The Memory of Your Face

I dashed from the bus, trying desperately to hold back tears, I ignored Tre, Mike and Jason shouting after me, I pushed past a guy trying to get onto the bus and sniffed hard. Emotionally drained from talking with him and now, to top it off I had to go and visit the tent with Brian the weirdo again. He was more distant with me after last night, speaking to me only when he needed to. I was relieved to find that he had to stay and deal with a couple of other tents that had been set on fire last night, so I got lucky and was able to head back to the VIP section, grab myself lots of drinks and go and catch some bands.
I felt excited standing at the side of the stage, the vibrations of the amps were looping under my feet I could feel the bass line beating against my chest, I hadn't listened to a live band on side stage in years and whether I was by myself or not It took my mind off of Armstrong and I was thoroughly enjoying it. That was until I felt a hand come down on my shoulder.
"Hey."
"Hi." I smiled back.
"These guys are good, drummer needs more confidence though."
"Why don't you provide him some, I'm sure you have lots to spare." I chuckled as the singer announced that this was the bands last song.
"I wouldn't be Tre Cool without my confidence and general hotness that attracts all the ladies." He winked moving his hand from the top of my arm.
"You haven't changed I see." I smiled at him as he shifted next to me clutching his drink.
"Neither have you, still as cynical as ever." He raised his eyebrow and swallowed.
"Who's Brian?" Tre asked smirking at the name. I sighed and rolled my eyes diverting my view to the band that had begun to walk offstage to the cheers of the crowd.
"Erin... come on, let's go sit by the bar, I'll get you a double Jack D and coke."
I smiled at him, "You remembered my drink?"
"It's not hard to forget, remember when we were hangin' in Billie's backyard drinking all afternoon?" I chuckled at the memory of us all drunk and talking about sex graphically.
"How could I forget?" I laughed following him off the stage and to the area outside the bar. We sat down in the corner and a few girls came over to get Tre's autograph.
"Sorry about that." Tre sighed a huge grin on his face from signing the various parts of the women's anatomies.
"Its okay you pervert" I chuckled as he sipped at his drink, laughter lines visible around his blue eyes.
"I take it that your talk with Billie didn't go to well?" he asked itching his chin.
"Well what do you expect we haven't seen each other for two years."
"Yeah you were bound to get all het up and angry." Tre sighed, "So, who's Brian?" he asked eyebrow arched and lip curling slowly into a grin.
"Brian is the guy working with me for Mean Fiddler on the Paint it Black Tent." I sighed rolling my eyes at being too exhausted to stretch the truth.
"Billie seems to think that he's your new guy."
I sighed, feeling a bit guilty, "I said it in a tone that would have suggested that."
"Like what?" Tre asked chuckling into his drink.
"Like, who's Brian? He's a friend."
Tre made a rushing noise in the back of his throat, "Harsh."
I frowned at him, "Oh no because he has never made me believe anything."
"Hey, Erin come on, you ran away from him this morning... " Tre smiled holding back a chuckle.
I smirked at his amusement, "Tre I panicked," I chuckled as he started to laugh too.
"You know what?" He began taking another swig from his drink, "I'm going to tell ya something that he didn't want you to know."
I looked up at Tre, silent in my curiosity.
He looked around as if there were people listening in all corners, "He has never been the same since you left, he was fuckin' worse than when he met you. He still keeps a photograph of you with him and when he found out that you were in Leeds, well, you probably worked out that we drove down here in the night." Tre shrugged draining his drink.
"Tre I have never stopped thinking about him, but what happened..."
"Look Erin, I'm not full of words of wisdom like Mike and Billie but I have a piece of advice to offer you. It's been two years, if you keep clutching on to what happened, you are not going to get anywhere and the both of you will be fuckin' miserable for the rest of your lives. Just...well, try and let it go."
I sat there listening to him, he was right, Tre Cool, the five year old trapped in a man's body has just said the most productive thing I've ever heard. He grabbed my hand as he watched me think, "Go see him Erin, he's on the tour bus drinking whisky by himself. Go help him finish the bottle at least."
He winked at me and I felt myself rise to my feet and hugging the drummer tightly,
"Tre, you are the most brilliant guy ever."
"I know darling, I know."
I laughed and walked away from him, my place only to be filled by a group of girls that I assumed where waiting for me to leave before they pounced on the very content looking drummer.

