And She Made the Shape of My Heart With Her Hands

I opened my eyes and was met with the happy glow of the morning sunlight flowing into my hotel room from under the pale salmon shades. I blinked my stiff eyelids a few times, trying to rid of my previous slumber. Next I cleared my throat before swallowing a little. I desperately wanted to brush my teeth. That is, after I bid a good morning to Pat.

“Pat?” I called out quietly. “Hey, Pat?” Nobody answered my soft calls, so I turned my body over to face the direction I knew Pat was sleeping at. I was met with a white complementary pillow pressed up against my body instead of my boyfriend.

I scratched the side of my face here and there as I gazed around the room rather briefly. I soon noticed that the unoccupied bed next to mine was missing one of two pillows.

Oh, wait. I’m remembering something… Ding. Pat couldn’t stay the entire time because he needed to get back to his and Kennedy’s room before anyone noticed. And we both knew that everyone would be beyond suspicious if they figured out that Pat and I had shared a bed last night in a hotel room. Alone.

“Wow,” I mumbled to myself. “Could I be anymore disoriented in the morning?”

I lazily pulled up the bed’s covers to make it look somewhat decent, before I trudged my way to the small white-tiled bathroom with my bag in hand. When I made it in there and pulled the door shut behind myself, I brushed my teeth, washed my face and hands, threw on some clothes, quickly straightened my hair, clipped my bangs back, did my makeup, and lastly slipped on some comfortable flip-flops. And of course, somewhere within all that jazz, I peed. Wahoo.

I quickly cleaned up all my stuff from the bathroom, for everything else was packed up and ready to go, as was I. Opening the door and getting the heck out of here was my next vicious task. I crossed the small bathroom in one overly normal step and grasped the gold handle. I turned it right and started to push the door forward as I walked the same way. However, it wouldn’t budge, making me walk into the white door.

“What the hell,” I muttered. I tried it again. And again. And then finally the dumb door came open. This resulted in me stumbling into the bedroom. I knew I shouldn’t have leaned all my weight on the stupid thing.

“Stupid demon door.” I readjusted the strap of my duffle bag and looked up. I spotted Pat hanging upside-down from the bed, his soft, long, brown hair hanging and his hands steadily near him and his deep purple shirt. My eyes wandered further up the bed to see John O’Callaghan lounging on my bed with his ankles crossed and his hands rested on his white shirt.

I suddenly remembered that day a lot earlier in the summer and tour. It was one of the first days we stayed in a hotel. In fact, I don’t even think that The Maine had played their first show of the tour yet. Anyway, I remember coming out the bathroom, a lot smoother the first time than today, and seeing John and Pat sitting on my bed waiting for me. Then we walked out of the hotel room together.

It was a lot different then than now.

My feelings for Pat weren’t as strong. Same for John, too. Pat and I weren’t going out. We both had never been kissed. Neither of us had ever told the other ‘I love you’ then. John never said to me that he particularly liked me and the idea of him kissing me up against the van after a show would just sound down right ridiculous to me back then. Things were simpler. Things were different.

I suddenly snapped out of my memories and was brought back into reality. I painted on a smile. “Um, hi.”

“Hey,” Pat welcomed me with an upside-down smile.

“Have trouble with the door, Cara?” John spoke the words smoothly with a smirk as he said my name… differently. It wasn’t that this time was different. He always speaks it differently. It just sounds more diverse when John says my name. He speaks the two-syllable name slickly. It somehow reminds me of running melted chocolate.

I let out an awkward type of laugh. “Yeah. It wouldn’t open.”

“We could see that,” he replied with a grin, a grin that I could almost describe as malicious or wicked. It gave me chills. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“We need to get downstairs like now,” Pat spoke up, doing a sit-up to be right side up once again. He was up on his feet now and was facing the door. John and I took the hint as he rose from the bed as well and I took a couple steps towards the door.

“Hell, Garrett probably thinks we molested and raped you,” John mumbled.

