The Memory of Your Face

“Adele turn this fuckin shite off.”
“Alright calm down friggin hell and p.s. its not shite it’s awesome.”
“It’s the worst song I have ever heard and I don’t know why you insist on listening to it.”
I sighed and glanced down at Adele, her fingers twisting the ring on her left hand as she drove down the street her lips moving to the words of the Status Quo song that was currently making want to hurl out of the window. I was in a bad mood anyway a deep contrast to Adele who was currently on cloud nine as her and Tre had become as she put it, “not engaged, just ringed.” So engaged then yeah. Billie said the word ringed sounded like a new sexual activity. Tre and Adele both need a kick up the arse quite frankly.
We were currently driving from the doctors, my intuition and Clearblue test turned out correct. I was pregnant. Fucking pregnant, I was terrified, me a mother? Was this a big joke? I had to tell Billie now and that was what was making me nervous, I didn’t know how he would take it at all, I wasn’t even sure if he wanted another kid and I had no fucking clue how Joe or Jake would react to having a half brother or sister around. Adele said she wasn’t surprised, she said the amount of action that happens in the Armstrong bed would have predicted a whole litter of Armstrong/Kenyon’s by now.
She can talk, ‘oh no we are not engaged, just ringed’. The twat.
Still she did come to the doctors with me, which was very nice of her since she had to fly back to London this week, she had just bought a small place downtown to be another Paint it Black in the Bay area. She was going back to London to collect the rest of her things before moving out here. Now Dave was free and easy in London, managing a successful club and having tons of women falling at his feet. I wondered how he would take being an uncle? I wondered how G and P would take being grandparents?

Pulling into the drive made my stomach lurch; I placed my hand across it. There was a living thing in here, a living thing belonging to Billie and myself. A sudden jolt of panic hit me as Adele scooted around to open the door for me.
“Adele I’m not and invalid.” I sighed as she fussed over me.
“Yeah but your pregnant so you have to take it easy”
I sighed, “I’m fucking 9 weeks I’m not a whale yet”
Adele chuckled, “Oh shut up, at least be grateful you can see your feet now coz you soon won’t.”
I sighed as we both entered the house waving at Phil. His wife had just had a baby girl and he seemed fine with it. Maybe I should ring Adi and ask how Billie took it when she told him about Joe and Jake. I imagined him having a hissy fit and running up the stairs like a girl. Eventually, sitting down at the coffee table with cups of tea we discussed how I should tell Billie.
“Just tell him.”
“When?”
“Tonight obviously” Adele rolled her eyes.
“Oh yeah over dinner, Billie pass the salt oh and by the way I’m pregnant.”
Adele sighed, “Fine, well you’re getting ratty and that is a true sign of being pregnant.”
“You’re getting on my nerves” I hissed.
Adele grumbled something under her breath and I chose to ignore it, I was snappy because I was nervous, Billie should be home anytime now. He had been at the studio today and Adi had taken her sons to see her mom.
“When’s Adi back with Joe-cake?” Adele smiled at the pet name she had so proudly invented for my step-sons.
“I dunno, she said they were staying for dinner.”
“Hows things with you and her?”
I sipped at my tea, “Good, better ever since she smacked me in the face”
“I still can’t believe that happened you know” Adele shook her head, “I knew she was a bit crazy but I didn’t realize how much”
“She was just upset and it was meant for Billie not for me.” I sighed, Adi had been nothing but nice to me since then, she even made the effort to come visit my swollen face with some flowers…when Billie wasn’t in of course. They still didn’t speak and when they did it was always forced and sarcastic, they both had faces like they were chewing lemons filled with bees.

