Ever So Slightly

I found them hoovering in the lounge.

I walk in and squeeze Ellie’s neck from behind in a hug, squawking in her ear.

‘Oh my god!’ She gasps, taken by surprise. ‘Hannah! Oh my god, Claire, Hannah’s here! Whoo, you’re like, here. Yay.’ She grins happily.

‘Hannah!’ Exclaims Claire, flicking the hoover off with her foot. ‘Wow I like your dress…it’s so not fleshy.’

Fleshy is just this word that developed over time to become our way of saying tacky and cheap. It’s sort of an in joke, that we say pretty much all the time just to remind each other of how side-splittingly funny and ridiculously cool we all are.

Not.

‘Thanks,’ I say. ‘And I really like your top…thing. And Ellie, your scarf - I can’t find anything in leopard print these days…’

‘Oh I bought this aages ago,’ she laughs. ‘It’s soo old, and it smells of cat ‘cause my cat sleeps with his bum all wrapped up in it. See? Smell-’

‘That’s alright,’ I say hastily, smiling. I love our blatant obscurity.

‘We’re hoovering now,’ she says needlessly. ‘Cause we all had a peanut fight in here last night, so there’s peanuts everywhere now. See?’ She gestures to a few random peanuts. ‘Anyway,’ she continues. ‘You’re here now. Did you catch the bus okay and everything?’

I look at her amusedly. ‘Well obviously given that I’m here. Have you seen Will yet? He’s pretty hottt - but he looks quite old, you know? Like, Twenty-one or something.’

Ellie blanched. ‘What? Will’s not short for Willo is it?’

‘No,’ I reply, her panic igniting my interest. ‘It’s short for William. Who’s Willo?’

She blushes heavily. ‘Oh just this guy.-’

‘-That she slept with,’ puts in Claire, placing as much emphasis on the word ‘slept’ as humanly possible.

‘What?!’ I gasp.

‘In a field,’ adds Claire, excitedly, as though this is world breaking news.

Which it is.

‘WHAT?!’ I almost scream.

Ellie? Slept with a guy in a field?

‘Yeah Hannah, but you can’t tell anyone, okay? He keeps texting me to meet up and I don’t want to. He wasn’t gross or anything…but he wasn’t hot.’

Realization hit me. ‘This means…that I’m the only one in our group-thing who’s still a virgin!’

‘Oh my god…you’re right,’ gasped Ellie. ‘That’s so weird to think…whoa! Aw, our little Hannah-’

She hastily shuts up as Mark enters the room with Ash, Mike, William and Dan in tow.

‘The bar is now open,’ he announces. ‘Prices are up on the kitchen counter - you’ll have to tell me what you want.’

‘We have to pay for alcohol?’ I whisper to Ellie.

‘Oh yeah, he always does this. But usually we just pay a fiver and drink Vodka until we’re drunk. Are you getting pissed tonight?’

‘Yeah. I can’t be doing with cider though. The thought of that or beer makes me want to vomit. On your face.’

‘Eww Hannah. Should I get you some Vodka then? I can probably get Mark to give you half a bottle for £3.50.’

‘Sounds good,’ I say, and she disappears from the room. I sit down, removing my tights and throwing them in the bin by the side of the sofa. Shortly, Ellie reappears with a bottle of cider and a half of Vodka.

She sets the Vodka down next to me with a tumbler, and I pour out a glass.

‘Want to go outside?’ She asks. ‘We’re missing all the fun - the girls have turned up, and a couple more guys too. I think I’ve seen your William guy - he’s hot.’

‘Mmmm,’ I smile, taking a sip of Vodka and wincing slightly at the taste. ‘Okay.’

‘Come on then.’ She hooks her finger at me and beckons me through the door, hopping from one foot to the other like a crazed little gnome. ‘Bring your Vodka though, or else someone will steal it.’