I arrived at the tour bus and pushed the handle down on the door, it opened and the familiar male body odor smell floated through the air. The bus was empty and I called out Billie's name as I wandered down the aisle between the leather chairs. I trotted down the stairs to the small coffee area, my stomach tossing at the lack of preparation of what to say running through my mind. I saw him, sitting with his back to me at the coffee table, head in his hands. I knocked on the wall next to the stairs softly, "Billie," I whispered. He whipped around suddenly sending the chair flying on the floor.
"Erin..." he mumbled picking up the chair, his eyes wide and shining.
"What...what are you doing here?" he asked frowning slightly.
"I've..." I inhaled, I decided that I would pause my brain for a while and let my heart speak instead.
"I've come to apologize for the way I spoke and acted towards you this afternoon."
He ran a hand through his hair, "Erin you don't I was just as..."
"No Billie I'm sorry, for putting a wall up and not listening to you."
He smiled slowly, his eyes glossing over, "Erin, it's my fault, I was such a prick, and I messed everything up you had every right to..."
I shook my head, taking a step closer to him. "No I didn't, I put you through so much, and you already had a divorce on your hands and your sons to worry about and..." I drifted shaking my head.
"Erin, I tortured myself, I guess I was a fool for thinking you were thinking of me." He sighed folding his arms, shifting uncomfortably at what he'd just told me.
"I was...everyday, Billie I...I missed you, I'm so sorry..."
"I missed you too." He exhaled, dropping his arms to his sides.
"I suppose, well, the hardest part of moving forward is not looking back." I sighed.
"You... you want to move forward?" he asked, his eyes bulging slightly
"Only if you want to... " I smiled shyly at him.
"Erin I... it's the only thing I want to do. I want to make it up to you, every day, every hour I'll look after you, I, I want to say that I love you, with all my heart...but, well, it's not enough, I can't find words."
He smiled crookedly as I grinned back, "Billie..."
"That's the cheesiest thing ever I know." He grinned wider making my heart melt.
"No" I shook my head, "I was going to say that no one has ever said anything as beautiful as that to me before, no one has ever made me feel like you do." I felt myself going red, my heart pumping quickly at the slushy-ness of it all.
"Erin." He smiled softly at me, "I'm so truly sorry for hurting you and I promise I never will again, I love you, I've loved you since I met you."
His eyes blared against mine as the words croaked in his throat, I've never been so sure, that his words were 100 per cent true and it scared me, maybe he had changed.

The look in his eyes made me liquefy, my breath hitched and I approached him, walking so slowly, determined that I would control myself, to control my legs to stop them sprinting at him with all my might. He didn't move, his eyes followed me, swooping up and down my body. He looked confused, he seemed to contemplate moving as he shifted in his feet, but, staying where he was I found myself stopping so very close to him. I could smell the leather from his jacket as my arm stretched out towards his face. He flinched, as if he was expecting a slap. But I slowly cupped his unshaven cheek and he softened into my palm as I glided my thumb under his chin. His hand enveloped mine on his face, his eyes closing at the familiarity of our touch, at the feeling of each others skin, he sighed deeply before looking back at me.
"Erin..." he whispered leaning forwards in search of a kiss but I leaned away, determined to show that I wasn't giving in to him now. I was in control. My other hand reached for the other side of his face and I held his jaw line in my palms, staring directly at his unkempt beautiful features. The grey shadows around his eyes and the bristles on his face were a change, they made me more excited, and it was getting so hard to hold back from diving on him.
My hands slid down and slowly pushed his jacket from his body, resting my hands on the small of his back I moved my face so close to his. I could feel his breath; feel the warmth from his skin hear the sharp gasps coming from his mouth as the atmosphere became more passionate between us. I took his hands into my own and moved them around my neck. The warmth from his arms shooting through my very spine and making me overwrought and shattered at the same time, his hands moved upwards tenderly caressing my neck, my hands wandered to the back of his head and I twirled my fingers through his raven hair. His hands moved to cup my face as we leaned in, our lips met and the fire that had once been extinguished to a near none existent flame suddenly burst back to life. As his tongue met my own I realized how much I needed him, it seemed more perfect than ever before. The fire that had started between us felt like a bonfire around my body as he clutched me close, our hands wandered across each other. My fingertips prickling at the familiar tones and curves with the precious texture of his skin. My breath hitched in my throat at the feeling of his gentle hands underneath my clothes. Stumbling backwards, the lust in my brain intensified and I didn't care about anything else except being with him, being encased in his arms, being so close to his body, under his skin felt like home.
As we landed on the coffee table behind us, desperately rushing to remove our clothes quickly so we could be joined once more I suddenly realized something. I had been sober for two whole years but now I was back, intoxicated by my drug and thoroughly enjoying being addicted to Billie Joe Armstrong, even if it killed me.