And Then We Will Destroy Our Bodies

12

Who does she think she is? Frank thought almost angrily as he got up to his room and shut the door behind him. She was his mother of course, so she could say anything and make all the accusations she wanted.

Frank crossed over to his closet, kicking off his sneakers and tossing them in, what irked him was what his mother said last, ‘You’ll be in over your head.’

How was she to know? She didn’t know about the last year of bullying and teasing at school, she didn’t know anything about sexual confusion, or losing Jimmy or being depressed, or how all the fighting effected him. She doesn’t know what I can handle he reasoned…

She doesn’t know anything about me.

Frank knew he was being a little unfair, but he hated nothing more then to be thought of as naïve.

She doesn’t know anything about being gay, anyways.

He thought a little more fairly this time…
Besides, he could handle the college crowd just fine, it was just like a bigger high school. He knew how to say no to drugs, he wasn’t a little kid anymore, he hadn’t been a little kid for a long time now. Gerard was just Gerard, not the whole population of GU…

Gerard…

Frank left his room with a purposeful walk, going down to the kitchen where his mother was putting away groceries. He took the portable phone from the charger and walked very purposefully back to him room, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it, looking at the phone he held.

Just do it, he told himself, just fucking dial and wait for him to answer…millions of people do this all the time…make phone calls everyday, all day, all night…at night is when they have phone sex though.

It wasn’t till then that Frank realized that he’d seen Gerard not more than 20 minutes ago and he was back in class right now.

Shit.

Still looking at the phone in hand and not ready to let that pep talk go waste Frank went over to his desk, rummaging around in the first drawer for his small black address book. Aside from his Grandmother’s and Aunt, and few kids he knew from middle school that he never talked to, the book was pathetically empty.

Frank flipped to the R’s for Reardon where Jimmy’s new address was… 416 St. Paul street, Norman Oklahoma Frank hadn’t talked to Jimmy much since he’d moved away with his mother and sister.

(405) 476- 7183

What would I say anyways? Frank thought, staring at the address, What is there to say? Hey Jim, my dad left us, I met this sexy college guy, god! You should see him. My mom’s being nosey about basically everything and I miss you so goddamn fucking much!

Frank sighed, he’d worked so hard not to be desperate but he could feel himself breaking…he just wanted to curl up in bed and have Jimmy hold him like he used to, to fall asleep with the weight and shadow of someone next to him, watching over him, why was that too much to hope for these days?

Frank rubbed his hand over his eyes, and dialed the number in his head, waiting till the rings were answered.

“Hello?” Jim’s mom, fuck. Frank really didn’t want to talk to another mother right now.
Another Mother…ha, that rhymes.

“Hey, uhm, is Jim there?”

“Oh, he’s not, he’s out with some friends,” There was a pause, “is this Frank?”

“Yes.” Frank answered miserably Out with friends???...

“Oh my! I thought it was you sweetie, how have you been? It must be lonely there without Jim, hm? How is school? I-”

“I’m fine actually,” Frank broke in, “My dad walked out on me and my mom, I just met this guy, and I’m getting in trouble at school so I really don’t have time to be lonely, you know how it is.” He paused for a breath. “but thanks for asking, will you tell Jim I called please?”

There was a pause

“Frank, is you mother around?”

Frank hung up and threw the phone at the wall, angry for even trying.

Jimmy had been gone for a few short months and already he had friends, Jim didn’t make friends, he just didn’t. Frank had been alone for a few months and already he had bullies after him, typical.

It’s not like Jimmy was the most likeable guy either, except he was, he just didn’t appear that way. If you were an outsider you were basically toast, Jimmy wouldn’t keep you around long enough for you to see how great a guy he really was… It was a hard act to follow, so he had most likely ditched that hard-to-get shit and now had a mass following.

Jim must’ve gone and changed…God, that lucky bastard.

+++++

8 o’clock rolled around and Frank held the phone again which was a little scuffed but no worse for wear.

After kicking some things around in his room for a little while, Frank had gone downstairs and hung out with his mom, a little ashamed for being so pissy earlier and not even helping bring in the groceries…

They didn’t talk really, they made dinner and ate in the living room, Frank nodding halfheartedly as his mom told him a little about the job she was starting this week.