“He would think that,” I acknowledged, walking out the opened door first. I felt someone slip my bag’s shoulder strap from my arm. I looked over and saw Pat sliding the blue strap up to his shoulder. I politely smiled to him as a thank you and he took my hand in his.

As we walked down the hallway, as we waited for the elevator, while we were in the elevator, and while we were walking across the lobby, I more than just noticed that John chose to look anywhere but Pat, myself, and our intertwined fingers and hands.

And I felt a sudden wave of guilt pass through me.

“Everyone’s got their stuff in the back, right?”

Everybody’s faces, not including John and Pat, had a sudden sheepish, nervous touch to it. It was obvious that just about everyone hadn’t put anything in the storage trailer yet.

“Uh… Yeah, be right back,” Garrett replied while quickly walking out of the hotel lobby, Kennedy, John, and Trevor rushing not far behind him out the doors.

“They’re so stupid,” Tim said bluntly. “The damn van’s not even unlocked.” He started slowly taking his sweet time strutting towards the big parking lot.

I giggled as Pat turned his head towards me. “I’ll go put this in there, too.”

I smiled graciously before and after muttering a thank you to Pat. In the corner of my eye, I could just see John intently watching Pat exit. I started getting nervous as it was only he and I left. Alone.

I really didn’t know what to say or ask John at the moment. However, I did know that I had to say something. Anything.

“How long did I keep you and Pat waiting?”

John’s gaze shifted over to my face, his eyes shiny yet blank. He pursed his lips slightly. “Fifteen minutes?” His mouth relaxed and he blinked a few times. “Not long, really.”

I sighed, as if I were relieved. It was rather fake, yet believable. “Okay, that’s good.”

“Yep,” John replied, his eyes nearly half shut. “So no need to worry.”

“Hmm.”

We both stood there in silence for another moment. The only thing that could be heard was the background noises, and they included slight, faint talking, bleeps and beeps of an assortment of gadgets, the overly friendly greetings of the front deskmen, and the constant echoes of people’s shoes, such as heels and flip-flops. I hated background noise. And you could tell by the way I kept messing with my fingers and shirt profusely. However, John seemed to take it all pretty well, in fact, one could even say that John O’Callaghan was somewhat amused.

I sighed, giving in to my pathetic self. “Listen, John,” I started as I made sure to keep my eyes anywhere but him. “I didn’t realize how awkward it would be for you when Pat and I were all holding hands and whatnot on the way down here. We didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable on purpose, of course.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

A look of incredulous disbelief spread upon my face. I could feel it burn my features as I looked up slowly at John. He could easily feel my bright, widened eyes attentively blazing into him.

A smile spread itself across his face, almost like spreading luscious pink frosting atop a freshly baked chocolate cupcake. His lovely eyes were playful on the surface. “Kidding,” he whispered to me, sending a rush of sheer goosebumps upon my bare skin like a wildfire spreading rapidly across everything it its path during a dry day in Yellowstone.

There was no doubt in my mind that John noticed, for his smile turned even more suave than before and his left eyebrow rose in satisfactory. I blinked. John swooped down to my lever a little more and he studied my face. I only blinked once again as I maintained steady eye contact with him.

“I wanna kiss you right now,” he spoke softly and quietly, his breath blowing across my face gently. At first, I wasn’t even completely sure if I had heard him correctly or if John even said anything at all.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. So I tried. Pathetically, I might add. “I-I…” I swallowed that annoying lump in my throat. It barely budged. “John…” I bit my lip, debating what to do. Should I play it off as a joke?

I turned my thoughts off and leaned myself up a little and gently and swiftly planted a simple little kiss on his lips. I sighed inwardly to myself.

A wicked smile appeared upon John’s face as he stood up straight once again. That grin and that certain glint his eyes didn’t go away. “Lovely,” he mumbled lowly.

“It was a mere peck,” I responded, crossing my arms around myself and dropping my head down.

“Well I’ll take what I can get. Even if it is a simple little kiss.” He blinked as he watched me. “Besides,” he added, “I didn’t really think that you’d do it.”

I shrugged somewhat slowly. “Neither did I.”