I'm Not Your Protege, Just Your Kid

A few hours later I woke up to extreme abdominal pains. I’m pretty sure all you girls know about this, right? God, this is the worse feeling in the world. This is the one time where I wish I had the male reproductive system instead of the female one.

I got up from my bed and crept over to the door. I opened it and slowly walked down the stairs, careful not to upset my stomach anymore than it already is. When I got down there, the guys were still sitting around the couches, but this time with beer in their hands. Zack sent me a tiny grin from the corner, but I gave him a harsh glare in return. Not wanting to deal with anybody else, I went directly to Jimmy. I rested my head on his bony shoulder and I felt him rub my back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I looked around at the guys to make sure they weren’t listening and I cleared my throat a bit. “Can you take me to the store?” I asked him.

“What for?” he asked and took another sip of his beer. I looked at the bottle longingly but shook my head before I could snatch it away from him and finish it.

“I need to get something,” I told him.

“Okay, what is it?” he asked and started to search for his keys in his pockets.

God damn it! Do guys have to know everything?

“Jimmy, just take me to the fucking store,” I pleaded and clutched my stomach.

“Well just tell me what you’re going for,” he said.

“Fine Jimmy! I’m on my period and need tampons!” I screamed, clearly agitated and cranky at him.

His eyes widened and I heard the guys commenting in the background.

“You guys shut up before I make you buy me tampons!” I yelled at them.

They immediately shut up and I turned back to Jimmy.

“Please?” I begged.

He gave me a hesitant look and I sighed. Don’t they know the pain I’m currently in?

“Jimmy, I’ll go inside and get them, you just have to drive me there,” I negotiated.

“Alright, fine,” he sighed.

“Thanks,” I gratefully said.

I ran upstairs and yanked on my, warn out converse and ran downstairs. Jimmy was waiting for me at the door and he opened the door for me.

“Hey Jayden, can you pick me up something?” Devon called out.

I stuck my middle finger up at him and walked out the door without another look back. I got into Jimmy’s silver car and we drove off towards the store. Seeing as how I never really talked to Jimmy, I had nothing to say to him.

“You know Devon didn’t know anything about the tour,” Jimmy told me when we stopped at a red light.

“Don’t try to cover up for him,” I said and continued looking out the window.

“I’m not Jayden. Devon honestly didn’t know about the tour. We brought it up to him today,”

“Well how come I can’t go?” I asked finally turning to look at him.

“Because your father doesn’t want you to get hurt while on tour,” he told me.

“Oh please, he acts as if I’m a 5 year old who can’t defend herself,” I huffed and crossed my arms.

“We know you’re not, but Zack is just very overprotective of you. He doesn’t want you to get hurt,”

“I’m not though! You guys don’t understand how much I’ve always wanted to be a part of a tour. I could be one of the roadies for all I care, but I’m still on tour,” I explained to Jimmy.

“Wow, we never knew that. We all thought you would want to be away from us for months on end,”

“I would, but I need Devon there with me,”

“I see where you’re coming from. I’ll talk to Zack if you want me to,” Jimmy said and parked the car in front of a small convenience store.

“You can try, but I doubt anything is going to get through that thick fat head of his,” I said.

“Oh get out you trouble maker,” he chuckled and shoved my head.

I chuckled and got out of the car. I walked into the store and went directly to the feminine aisle. I was standing in the aisle for a couple of minutes, trying to decide which one to get when I saw Jimmy walking up to me from the corner of my eye.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I had to get some beer,” he said and showed me the case of beer.

I nodded and went back to looking at the excessive amounts of womanly products on the shelves.

“God, how do you know which one to get?” Jimmy asked while looking at the various items.

“It depends. If you bleed heavy-” I started to say but Jimmy cut me off.

“Okay! Enough information, let’s go,” he shuddered and walked out of the aisle.

I laughed to myself and grabbed a pack of stuff. I saw Jimmy’s head over the aisles and I walked up next to him at the cash register. I gave him a big grin and he gave me a suspicious look.

“What?” he asked.

“Can you buy these for me?” I asked with an innocent face.

“Jayden,” he whined.