They were both moving on and acting normal, was this right? Was this even okay? They both knew it wasn’t because they weren’t moving on, they weren’t acting normal, they were just going through the motions. Just the motions…Frank’s dad hadn’t even called since he left, not to check in or to say ‘i love you’ or Sorry I left without you, or Fuck, ANYTHING.

He left you moron, he left because he doesn’t love you Frank thought with tears welling up in his eyes he doesn’t love either of you…not anymore.

Frank shook it off and typed in the numbers he had already committed to memory, just in case, Frank listened on the line for four rings, as long as he had decided to wait around, anymore than four wasn’t patience, it was desperation. He noticed he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach and had no idea where that had come from. Possibly the vivid dreams he had been having…

I think I hate myself right now Frank thought, he wasn’t like Jim, so far as he knew he didn’t have the ability to not be a loner, his personality was different, he couldn’t pull friends out of his magic top hat.

Though that would be pretty sweet…

“Hello?” Frank was so busy thinking he’d almost forgotten he was in his closet with the phone pressed against his ear.

“Hey, uhm, it’s Frank.” Frank mentally kicked himself for that lameness There goes my awesome opening line…

“Frank, hi, you called at a good time, I just finished my homework, I had to watch Psycho for school.”

“You watch horror movies for homework??” Frank asked, intrigued, he was somehow able to hear the smile in Gerard’s voice

“Yeah, I’m pretty fortunate, I watched Hitchcock all through highschool and now it’s my college work. Screw Trig, I watch movies!”

Frank laughed “Wish that was my homework, I’d have all A’s.”

“Hey now, don’t go slighting me. It takes a pretty gifted person to sit though Psycho,” Gerard said with mock dignity.

“Right, just like it takes a pretty gifted person to win over mothers.”

“Are you mocking me, Franklin? That is your full name right? I want to be able to call you that when I’m teasing you.”

“Yes, yes and no.” Frank answered, a million different things going through his head, one of them being the word Tease. God, he wished Gerard would tease him!

“Yes you’re mocking me, yes that’s your name and-”

“-And no, you can’t call me that.” Frank finished for him

“Shit, it sounds so great though.” Gerard sounded disappointed

“It’s the shittiest name ever invented!” Frank protested “and it makes me sound like a happy turtle!”

Gerard snorted “Franklin the turtle! Hey, I know him, he’s pretty cute.”

They both laughed and there was a pause, both of them wondering how on earth their conversation had turned to this, that much was apparent by Gerard coughing shortly

“So what are you up to?” Gerard asked

“Uhm…” Frank thought back over his day…school in the morning, something he did NOT want to remember, then that interrogation by his mom, then falling apart in his room, then making up with his mom, then falling apart in his room again…a productive day was it not?

“Not much,” he concluded “I did noticed though…” Frank paused a moment…

“Yeah? Noticed what?” Gerard led him to continue

“Just a moment, you have to promise that if we talk about poetry that it won’t be all we talk about.”

There was a long pause

“Oh Jesus, I’m not that bad!” Gerard protested, with a hint of guilt in his voice?

“I’m not so sure. Promise” Frank ordered

“Okay, I promise.” Gerard resigned himself with a chuckle

“Okay good.”

“So you noticed?...” Gerard prodded, not to be denied once he’d made a promise and everything.

“Oh right, yeah, so I noticed that when you read poetry at the school you said the word ‘shit’ in your poem. ‘all the shit that makes this one mine’? Remember?”

There was a pause “Yeah.”

“Right, so, I turn in prose this week with ‘shit’ in it and Mrs. Kent threw a hissy fit over it and I got a D for ‘disgusting language’. A fucking D! So I can’t say ‘shit’, but when the great Gerard Way does, it’s poetic and incredible and Mrs. Kent just eats it up with a fucking spoon!”

“You got a D just for the word shit?” Gerard asked sounding a little astounded

“One of those little pink ice cream spoons.” Frank clarified, “Yes, a D.” he added as an after thought. “She said she’d give me an A if I edited it though.”

