Frankly, I Don't Love You.

The day following Frank’s interesting behavior, so to say, I woke up with a slight headache. My alarm was blaring “Sweet Child of Mine” by Guns N’ Roses which was my favorite song but didn’t seem to help the intense pain I was feeling.
I quietly trudged towards the bathroom and proceeded to get ready. The shower felt invigorating. Today was going to be a good day and I was sure of it. I finished my shower in a flourish of ten minutes. I dressed quickly throwing on a Queen t-shirt and my tight blue jeans. My auburn hair was set at my shoulders and had spiral curls that fell throughout. I added a bit of eyeliner and mascara to my eyes leaving the rest of my face untouched, natural. I pulled on my shoes, and proceeded to go downstairs to eat.

On my way, I turned to the next room and knocked on Jeremy’s door. Not more than five seconds after, a very groggy Jeremy pulled the door open just a tad, to where I couldn’t see his half clothed body. I sighed leaving him to his business; he was always late for school anyways. He still had to go wake up Frank, which made them even later. I grabbed my regular soy breakfast bar, took my messenger bag off the hook, and headed off to see Gerard and Mikey. The walk from my house to the Way’s was chilly to say the least. It had been a miracle I had actually remembered to bring a sweater, even wear long pants. Jersey was home, sure, although I still preferred warm weather.

When I got to the Way residence, I didn’t bother to knock. Walking in, I noticed that there was a different aura in the air. Something was not right. Mikey usually was not very troubled, so it was safe to assume that the problem was Gerard. The hallway that lead to Gerard’s room was slightly dark. Suddenly, Mikey popped out from his own room. He looked worried and wasn’t even dressed yet.

“Alyson don’t go in there!” he yelled. I grimaced at the sound of my real name. Then was horrified by what that meant. Whenever Mikey said my first name was when something terrible had happened.

“What happened to him, Mikey?” I asked even more concerned than I was previously. “And don’t lie to me either”

“Gerard had a bit of a rough night…” he trailed off. “A.J. you know he has alcohol issues right?” he slowed down a bit. “Well, last night he didn’t take the news of our parents getting a divorce so great and he got, um… drunk.”

“I thought he was going to stay sober” I whispered.

“He has been sober, ever since he got together with you, but that news just shook him pretty bad.” Mikey calmed me down. “He’s just disturbed, he thinks that everyone will end up like our parents. That all relationships aren’t functional.”

“So, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?” I asked blinking back tears.

“You’d have to talk to him about that A.J. I honestly don’t want you two to be apart, do you?”

“No, I don’t” I answered honestly.

“Go talk to him then” he urged. The look in his eyes was pleading and filled with intense emotion of hope that things would all work out. I nodded, turned on my heel, and braced myself for whatever I would find.

I opened the door meekly and took noticed that the room was darker than I was accustomed to. The bed that was normally done was unruly and piled with bottles. Gerard was laying there on the floor, his eyes blood shot where it would normally be white and a black abyss where it would usually be his pale skin tone. I crept in, not wanting to disturb him and sat next to him quietly. I knew him too well to know he wasn’t drunk. Whenever he was, he would push me away, not wanting to hurt me. We both reminisced in our thoughts for an eternity until he shattered the silence like glass.

“What do you want to happen between us A.J? I can’t trust myself with you now with all of these complications. It’s too risky and I don’t want to see you hurt more than you have in the past” he said softly looking at me.

“As much as it hurts me to say this, I think it’s probably-” I swallowed hard trying to find the words “best, if we aren’t together anymore. I really care about you, but right now, you need some time to sort things out and get better. I understand that.” I tried to smile reassuringly, nevertheless, more tears slipped down.

Gerard looked wiped away my tears with his thumb and took hold of my hands. Then, he placed a soft kiss on my lips, not pushing anything that would trigger old memories. The relationship we had didn’t care much for physical closeness considering Gerard knew about my treacherous past with those instances. He waited 3 months to hold my hand, another 2 to kiss my cheek, and another 6 just to snuggle on the couch with me. Waiting a year for a kiss really meant and now it just made it harder to let go. He stayed silent; we both knew how it was going to end. I gave him a very tight hug and hesitantly kissed him on the lips for the last time.

“Bye Gerard. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” I whispered shakily.

“Bye, A.J. I love you.” He sang softly.

“I know, I’ll always love you too”

I rose and walked out of the room. Not bothering to tell Mikey, I fled from the house and to the park two blocks down from the house. I sat under the tree where Gerard and I met, only this made me feel worse, and brought down more tears. I don’t know how long I was there for, until someone called my name.

“A.J?”