Frankly, I Don't Love You.

I was too busy relishing the delight of having a song written about me to notice that Frank and Mikey had left the basement. I stayed sitting on the couch thinking about what a wonderful turn of events had occurred after I stood up to… Frank. I still winced a bit when thinking of… him. Gerard noticed me sitting alone, and he quietly walked over. He took a seat next to me, and protectively wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I smiled and adjusted my self leaning slightly on his chest, just to where I could hear the steady beating of his heart.

I closed my eyes for a second to take in the feelings that were beginning to surface. In the entire year we had been together we still had flourished into something so much more than best friends. He knew everything about me and I him. This was the way relationships were supposed to be. The one I had always dreamed of.

“A.J?” he whispered.

“Yes?” I asked

“Would it be okay if I told you that I love you?” he asked

I froze. I tried to block out every bad memory that came rushing through my mind. It took me a full minute before I could regain my composure enough to speak again. “Gerard, I think that would be okay”, I finally decided. I curled up a bit closer to him to show him I felt safe with him now.

“A.J. sweetheart, don’t worry, I love you no matter what. And if we find that stupid ex boyfriend of yours, I will kill him for doing that to you. He took something that wasn’t his to take without your consent. I don’t want to hurt you, and I won’t. I plan on staying around you for a very long time, and hopefully you do too”

“Gerard, I feel it, you know I can feel it, but since, everything happened I can’t say it… It hurts too much. I plan on staying with you for a long time too, Gerard; you know how much I care about you” I whispered kissing his cheek.

The pain that remained inside me, I pushed farther away, so I could try to tell him how I felt. The one phrase that everyone could say without a doubt, “I love you” was the one that I couldn’t even think about without having the flashback of my former boyfriend who forced himself on me. He made me believe that he loved me and I loved him too.

Gerard had been my best friend around the time it had happened, and he was the first person I had come to. After two years, of the incident, I still couldn’t express myself the right way. Mikey knew, but not Jeremy. Jeremy was not a person I could tell something like that, regardless if he was my brother or not. I also had a fear that he would tell Frank who would more than likely taunt me, for not getting the full story, as he usually did.

Gerard was my protective blanket. I cared for him more than anyone could imagine. He loved me even though I couldn’t love him back. He never rushed anything because he knew of the boundaries we had to keep. I couldn’t think of any other perfect way to spend with someone.

But as all good things are, they must come to and end, sooner or later, in a good way or in a bad way….