense, my hands grasping desperately through his hair. My fingertips rushing at the feel of his black tresses my nose brushing against his, my mind trying desperately to hold every sense, touch, taste and texture of him all at once.
The bell rang again and my floor came into view as the doors opened. Parting lips I fought for my breath as Billie took hold of my hand and half trotted towards my room door. I had my mind tracked, room, floor, Billie’s clothes, bed.
Crashing me against the wood he anchored me against the cold door and the rush of pulsating heat from his body. Our breathing darted through the air as his hands eagerly raced up my sides to clutch my face, kissing me hard and quickly as I fumbled with the door key in my bag, stepping forwards as he wrapped his arms around me, crashing him back into the opposite wall.
The door opened with the slide of the key from my free hand, frenziedly kissing Billie but sliding the key through the latch at the same time proved difficult. We pulled apart in search of air, smiling widely at each other like two mentally crazed lunatics. I chuckled and pulled Billie into the room by the wrist; I stopped at the edge of the bed, his body thudded softly and clumsily against my back as we stopped. I turned around, time slowed down, seconds felt like whole hours as I slowly leaned in against his strong chest. Fingers moving to his jaw line as his soft hands reached around my body, gripping my waist tightly. His breath exhaled deeply as his lips moved closer to my aching ones, I needed him, and I needed him now. The door slammed shut.
My free hand snatched at his hair, oh how I loved the feel of his hair against my fingers. The sound of rushing breath filled my senses, gasping for air our mouths broke apart, chests heaving for want of oxygen, a beautiful smile fixated on his face. My heart boomed loudly in my chest as he hands raced down to the zip at the back of my dress, the buzzing noise shattering the panting in the atmosphere around us, heat pulsating every movement as his fingers groped against my skin, my clothing dropping to the floor. Stepping out of the mess of fabric at my feet I fell backwards onto the bed, Billie following my movements, kissing me furiously as we scrappled upwards to the headboard. The sound of kissing, whishing bed sheets and the silent clipping of buttons un-doing filled the air as Billie’s hands slid up my legs to the small of my back clutching me tighter. My mind clouded with heat and anticipation, sweaty shaking emotions rushed through my mind as Billie inebriated my brain, held me so tightly, became my every sense and thought, driving me completely insane and sending me entirely over the edge. The bastard.