Unendlichkeit

Tom was so afraid.

Afraid of his feelings, afraid that Bill was puking and cutting again…

He wanted to let go of Bill, who was sleeping in his arms, but found it was quite impossible. See, Bill liked to cuddle. His arms were wrapped tightly around Tom and he didn’t want to disturb his brother’s sleep because he barely got any in the first place.

The sudden snoring made Tom feel better, it told him his brother was okay and still breathing.

He just got paranoid with that sometimes.

He gently rubbed his brother’s back as his head continued to pound in this constant headache. Did he love Bill, his own brother?

He let out a sigh and Bill snuggled closer, his face against Tom’s chest, a soft smile on his face.

Tom wondered what he was dreaming. Was it nice, was he in it?

He let out another shaky sigh, wanted so desperately to get some sleep so he wouldn’t fall asleep in class again, but he was just too worried, too nervous…

“I’ve never thought about you like this before,” Tom said quietly, almost a whisper.

Something about talking to a sleeping body was comforting. In reality Tom was afraid to talk to Bill about this stuff.

“Have you thought about me before?” there was no response, of course there wasn’t.

He ran his hands through the thick hair and Bill started to snore against his chest. Tom smiled.

“I do love you…you’re my brother, my twin. We have bonds that other siblings don’t have, you know? But I never thought like that…” his voice trailed off.

Bill was cold, he wrapped the covers around the two of them. He didn’t want his brother to get sick again.

Maybe this was right. Tom shivered. Hell, Bill was his brother, his flesh and blood. Maybe that was why there was this uncontrollable force bringing them together. It had always been there, he just never noticed it…

And Bill was so different. He wasn’t like the girls, wanting Tom because he was hot and famous. Bill was in the same boat as him, they were more alike that Tom thought.

“If I said I loved you what would you say?” Tom muttered. “It’s not right, I know it’s not. But can we try it?”

Bill groaned in his sleep and Tom laughed slightly. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He brought his lips gently upon Bill’s, kissing him softly. There wasn’t a response, he’d thought maybe Bill would have woken up at his kiss. But he was glad he didn’t, Bill needed some sleep for once.

Tom wrapped his arms around Bill’s frail stick of a body.

He wanted some sleep, so he closed his eyes, snuggled up against his twin as well, and then a sudden thought crossed his mind.

Bill wouldn’t leave Ina. He loved her…no matter what…

Sudden tears flooded Tom’s eyes and he quietly cried himself to sleep, his mind a train wreck.