And Then We Will Destroy Our Bodies
Eight is the date...
DownStairs was the only college café in the are that had poetry readings, it was really just the downstairs lounge of Fido’s, a vegan restaurant/café that had once been a pet shop. It sounds unhygienic but really it’s an awesome place. They converted the downstairs of Fido’s into a lounge/hangout/coffee shop place and the poetry geeks had taken it over, never mind that you could get the exact same coffee upstairs, no, they had to name it something different too, something indie and ironic like, oh, DownStairs… The absolute genius of these poetry people…
Frank had only been downstairs to DownStairs once or twice, mainly to get coffee when the line was too long upstairs. Now he went around the back way instead of going around to up top and coming down the red stairway inside, slipping into the café it was crowded and the noise was almost deafening, like a buzz and hum of constant chatter and laughing, it wasn’t a very big space, Frank hoped that Gerard had saved him a seat…if that wasn’t too date-ish.
The coffee counter was at the back of the room, along the walls were tables and chairs, and in the middle of the room there were 3 couches and a coffee table facing the ‘stage’, a foot high black platform with a mic stand and a bar stool, the bar stool being the only empty seat in the place.
Frank looked around, hoping to maybe spot Gerard’s soft looking black hair in the mill of people, distracted by a group of college kids coming in behind him he almost didn’t see Gerard waving to him from the middle couch. With a smile Frank wove his way through the room finally reaching the couch where Gerard was sitting next to a kid with a wild curly fro and next to him was a skinny boy with straight hair and white framed glasses
“Hey,” Gerard smiled, “You look awesome.”
“Thanks,” Frank noticed Gerard took a moment to look him over…who really looked awesome was Gerard himself, the black pants he was wearing were most positively much tighter than the ones he’d worn at the school and he was wearing a black t shirt with a grey batman emblem on the front, over it was a comfy looking black hoodie.
Gerard noticed that Frank was watching him so he looked away
“Oh I saved you a seat,” Gerard gave the kid with the fro a shove “Toro, your ass goes on the floor, move it.”
“Whaaaat?!,” Fro boy whined then noticing Frank he stood and grinned “You must be Frank,” he held out his hand “I’m Ray.”
“Yeah, hi,” Frank noticed that he wasn’t awkward about something like shaking hands…
“Oh,” Ray gestured gallantly, “I saved you a seat.”
“I saved the seat, you were just sitting in it!” Gerard protested
Ray shrugged and Frank grinned, “Thanks”
“Yeah, siddown really.” Gerard mumbled into his coffee cup but Frank could tell he was smiling,
Frank sat down on the couch, sinking down a good 3 inches…
“Oh, I got you some coffee…” Gerard motioned to the mug on the coffee table in front of them, “I didn’t know how you liked it so I made it how I like mine-”
There was a groan out of the kid with the glasses “Gerard, my God, I love you, I do, but you need to work on your social skills. Really.”
Frank looked over at this skinny kid, He loved him what?
“Shut up Mikey,” Gerard said taking a sip of his coffee before he went on talking to Frank “Mikey’s my little brother, he thinks making coffee for someone is reserved for after you’ve had sex with them and know only what they like in bed,” he looked at Frank over the rim of his mug as if to say Hmmm what do you think about that?
Frank looked at the two brothers, seeing a bit of resemblance now, “Well it’s true,” Frank started slowly, “If you’re going to make me coffee then we should at least have sex first.”
At this Mikey threw his fist in the air triumphantly and high fived Ray with a grin, Gerard only shaking his head good naturedly. Smiling, Frank reached for his coffee, cautiously taking a small sip…it was hazelnutty, with more cream than sugar, good, gulpable even, if it wasn’t so damn hot. Frank wanted to lean over and whisper to Gerard You know exactly how I like it. and watch his reaction.
So far, so good.
“So…” Frank started, crossing his legs, both his hands wrapped around the coffee mug he had rested on his knee “Will you be speaking for us tonight, Gerard?”
Gerard smiled, not missing or disappreciating the humor, “Nah, I never read at these things…I just like to come and listen and hang out, Mikey comes along to laugh at everyone, there’s actually some good readers though, like…”
Gerard scanned the room looking over and around people…”Like him, near the stage with the dark hair…”
“The pretty one?” Frank asked, interested.
Gerard laughed, “Bryan Olson, I’d have to say yes, he’s an amazing poet and writer, plus he’s good at reading, some people can write but aren’t able to read worth shit.”