We heard Tre before we saw him, we always did.
“YO PHIL MA MAN HOWS THE CRABS?” Followed his cackling laugh through the corridors he then burst through the kitchen.
“Yo guys” he smiled winking at me and giving Adele a kiss on the cheek, she blushed furiously; she was still embarrassed about it in front of me.
“Whatcha talking about?” He smirked as we fell deadly silent upon his entrance.
“Nothing…where’s Billie?” I asked over my empty cup of tea taking in Tre’s t-shirt and checked shorts.
“He’s speakin to Phil.” Tre sighed grabbing a beer from the fridge and taking a gulp before passing one to Adele.
“Want one Erin?” he asked me smirking. I looked at Adele, panic striking my eyes.
“Er no thanks Tre” I cringed sliding my empty cup across the table.
“What? Erin Kenyon doesn’t want a beer? What’s wrong?” He frowned placing the beer intended for me back into the fridge.
I didn’t reply, I sat twiddling my fingers and staring at the table.
“What? Did I miss something?” Tre asked sitting down in front of me next to Adele. I could here her mouthe words to him through the silence.
“Wait…Erin, ERIN!” I looked up at Tre, his mouth hanging open, “Are you preg..?”
“HELLO MOTHERFUCKERS!” Billie burst through the kitchen and we all looked up to see him enter the room, grin spread on his face with hair so scruffy he looked like an abandoned poodle.
“What’s up?” he asked heading for the fridge and grabbing himself a beer. I turned to Tre whose mouth still hung open, his eyes like that of a fish being squeezed.
Billie plonked himself down next to me and put a wet kiss on my cheek. I didn’t even flinch, I could feel Billie looking at me oddly, it was true I would momentarily melt into his arms whenever he would touch me, but not today, I was too nervous I didn’t even register properly that his soft skin had just met my own.
“Erin? You okay?” Billie asked, his voice croaking in his throat.
I looked up at Adele who glanced away from my gaze, she turned to Tre who did the same.
“What’s going on?” Billie asked.
I didn’t dare look into his eyes, I didn’t know why I was being like this. Whenever I willed myself to open my mouth the words choked in my throat and I couldn’t do it.
“Tre come on, lets go and order some food or something in the other room.” Adele sighed standing up.
“Are you kidding..? Oh… right… okay lets” Tre eventually caught on as Adele pulled him from the room by his index finger.
I watched the door shut before forcing myself to turn to those spectacular green eyes of his.
“Erin?” He asked his hand folding over mine so delicately on the table. The rush of warmth from his hand spread up my arm and finally, finally I turned to him. His brow furrowed in confusion and I stared into his eyes, they still made shivers run through my veins, they still sent invisible orchestras bellowing through my eardrums. They still made me melt.
He moved his jaw to speak but I jumped in, my voice croaking and wheezing,
“I…I have something to tell you.”
“What? Are you okay?” He asked leaning forwards, his hand tightening against mine.
I nodded slowly his eyes showing clouds of confusion.
“What is it?” he asked again, “You can tell me anything you know that”
I nodded again, he wasn’t letting me get a word in edgeways now he was panicking.
“If it is someone or something that someone said or did or you know, if someone did something to you…”
“You did” I sighed.
He jolted upright, his floppy fringe bouncing at my words.
“What did I do?” He squeaked back.
I withheld a grin as he started stuttering, “I didn’t give you food poisoning from that cake I made you did I because Mike said that six eggs was too much?”
“SIX EGGS? What? Well I haven’t eaten any yet Thank god and that’s going straight in the bin I wondered why Joe’s puppy was throwing up everywhere.” I spat through small laughs.
“You tried it on the dog first? Oh thanks…” Billie huffed.
“Well It’s a bloody good job I did or I WOULD be dead.” I laughed quietly.
We both stayed silent for a few moments, both thinking deeply about what the other’s thoughts were.
“Well what is it? I f I didn’t give you food poisoning then what did I do to you?” Billie asked in an almost whisper.
“You…you…” The words got stuck again, I desperately tried to force a laugh, make a sexual innuendo, joke about it all but I couldn’t.
“I what?” He asked moving closer to me.
“You made me pregnant, I’m going…we’re going to have a baby.” I whispered back, looking down at the floor for a second then looked up.
Billie’s face was blank, he stared at nothing and everything behind me. Oh God this was the worst reaction I could ever imagine. As I stared at him a huge grin strung itself up on his face and his eyes shone so bright I couldn’t look into them.
“Your pregnant?” He asked again as I nodded.
He started laughing quietly, before it became louder and louder, almost manic and I started laughing as his arms found their way around my body and he picked me up, us up, his baby and I and swung me around the kitchen before bringing me in for a strong and passionate kiss. I felt him grinning against my mouth and he clutched onto my face smiling. An overwhelming pride and joy swept through me as we both clutched each other laughing, thank God he is excited.
“You’re not joking right?” He chuckled
“What? No!?” I yelled as he teased me I.
“Just checking.” He chuckled kissing both my cheeks and my nose before sprinting out of the room yelling,
“TRE! TRE GUESS WHAT? ERIN’S PREGNANT! WERE HAVING A BABY…”
I listened closely laughing to myself in the kitchen as I heard Billie’s voice yell again,
“NO RETARD OF COURSE WE ARE NOT CALLING IT BLANKET YOU TWAT WHO AM I? MICHAEL JACKSON? WERE CALLING IT GEORGE”
I felt my body freeze at the name I’d just heard, before stomping out of the kitchen yelling after him,
“ARE WE FUCK CALLING HIM OR HERGEORGE!” I yelled as Adele and Tre wet themselves with laughter on the couch.

“Its so perfect” Billie whispered finally removing himself from against my stomach. We were lying in the back garden on a rug. The sky was a midnight blue; Joe and Jake were safely in bed as Joe’s puppy ran across the grass. Joe didn’t seem to bothered that he was getting another little sibling to fight with, but Jake did seem rather happy. I was terrified encase they kicked off and never spoke to me or Billie again but their reaction was perfect. Everything was perfect. Billie was right.
“Do you think we are lying on dog piss?” Billie asked as he shifted back up the rug glancing at Joe’s dog.
“Thanks for slaughtering the mood” I sighed pretending to be annoyed. Billie chuckled, wrapping a piece of loose hair around my ear and letting his fingers stroke my face.
His eyes shone almost black in the starlight, it was so magical how the garden had changed in the night.
“You look beautiful” he sighed bringing my hands up to his face and kissing them.
“So do you” I sighed, every inch of me wanting him so badly it hurt.
Slowly and softly he brought his lips down onto my own, kissing me hard as our breathing echoed in the night.
“We’re having a baby” he giggled into my neck unable to control his excitement as I chuckled too.
“I know” Billie swallowed as he looked back into my eyes.
“I love you, I really do.” He smiled kissing my head.
“I love you too” I said glancing up at the stars as he fitted out bodies together under the sky. After it all, after everything we had been through I was so relieved that we were here right now and I wondered what I had done to deserve this overwhelming sense of happiness. I couldn’t wait for the future.