Frankly, I Don't Love You.

I sat on the water’s edge looking for the ducks but there were none in sight. It was getting cold, so I hugged my jacket close to my body.

“You do know that ducks don’t like the cold, so they go somewhere warmer right? That’s why they’re not here,” a voice from behind me said

“Well, I guess I’ll have to come back in the spring then.” I said not looking behind me, “Why did you come here A.J?”

She came and sat down next to me but I still couldn’t look at her, it hurt my heart way too much.

“I was worried about you. And, I wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry. When you told me all of those things, I just froze. I was trying to tell you that I felt the same but some things that have happened in the past prevented it.”

“What could have happened to you that was so bad that it now holds you back from expressing romantic feelings? It’s not like you got raped or anything…” I scoffed

I felt her shake from beside me.

“Actually Frank, I did”

“Uh-w-wow. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Oh my god A.J. I didn’t mean to or know.”

I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

“Of course, I mean only pretty girls get raped. Is that what you meant to say?” she said. I looked up finally, and saw her, radiant. She was crying now and I didn’t know what to do.

“I wasn’t going to say that. I just meant you seem so pulled together all the time and whenever it happened, you made it seem like nothing happened.”

“Oh believe me, I was a mess, but I had a lot of help from Gerard. And for always looking together I don’t think so.”

“Okay, but I’m still really sorry about what I said.”

“No, it’s okay, how could you know? I’ve been so afraid that you would be less of me because of something like that. That’s the main reason why I hid it, I just couldn’t tell you something as bad as that”

“I understand. But I’m glad you could tell me now” I said.

“I also wanted to apologize for making you run away. Back there, everything happened so fast and I didn’t know what to say. The whole ‘bad thing’ just made it harder to get anything out as well. I really do feel the same way about you, I just can’t say it”

What did she just say?

“You do?” I asked trying to make sure I hadn’t made that part up in my head like I had so many times before.

“Yes, I do. And I’m really sorry I’ve waited so long to tell you.”

I finally felt at ease and for the rest of the night, I just held her in my arms.