Frank nodded, as Gerard looked around the room again “And also Conner, at the table by the door, he’s fantastic.”
Frank noted the admiration in his voice, “Oh, have you made him coffee too?”
Gerard grinned “No, Bryan does that for him.”
Wait… Frank had known very few gay people in his life, those he had were either his Aunt’s live-in decorator, who he had only met a few times but heard talked about in hushed whispers often enough, or Jimmy. Now he was in the room with at least 3 certifiably gay guys?!? This was new.
Just then Mikey leaned in front of Frank to catch his brothers attention even though the space was tiny…
“Hey Gerard, when’s Quinn’s party? You said we’d go together, remember?”
Gerard shook his head “Mikey, there no way in hell I’m taking you to one of Quinn Allman’s parties,”
“What?!?” Mikey pushed his glasses up farther on his nose “You promised!! Remember?!”
“He only promised because he was drunk.” Ray broke in with a laugh, “Remember??”
Mikey’s eyes lit up and Frank tried to follow this, including Gerard not looking too pleased.
“Yes!” Mikey nearly squealed “At Ryan’s house! He was wearing that outfit?!?”
Both Ray and Mikey were fighting off fits of giggles at some hilarious memory they seemed to share…
“What outfit?” Frank asked curiously
“Mikey shut up, shut up Mikey!” Gerard glared at his brother with a warning in his voice and a hint of panic
Mikey only laughed to himself and continued “it was-”
“A pink skirt!” Ray finished for him, both of them breaking into laughter, random words thrown in that obviously went with the whole story “that bra…” “the toilet!”
“Gerard,” Frank paused trying not to giggle, “You didn’t tell me you were a princess by dawn!”
This caused more laughter from Mikey, and Ray who was gasping for breath…
“Wow you are just so funny, original fucking comedians,” Gerard intoned into his coffee, “Yeah you laugh, go ahead, I know where you live.”
“I want to go to the Party!” Frank enthused much to Mikey’s delight
“We should all go together!” he practically squealed, though it was kinda obvious that Mikey was the kind of person who only made fun of people who squealed, and that he wasn’t actually one of them.
“We should all NOT.” Gerard said firmly, which Mikey ignored as he once again leaned around Frank to talk to his older brother…
“Gerard I like this one. I do. He’s not like those literature geeks you usually hang out with, remember the last one?!?!?”
Ray immediately burst into life “I do! That was the fucking WORST, man!” Ray obviously felt passionately about this because he went from sitting on the floor to whipped around on his knees in about 3 seconds, wanting to be the one to tell this story.
“Makes me shudder,” Mikey intoned with a small shudder, “See?!”
“It was bad,” Ray started, “This guy, he quoted at you, I mean, like not only all the fucking time, but he quoted Ginsburg. How much Ginsburg can you quote without talking about sex all the time?!?”
“He liked other stuff,” Gerard defended meekly, mostly for his own sake before finishing off his coffee while Ray ignored him, Frank listening with rapt fascination
“Not that I have a problem with sex mind you, it’s Ginsburg I can’t stand. It used to be okay, but now I can’t even read it! So thank you!”
“Anytime, you know I got your back.” Gerard said with a strikingly straight face before he smiled, looking into his empty coffee cup again. Noticing this Frank handed him his own mug that was still half full, Gerard gave him a grateful smile before settling back with it.
“So how old are you, Frank?” Mikey asked when the laughing had died down
“How old are you?” Frank asked back without answering, old habit, useful when being hit on by cautious college kids, coming from them it’s a rather rude question, so it gives you time to lie.
“16.” Mikey said unphased and with a small grin
“Me too,” Frank smiled, “What about your fro here?”
“I am 19 years old,” Ray stated, “same age as Gerard, but Mikey is my addiction, so I act a lot younger. Sometimes.” Ray hugged onto Mikey’s knee’s, making him squirm and end up kicking him lightly in the stomach
“Oops,” Mikey giggled turning to Frank “he’s lying though, We’re only friends.”
Gerard grinned at his chance for retaliation “Oh! except for that one time!”
“Shut up Gerard!” Ray and Mikey said in unison
Mikey leaned over Frank and hissed “I know where you live, princess by dawn!”
Gerard gave Frank a ‘Thanks so much for that’ look as Frank tried to muffle his giggles, for the sake of Gerard’s pride, not that he was all that concerned.