“And that’s when you told her where she could put it.” Gerard finished for him

“Fuck yes! I’m against censorship.” Frank informed

“Fuck yes!” Gerard agreed, “When Bob Dylan uses ‘shit’ in his songs that’s not ‘obscene’, that’s art, when Renoir painted a nude it wasn’t pornography, it was art,” Gerard sounded utterly empowered, “When you put it into the context of poetry, it’s art, it’s how you convey it. You know?”

“Wow. You should run for president.” Frank observed, “You’d have the most excellent speeches.”

“Hey, mock me not,” Gerard laughed a little embarrassed, “I guess you can tell I don’t lack passion.”

“No, I was kidding. Really. But wow, you’re so motivational!”

“I just think it’s stupid.” Gerard concluded “To teach one thing and set a standard for another.”

There was a pause…

“You remembered the last line in my poem?” Gerard was back to sounding amazed again, but this time with a sneaking hint of triumph in it.

“I think we can change the subject now.” Frank offered as more than just a suggestion

“No wait, you totally remembered my poem… you liked it didn’t you?” Gerard voice held an accusation

“It was Mrs. Kent who told you that I didn’t like it in the first place!” Frank defended

“We should maybe change the subject then shouldn’t we?” Gerard laughed sheepishly

“Yes.” Frank agreed

“Okay…so, there’s this party coming up…” Gerard paused to see if Frank would say anything, maybe help along the invitation. Frank didn’t. What he didn’t know is that Frank was listening so intently that his hand hurt from gripping the phone…

“And it’s not really a go-to-alone type thing and Mikey’s coming along with Ray, it’s Thursday night? Do you maybe want to go…with me?”

“Okay.” Frank said nonchalantly

“Okay?” Gerard sounded almost as if he misheard, which made Frank giggle a little to himself

“Yeah, it sounds fun, especially if Mikey’s coming. He’s cute.”

“Did you just call my little brother cute?” Gerard asked with a laugh

“Yeah, but I meant funny-cute, you know.”

“Yes, I do actually. He’s got you fooled though, because he’s not cute AT ALL.”

“Aww, you sound a little resentful, let me guess, your parents love him more.”

“You don’t have to sound so pleased about it Frank.” Gerard faked a hurt voice,

“Awh, I’m sorry,” Frank laughed a little, “I didn’t know it was a sore subject. If it makes you feel any better I’m an only child so there isn’t a another kid for my parents to love more then me…then since they couldn’t have a favorite they kind of opted out all together.”

“Oh lame, that’s not true. Your mom seemed really protective of you, that’s love, just in a different form.”

“The form that sucks.” Frank clarified remembering the conversation he and his mom had on the way home earlier that day, and the reason why he was in his closest talking on the phone, instead of out in the open like any normal human being.

Gerard laughed a little “Well, sometimes…Hey, I should go, I promised I’d help around the house since my mom’s having a dinner party tomorrow night.”

“You have chores?!” Frank sounded painfully gleeful at the thought of a domestic Gerard…no wait, Gerard in a little maid outfit…hahahaha, yes!

“No. Mikey has chores and he shoved them off on me. The cuteness of that kid just keeps growing huh?”

“Yes!” Frank agreed, “I can just see you with a little feather duster…do you wear one of those frilly aprons?!”

“No Frank, I don’t.” Gerard tried not to sound amused but Frank could hear the laugh in his voice, he wished Gerard would say something like I wear cute frilly aprons to bed though. instead he heard

“Hey, do you want to hang out on Thursday? maybe for a few hours before the party, I could pick you up or something. We could go somewhere.”

Frank tried not to squeal, that would be uncool “Yeah, that’d be cool, what time?”

“uhm, 5-ish, the party’s not till 8 so…I’ll pick you up then?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Frank was bursting inside…

It didn’t occur to Frank till after Gerard had said goodbye and he had listened on the phone for an extra moment that he was doing exactly what his mother had just been so displeased about.

It took Frank another extra moment to realize that he didn’t care if his mom liked Gerard or not…he had a date…maybe even a real one…with the man of his dreams (literally) and right now, nothing was going to screw that up…