Ever So Slightly

‘Bill, my man!’ exclaims Gabe as he throws open the door. ‘Bananni! Long time no dig - you coming to party tonight?’

‘Huh?’ I blink.

‘Aw shit yeah - I forgot to tell you,’ grins Will, slapping his head. ‘Pete’s booked out this club and there’s a load of his London suits going. He told me last night and - god I completely forgot!’ He shoots a look at me - the kind of look that accompanies an in-joke - and pulls a crooked sort of smile. ‘I must have had something else on my mind.’ He winks and I can feel myself blushing.

‘Ohh, I get it,’ smirks Gabe suggestively.

‘Shut up,’ retorts Will, hitting him lightly in the chest and walking into another room.

Gabe turns to me. ‘Uh, Bianca’s just in there, she knows you’re here,’ he gestures, pointing through a door, before following William.

I make my way into the living room, to see Bianca sitting on the sofa and flicking through a copy of the same women’s magazine that I had found in the kitchen this morning. Upon seeing me, she tosses onto the coffee table and scoots up, giving me room to sit.

‘Ugh,’ she snorts. ‘Pile of crap- I don’t know who comes up with this stuff - ‘my father had a secret affair with an elephant, I was born with two penises’. This rubbish gets sent round on almost every tour - they must have some deal with Decaydance or something.’

I sit down on the opposite end of the sofa.

‘So.’ She tosses her hair over her shoulder. ‘What’s new?’

I smile to myself and consider the honest answer, before giving a dismissive ‘Not much, you?’

She pauses and regards me. ‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Don’t believe what?’

‘That nothing’s happened.’

‘Why, what would have happened?’ I frown.

‘I don’t know,’ she says, raising her eyebrows. ‘Why don’t you tell me?’

Uh, I’m confused,’ I reply, not wanting to share the intimate details of the last 24 hours with a comparative stranger. She sighs, agitated.

‘Hannah. I know when something’s been going on. It’s not like I’m going to bawl you out about it - but you lying is just making me think you have something to hide.’

‘I’m not trying to hide anything, I just - I don’t even know you.’

She appears to accept my answer and lets herself fall back onto the cushions.

‘Okay. So you don’t want to discuss it,’ she offers, and I think that finally she may understand. ‘Then I’ll just ask you questions and you can answer. Yes or no. That’s not a discussion.’

Maybe not.

I exhale frustratedly.

Her expression hardens as she goes to speak. ‘Have you, or have you not, slept with Will?’

‘What?!’ I splutter.

‘You heard me.’

‘Wha- First of all, NO, and second - why would you even ask that? Do you like, like him or something?!’

She sighs agitatedly again. ‘It is possible, Hannah, to only be friends with a guy you know.’

She sounds exactly like me. Exactly like me as I’m bitching out my best friend for getting off with the guy I like at a party ‘because he was there’.

‘I’m aware of that,’ I growl. ‘I’m just curious as to why you’d care about that particular piece of information.’

‘Because he’s temperamental! He’s one of my best friends and he’s not ready for another fucked up relationship! Sleeping with someone after knowing them for less than a week isn’t just bad judgment Hannah, it’s being a slag, a whore. If you really cared about him, you’d let him fucking heal.’

‘You’re way out of order,’ I spit. ‘Why is it you’re only nice to me when you think there’s nothing between Will and I?’

She splutters indignantly, but I continue, ignoring her.

‘Who said I slept with him? Who says I’m a slag? Who said we’re even in a relationship? And if we were, who are you to say it would be ‘fucked up’? You’re so off base, it’s not even funny any more - I could fall for him all I wanted and we wouldn’t be anything more than what we are now, he’s not like that. It’s never going to be like that. Something’s holding him back and who the fuck am I to know what it is?’

I stand up, close to tears. ‘I’m so sick of this. You, and everyone else round here thinks that I’ve been like, idolising Will or something since I was twelve years old. Well I haven’t. I didn’t know him then - I didn’t know who he is. I’m not here because he’s William Beckett. The William Beckett. I’m here because he’s Will, and because he brought me here. And I can’t see why you don’t see that.’ My eyes are welling up, and even though I desperately don’t want to cry in front of Bianca, I find that I’ve forgotten I even have tricks to prevent it.

I spin around and dash out of the room, not even registering as I leave Gabe’s hotel suite, that I have nowhere to go - I don’t even have a key to the room I’m staying in.