Frank reached over and took back his coffee, conscious of the fact that his mouth was just where Gerard’s had been, and that Gerard was watching him. It made him want to lick the rim of the cup and giggle.
Just then the lights went down, signaling what must be the start of the poetry, Frank was disappointed, he was starting to have fun, he didn’t want to stop to have to listen to poetry! But part of him wondered now what it was Gerard saw in it…
The room fell mainly silent, except for the clinking of cups and the occasional laugh, the first person up was a gothic kid with thick black hair that fell in his face and a mysterious deep voice.
“That’s WiL,” Gerard leaned over to whisper “…never made him coffee either.” Frank stifled a laugh.
The poem was…interesting. It was about a girl, a queen, she died and bled on white tile. And while the last part was gory but not bad, Frank was confused. Who died again? And something about coming back to life? He wasn’t sure…
The next person to take the microphone was a girl with long dreadlocks and about 7 rings in her lower lip, making whatever she said a mumble. Frank only caught the last line of her poem and that was because she practically shouted it
“We will disintegrate, because!”
There was absolute silence in the room as the girl stepped off the stage….
“That was disturbing.” Frank stated, gaze unmoving from the front of the room as Mikey and Gerard both stifled laughter. Though as the next person, a thin, dark haired kid of maybe 18, stepped onto the stage and sat on the bar stool he felt Gerard calm in anticipation beside him…was this kid really that good?
Bryan Olsen pushed his hair away from his face a little and looked out around the dim room, waiting a moment to speak, he introduced himself and fell quiet again, waiting another moment before he spoke again, then only saying,
“This is dedicated to my boyfriend, Conner…”
His poem started slowly, Frank wished he could remember the opening lines but he was too shocked by the fact this boy had just announced he had a boyfriend and wasn’t on the floor in a headlock yet…
As Bryan spoke Frank had planned to glance at Gerard to see his face, wondering if he’d see open adoration on it, but Frank was too caught up in the words Bryan was saying…there was pain behind them…pain of aloneness, and fighting, of hopelessness, pain of abandonment and confusion, pain that Frank knew and knew too well.
The difference was Bryan had found a savior…Frank wasn’t so sure he needed one.
Frank stood from the couch, silently moving past Gerard and the people standing next to the couch for lack of seats, weaving his way through the college crowd he made his way to the door…
He didn’t need a savior, he needed some air.
Frank had only been downstairs to DownStairs once or twice, mainly to get coffee when the line was too long upstairs. Now he went around the back way instead of going around to up top and coming down the red stairway inside, slipping into the café it was crowded and the noise was almost deafening, like a buzz and hum of constant chatter and laughing, it wasn’t a very big space, Frank hoped that Gerard had saved him a seat…if that wasn’t too date-ish.
The coffee counter was at the back of the room, along the walls were tables and chairs, and in the middle of the room there were 3 couches and a coffee table facing the ‘stage’, a foot high black platform with a mic stand and a bar stool, the bar stool being the only empty seat in the place.
Frank looked around, hoping to maybe spot Gerard’s soft looking black hair in the mill of people, distracted by a group of college kids coming in behind him he almost didn’t see Gerard waving to him from the middle couch. With a smile Frank wove his way through the room finally reaching the couch where Gerard was sitting next to a kid with a wild curly fro and next to him was a skinny boy with straight hair and white framed glasses
“Hey,” Gerard smiled, “You look awesome.”
“Thanks,” Frank noticed Gerard took a moment to look him over…who really looked awesome was Gerard himself, the black pants he was wearing were most positively much tighter than the ones he’d worn at the school and he was wearing a black t shirt with a grey batman emblem on the front, over it was a comfy looking black hoodie.
Gerard noticed that Frank was watching him so he looked away
“Oh I saved you a seat,” Gerard gave the kid with the fro a shove “Toro, your ass goes on the floor, move it.”
“Whaaaat?!,” Fro boy whined then noticing Frank he stood and grinned “You must be Frank,” he held out his hand “I’m Ray.”
“Yeah, hi,” Frank noticed that he wasn’t awkward about something like shaking hands…
“Oh,” Ray gestured gallantly, “I saved you a seat.”
“I saved the seat, you were just sitting in it!” Gerard protested
Ray shrugged and Frank grinned, “Thanks”
“Yeah, siddown really.” Gerard mumbled into his coffee cup but Frank could tell he was smiling,
Frank sat down on the couch, sinking down a good 3 inches…
“Oh, I got you some coffee…” Gerard motioned to the mug on the coffee table in front of them, “I didn’t know how you liked it so I made it how I like mine-”
There was a groan out of the kid with the glasses “Gerard, my God, I love you, I do, but you need to work on your social skills. Really.”
