About a Girl

This. Was. Too. Much.

“Addie, it’s going to be okay, just remember to breath,” Alex had told me over and over again. His voice was playing itself to death in my head like a bad mantra or broken record. I was like a robot as a stared into the mirror in front of mirror; I touched my hair and smoothed out the front of my dress. I don’t know why I was so nervous – No, nervous was not the word. Sad, upset, angry with myself because of how the best few days had unfolded. But I was not nervous. Because I had already said my vows once this past week.

[>>>]Seven Days Ago[<<<]

“Do you, William Eugene Beckett take Addison Marie Siska as your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?”

Will gave me a strong smile as he said, “I do.”

The Justice of the Peace turned to me, “And do you, Addison Marie Siska take William Eugene Beckett as your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?”

I bit my lip. I knew exactly what I was doing but I couldn’t help but look over to my left where Alex was standing somberly, and immediately I wish I hadn’t. Alex was looking at me with sad, tear filled eyes. I just stared at Alex and he stared back, the thought came across my mind that I wasn’t doing the right thing for myself.

A hand touched my wrist, “Addie, you don’t have to do this for me.”

I looked over at Will, who looked liked death had already come for him, and thought out loud, “But how? You have no one.”

My hand immediately clasped over my mouth. Will looked down at his blue bed sheets, “Addie – let me tell you this, I won’t die alone; there are constantly millions of people out there thinking of me. And if you want me to be happy, stop trying to make me happy.”

“I-I, but, Will…” I was stuttering over my words. I think it’s because I didn’t have any anymore. He took them all from me.

“Just leave Addie, and don’t come back. I don’t want to see you anymore,” Will then turned his face from me. I could barely feel Alex slid his hand into mine and pull me from the room.

I didn’t feel anything for the next few days. I lied in the bed and Alex brought me food and tried to get me to talk. We had fallen back into our routine that we were in when had gotten off of tour. But after the fifth day passed, at about three in the morning – I just snapped back to. I woke Alex up and we had sex, though immediately afterwards I vomited.

I prayed the two weren’t related.

I blinked as Kara handed me my bouquet of fresh cut white and yellow daisies, “It’s time.”

An immediate smile lit my lips. It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t fake. My mind started to buzz with the thought of being Mrs. Alexander Gaskarth. The one and only. I swallowed an invisible piece of gum that was now stuck in the back of my throat. Maybe now nervous was the word. I looked around for Kara, Kate, Adam, Jack or just anyone. But I was all that was left standing behind two very large wooden doors.

I heard the Wedding March start to play and those very large doors opened to reveal a room with at least two hundred people. But they weren’t who I was looking at – I wasn’t even thinking about those people who were looking at my less than conventional wedding dress, or whispering about my almost marriage to another man, a dying man at that.

I was looking at the man who was looking at me directly in the eyes, and I swear I flew straight up that aisle; thank god I was wearing flats, just to stand directly beside him. I didn’t pay attention to the vows; I only knew it was my turn to say ‘I Do’ when Alex poked me in the stomach.

“What?”

“Baby, if you want to marry me you got to say, I do,” Alex laughed.

I smiled up at him. I swear my eyes never left his face that entire day, “Oh right, I do.”

The minister laughed along with us, “May I present for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Alexander and Addison Gaskarth!”

[>>>]

It wasn’t until later, when we were leaving the reception that the phone started to ring. Alex and me were in the middle of packing and changing out of our wedding clothes. I had just taken my dress off when I answered the phone, completely out of breath, “Hello?”

“Mrs. Siska, this is Doctor Derek Shepherd calling,” Dr. Shepherd, Will’s doctor? Why is he calling, and why does he sound so… strange?

“Um, actually it’s Gaskarth now. Doctor – what’s wrong, you sound so… Strange isn’t even the word,” I didn’t even know how to put how his voice was making me feel. Sitting on the in my white under clothes, I picked at my bra as Dr. Shepherd took his time responding.

“I don’t personally like calling loved ones and doing this but – Will has passed on,” He said it in a rushed and hurried way. It sounded like a lie. I knew it was a lie.

Bluntly I said, “You’re lying.”

Doctor Shepherd sighed, “I can’t tell you the truth – but even if I could, it would just hurt you worse, I’m sorry Mrs. Gaskarth, goodbye.”

And with that he hung up on me. I stared at the phone in my hand. I didn’t know what to believe. Alex walked into the bedroom wearing a straw hat and a pair of sunglasses, all set for our honeymoon in Hawaii.

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

I looked up at him slowly as I spoke, “Will’s doctor called – he said Will died but then told me that he couldn’t tell me the truth, that it would hurt me worse.”

I felt the bed sink down next to me and Alex’s arms went around me, “Addie, if that’s true – and if that means that Will is alive somewhere and he doesn’t want you to know; he has your best interest at heart. Don’t fight it, please.”

I looked up into Alex’s big amazing dark eyes, “Don’t worry – I’m not going to.”