“Please? I’m probably pissing blood as we speak,” I said.

“Oh god,” he shuddered and flung my stuff on the counter.

The middle-aged cashier was giving us funny looks and I gave him a glare. He gave me a dirty look in return and went back to ringing up stuff. While waiting for him to finish I started looking around. My eyes landed on his nametag and I started to laugh.

Both Jimmy and the man looked at me and I tried to cover up my laugh, but I couldn’t. His nametag read ‘J.N. Noff’ and I started laughing again.

“Jayden? What are you laughing at?” Jimmy asked me.

“Did you read his nametag?” I asked.

Jimmy shook his head and read it. He looked back at me with a confused look and I rolled my eyes at him. I turned to the cashier who was now bagging our stuff.

“Does your first name happen to be Jack?” I asked.

“Yes, why?” he asked me.

I started laughing again and in between my laughter I told Jimmy to say the man’s name over and over again. A look of realization came over his face and he too started laughing.

“What’s so funny about my name?” the guy huffed.

“Your name clearly says ‘Jacking off’,” I explained to the man.

His eyes became wide and he yelled at us to get out. We snatched up the bags and ran out of the store still laughing. We got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot. I waved to the cashier through the window and he stomped off towards the back.

Jimmy and I were still laughing on the way home and I now had stitches in my side. We pulled up in the driveway and made our way up the driveway. I unlocked the door and we walked back to the family room. We looked at each other and started laughing hard all over again.

Everybody was looking at us as if we were smoking something and giving each other confused looks.

“What’s so funny?” Brian asked.

“Well when I was paying for the stuff Jayden started laughing out of no where and she told me to look at the cashier’s nametag. His tag said ‘J.N. Noff’ and Jayden asked if his first name was Jack. Turns out his name was Jack and she told me to say his name over and over again,” Jimmy explained.

The guys started mumbling the name to them selves and one by one they started laughing. I held my stomach from laughing so hard and I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“Man, you are one perverted girl,” Brian said to me.

“I try, it’s a gift really,” I shrugged. “Well I’m going to go shower and go to bed,” I announced and went up the stairs.

After my shower I walked into my bedroom and lied down on the bed. I turned on the T.V. and started flipping through channels. I saw that Ren & Stimpy was on so I stopped flipping and settled on that.

Halfway through the show someone started knocking on my door. I told whoever it was to come in, not really paying attention to them.

“Hey Jayden,” I heard Zack say.

“Hi,” I told him.

“So Jimmy brought up some interesting,” he started off.

“That’s nice,” I said and tried concentrating on the show.

“Well I can try and pull some strings and get you to go on tour with us,” he said.

“Okay,” I said.

“Well if you do get to go, than we’ll be leaving the first of December,” he informed me.

“Alrighty than,” I said, quoting Jim Carrey from Ace Ventura.

He stayed on my bed and started watching the corrupted cartoon with me. Ren had just severely abused Stimpy and both Zack and I started laughing. We fell into a comfortable silence and for once I didn’t feel the need to say anything rude or mean.

“So Halloween is coming up in a couple of weeks. What do you plan to do?” Zack asked me.

“I don’t know. I don’t even have a costume,” I shrugged and started looking for something else to watch since the cartoon finished.

“Well than I guess we have to go shopping for one don’t we?” Zack asked.

I looked up at him with a horrified look.

“What?”

“I hate shopping. And not only that, it’s embarrassing for a girl to go shopping with her parent,” I explained to him.

“You’re embarrassed to be seen in public with me?” he asked with a shocked face.

“Hell yes!” I said.

“Why?”

“Because you never let me do what I want to do,”

“That’s because everything you want to do will end up in us either being put in jail or killed,”

“You’re no fun,” I huffed.

“Thank you. That’s how fathers are supposed to be,” he said and got up from my bed.

“Oh go away,”

“Alright, go to bed, you have school tomorrow,” he said. He kissed me on the forehead and I shoved him away.

“God, go away!” I screamed and rubbed my forehead.

“Goodnight,” he chuckled and shut the door.

I shut off the T.V. and got under the covers. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light.