Frank looked over at this skinny kid, He loved him what?
“Shut up Mikey,” Gerard said taking a sip of his coffee before he went on talking to Frank “Mikey’s my little brother, he thinks making coffee for someone is reserved for after you’ve had sex with them and know only what they like in bed,” he looked at Frank over the rim of his mug as if to say Hmmm what do you think about that?
Frank looked at the two brothers, seeing a bit of resemblance now, “Well it’s true,” Frank started slowly, “If you’re going to make me coffee then we should at least have sex first.”
At this Mikey threw his fist in the air triumphantly and high fived Ray with a grin, Gerard only shaking his head good naturedly. Smiling, Frank reached for his coffee, cautiously taking a small sip…it was hazelnutty, with more cream than sugar, good, gulpable even, if it wasn’t so damn hot. Frank wanted to lean over and whisper to Gerard You know exactly how I like it. and watch his reaction.
So far, so good.
“So…” Frank started, crossing his legs, both his hands wrapped around the coffee mug he had rested on his knee “Will you be speaking for us tonight, Gerard?”
Gerard smiled, not missing or disappreciating the humor, “Nah, I never read at these things…I just like to come and listen and hang out, Mikey comes along to laugh at everyone, there’s actually some good readers though, like…”
Gerard scanned the room looking over and around people…”Like him, near the stage with the dark hair…”
“The pretty one?” Frank asked, interested.
Gerard laughed, “Bryan Olson, I’d have to say yes, he’s an amazing poet and writer, plus he’s good at reading, some people can write but aren’t able to read worth shit.”
Frank nodded, as Gerard looked around the room again “And also Conner, at the table by the door, he’s fantastic.”
Frank noted the admiration in his voice, “Oh, have you made him coffee too?”
Gerard grinned “No, Bryan does that for him.”
Wait… Frank had known very few gay people in his life, those he had were either his Aunt’s live-in decorator, who he had only met a few times but heard talked about in hushed whispers often enough, or Jimmy. Now he was in the room with at least 3 certifiably gay guys?!? This was new.
Just then Mikey leaned in front of Frank to catch his brothers attention even though the space was tiny…
“Hey Gerard, when’s Quinn’s party? You said we’d go together, remember?”
Gerard shook his head “Mikey, there no way in hell I’m taking you to one of Quinn Allman’s parties,”
“What?!?” Mikey pushed his glasses up farther on his nose “You promised!! Remember?!”
“He only promised because he was drunk.” Ray broke in with a laugh, “Remember??”
Mikey’s eyes lit up and Frank tried to follow this, including Gerard not looking too pleased.
“Yes!” Mikey nearly squealed “At Ryan’s house! He was wearing that outfit?!?”
Both Ray and Mikey were fighting off fits of giggles at some hilarious memory they seemed to share…
“What outfit?” Frank asked curiously
“Mikey shut up, shut up Mikey!” Gerard glared at his brother with a warning in his voice and a hint of panic
Mikey only laughed to himself and continued “it was-”
“A pink skirt!” Ray finished for him, both of them breaking into laughter, random words thrown in that obviously went with the whole story “that bra…” “the toilet!”
“Gerard,” Frank paused trying not to giggle, “You didn’t tell me you were a princess by dawn!”
This caused more laughter from Mikey, and Ray who was gasping for breath…
“Wow you are just so funny, original fucking comedians,” Gerard intoned into his coffee, “Yeah you laugh, go ahead, I know where you live.”
“I want to go to the Party!” Frank enthused much to Mikey’s delight
“We should all go together!” he practically squealed, though it was kinda obvious that Mikey was the kind of person who only made fun of people who squealed, and that he wasn’t actually one of them.
“We should all NOT.” Gerard said firmly, which Mikey ignored as he once again leaned around Frank to talk to his older brother…
“Gerard I like this one. I do. He’s not like those literature geeks you usually hang out with, remember the last one?!?!?”
Ray immediately burst into life “I do! That was the fucking WORST, man!” Ray obviously felt passionately about this because he went from sitting on the floor to whipped around on his knees in about 3 seconds, wanting to be the one to tell this story.
“Makes me shudder,” Mikey intoned with a small shudder, “See?!”
