Isolated in the World of the Perfect

Gazing across the table at Sean and Bob I longed to be in a relationship like they had. One that was built on the foundations of trust and love, of understanding and commitment, unlike the one that I shared with Gavin a relationship that was cracking on the rocks. I hoped that one day we would end up like them, give it a few more weeks or so, they after all had only been together a month or two longer than we had. Surely it had been hard for them at first; we can’t be the only ones going through a sticky situation.
It feels like it though, a glance to my left and my eyes land upon Matt and his girlfriend; Alice. They’d been together for what felt like an age, not a single crack was on the surface of their solidity and none lay under the skin, we all knew that, they worked so well, just gelled together perfectly.

If only.

As for Snoz well after a brief split of a week and a half he decided that he couldn’t live without his girlfriend; Autumn and he’d whisked her away for a weekend in Paris. Oh the luxury.
Some people have all the luck.

It’s not that I don’t love Gavin, I really do. It’s the fact that he tends to not care about the consequences of his actions, he never seems to consider me before going ahead with anything. He just does it and then it all escalates into some argument that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.
I always end up with the blame.
I always end up being insulted.
I always believe he’s right.
Or at least until the next morning.
I might not admit it to him or show it to his face, but deep down it strikes a chord, I just wish he understood. Oh that’s one big word that Gavin Butler does not do.

Maybe I should take up his offers when he invites me along, but a lot of them time I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to be at some club until the early hours of the morning, I don’t want to be associated with some friends he has that come from difficult areas. I’m tired of trying to fit in with him like I did at first.
Yes at first everything seemed perfect, for Gavin it was, for me. I hated it. I can’t blunt the blow that’s how it was.

“Rhys you want to come to the pub with us for a couple of hours?” Oh how often I had heard that question and those words slip from his lips.
“I’m not feeling well. I’ve got a headache, you go. I’ll see you in the morning or when you get in, depends on the time.” With a peck on the lips I got up from the table, waving a quick goodbye to Sean, Bob, Matt and Alice.

I’m sick of making excuses.

I just want to be able to tell him the truth.

I want him to know how it feels.

I’m not sure I can do that to him.