Unendlichkeit

September 2005

Tom’s smile was intriguing. It always melted Bill’s heart, but it traveled down inside him much more than that.

Bill had always wanted twin telepathy, always wanted to know what his twin was thinking. But that power had gone away some ten years ago he’d say.

Bill stared down at his hands, the long slender fingers coated with dark nail polish. He wanted to get this done and over with, to just go home and sleep for once.

He could feel his heavy eyelids closing already, and sunk back into his chair so as not to be noticed. But it was hard not to notice him, especially during an interview.

He would have to thank Tom for really taking over answering the questions, Bill was just wasn’t in the mood to talk in general.

And he also didn’t like this sudden fame.

‘Durch Den Monsun’ was the number one song not in Germany, but it seemed in the whole of Europe.

It was hard for Bill to comprehend that, in fact he didn’t even think he was that good of a singer. The band owed everything to Tom and Gustav, he thought, because the beat they made was what made the song so catchy.

“…isn’t that right Bill?” the sound of his name being said but the interviewer brought him back into reality.

“Oh…uh…ja,” he let out a big yawn and a warm smile and then sunk back into his chair.

He was glad that this wasn’t a TV interview, his fans would think something was wrong with him.

Fans. They made him blush. He’d never expected so many girls to notice him and go up to him. Maybe that was just one plus of being famous.

He half-listened to the questions being asked. Most of the time interviewers asked much the same thing, and usually Bill had good answers, but today he just needed some sleep.

A fifteen year old, famous or not, should not have been subjected to sleeping in a dirty tour bus so far from home.

Bill didn’t have much self-confidence. He never had much friends, was never as popular as Tom had been in school.

Maybe things were changing for him now. But he wasn’t sure he wanted that to change.

After the interview was over they all piled in a limo that was going to take them to the airport.

--------

Tom shot at glance at his twin next to him, whose head kept bobbing up and down, dozing out of sleep.

“Sind Sie o.k.?” he asked Bill.

Bill’s eyes were bloodshot and huge purple rings stood out under his eyes despite all the makeup he had on.

“I’m so tired,” he yawned and put his head against Tom’s shoulder, almost instantly falling asleep.

It was kind of uncomfortable, but oh well, the ride to the airport was only going to be ten more minutes.

Tom took out his phone and texted some of his friends from back home in Magdeburg. He sighed, wishing to be back home. He knew a trip there would make Bill more comfortable with this instant stardom thing. But they were only going to Hamburg to do whatever their manager wanted them to do.

He always worried about Bill. Sometimes he wouldn’t talk and he’d just keep to himself, other times he was the happiest kid in the world. Sometimes Bill even said things that scared him, talked about death and what it would be like to die, even if it would hurt to kill yourself.

That’s when Tom had to be a big brother and sit him down and talk to him, try to get these suicidal thoughts from his mind.

Bill didn’t cut himself, thank God, but Tom was always afraid that he would find a razor or something. He didn’t want his twin hurting himself, he couldn’t bear seeing Bill in pain.

The thing was that Bill was depressed. He’d first noticed this in his twin when they were seven and their parents were divorced. Bill stuck with Tom and they lived with their mom, but Tom knew that the separation from their dad severely hurt Bill.

Music was what kept him going, which was why Tom had thought in the first place that stardom would be good for Bill, finally bring out that fun, happy kid he knew was inside.

But it only seemed to be making it worse. Bill couldn’t sleep, he barely ate and when he did he puked it up because it was just something mentally ingrained in his mind that he had to do.

Tom was the only one that knew about Bill’s bulimia. He knew if he told anyway-like his mom or Gordon-they would try and ‘help’ Bill but it would end up making him worse in the end.

He only wished he could fix Bill’s problems himself, but first Bill would have to want help. Things would be so much easier then.

Oh well, he would give it some time. Their fame was slowly growing, maybe it just needed to take a few months for it to kick in in Bill’s mind.

Tom could hope.

His twin’s head slowly inched down his shoulder, almost falling into his lap. But Tom steadied him but putting his arm around him. He smiled at how warm and soft Bill felt-Bill was almost like a girl.

Another thing that brought down his self-confidence-when everyone asked him if he was gay. Bill was just as much a guy as Tom was, he just preferred feminine things because they flattered his body and he looked good in them.

He rubbed Bill’s arm gently. Bill even started to drool on him and Tom didn’t budge. He just wanted Bill to have a good life, and he would give it to him if he could.