“It was bad,” Ray started, “This guy, he quoted at you, I mean, like not only all the fucking time, but he quoted Ginsburg. How much Ginsburg can you quote without talking about sex all the time?!?”
“He liked other stuff,” Gerard defended meekly, mostly for his own sake before finishing off his coffee while Ray ignored him, Frank listening with rapt fascination
“Not that I have a problem with sex mind you, it’s Ginsburg I can’t stand. It used to be okay, but now I can’t even read it! So thank you!”
“Anytime, you know I got your back.” Gerard said with a strikingly straight face before he smiled, looking into his empty coffee cup again. Noticing this Frank handed him his own mug that was still half full, Gerard gave him a grateful smile before settling back with it.
“So how old are you, Frank?” Mikey asked when the laughing had died down
“How old are you?” Frank asked back without answering, old habit, useful when being hit on by cautious college kids, coming from them it’s a rather rude question, so it gives you time to lie.
“16.” Mikey said unphased and with a small grin
“Me too,” Frank smiled, “What about your fro here?”
“I am 19 years old,” Ray stated, “same age as Gerard, but Mikey is my addiction, so I act a lot younger. Sometimes.” Ray hugged onto Mikey’s knee’s, making him squirm and end up kicking him lightly in the stomach
“Oops,” Mikey giggled turning to Frank “he’s lying though, We’re only friends.”
Gerard grinned at his chance for retaliation “Oh! except for that one time!”
“Shut up Gerard!” Ray and Mikey said in unison
Mikey leaned over Frank and hissed “I know where you live, princess by dawn!”
Gerard gave Frank a ‘Thanks so much for that’ look as Frank tried to muffle his giggles, for the sake of Gerard’s pride, not that he was all that concerned.
Frank reached over and took back his coffee, conscious of the fact that his mouth was just where Gerard’s had been, and that Gerard was watching him. It made him want to lick the rim of the cup and giggle.
Just then the lights went down, signaling what must be the start of the poetry, Frank was disappointed, he was starting to have fun, he didn’t want to stop to have to listen to poetry! But part of him wondered now what it was Gerard saw in it…
The room fell mainly silent, except for the clinking of cups and the occasional laugh, the first person up was a gothic kid with thick black hair that fell in his face and a mysterious deep voice.
“That’s WiL,” Gerard leaned over to whisper “…never made him coffee either.” Frank stifled a laugh.
The poem was…interesting. It was about a girl, a queen, she died and bled on white tile. And while the last part was gory but not bad, Frank was confused. Who died again? And something about coming back to life? He wasn’t sure…
The next person to take the microphone was a girl with long dreadlocks and about 7 rings in her lower lip, making whatever she said a mumble. Frank only caught the last line of her poem and that was because she practically shouted it
“We will disintegrate, because!”
There was absolute silence in the room as the girl stepped off the stage….
“That was disturbing.” Frank stated, gaze unmoving from the front of the room as Mikey and Gerard both stifled laughter. Though as the next person, a thin, dark haired kid of maybe 18, stepped onto the stage and sat on the bar stool he felt Gerard calm in anticipation beside him…was this kid really that good?
Bryan Olsen pushed his hair away from his face a little and looked out around the dim room, waiting a moment to speak, he introduced himself and fell quiet again, waiting another moment before he spoke again, then only saying,
“This is dedicated to my boyfriend, Conner…”
His poem started slowly, Frank wished he could remember the opening lines but he was too shocked by the fact this boy had just announced he had a boyfriend and wasn’t on the floor in a headlock yet…
As Bryan spoke Frank had planned to glance at Gerard to see his face, wondering if he’d see open adoration on it, but Frank was too caught up in the words Bryan was saying…there was pain behind them…pain of aloneness, and fighting, of hopelessness, pain of abandonment and confusion, pain that Frank knew and knew too well.
The difference was Bryan had found a savior…Frank wasn’t so sure he needed one.
Frank stood from the couch, silently moving past Gerard and the people standing next to the couch for lack of seats, weaving his way through the college crowd he made his way to the door…
He didn’t need a savior, he needed some air.
♠ ♠ ♠
*This chapter is dedicated to Bryan Olson.* <3 With inspiration, and seriously the one gay guy I wish I knew.‘Downstairs’ was taken from the vegan Café in downtown Nashville called Fido’s, it’s vintage and cool and used to be a pet shop. I’m pretty much in love with it.