You Trained These Lips When They Were Champs

WAY too much has happened today, I think, running back with my head down and tears burning my eyes.

That stupid prick made me CRY. AAAAAGGGHHHH. I am about to blow my fucking TOP.

First, Jeff asks me to be his girlfriend. Which, if I may, is a fantasy come true. To say the least.

Then Alec has to go and KISS ME??!? I stop and sit up against a brick wall, and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I sniffle a couple of times, and slump down and brace my hands at my sides on the concrete.I glance back over at the park- I know I shouldn't, but... I don't know- and Alec is looking back at me with a mixture of anger (at himself), grief (for making me cry) and confusion (for obvious reasons) on his face. Part of me (the incredibly stupid and irrational part) wants to go back there, apologize, and confort him... but I suppress that. I tell myself firmly that he has to be the one who apologizes, and deal with the fact that I'm with Jeff.

Jeff.

I should tell him, shouldn't I? NO. That'd cause trouble, and I don't want that for him right in the middle of a tour. Or ever, for that matter. There's already enough going on with us all. There doesn't need to be a knock down-drag out upon everything else.

But I am telling Chloe.

I get up, pull a compact mirror out of my dress, and do what I can so it looks like I didn't cry. Then I go back to the club and flash the guards my backstage pass, and tell Chloe I need to talk to her NOW. The guys all look at us with curiosity, but I just shake my head and say, "Not now, I REALLY have to talk to Chloe, about something serious."

We get out in the hallway, and Chloe asks me where I ran off to.

"I had to go talk to Alec, because... well, did you notice how during Quarantine My Heart he was singing to me?" She nods slowly.

"Yeah. Uh.. why exactly were you worrying about it?"

"Well, I went to go ask him why he was... well, yeah, and he..." I trail off and sob as quietly as I can so the guys inside don't hear me. "I don't know why this should affect me so much, I mean, I think it's just the strain of everything all happening at once."

"What did he do?" She asks, sounding defensive.

"He kissed me, like right out of nowhere! I mean, I didn't even realize what was happening for a sec, and then I pushed him off me and told him that me and Jeff were going together now, then I left, so it should be over. But I can't stop thinking about it!"

"It was the right thing to do for you to push him away, 'cause I don't think Jeff'd be too keen on the whole matter if you'd kissed Alec back."

"No shit, eh?"

"So, are you going to tell him?"

"NO FREAKIN' WAY. Not a chance! I don't want the frontman of a high-ranking band that's on tour to get in a fight with the guitarist of another high-ranking band that's on the same tour- not to mention my boyfriend- all because of me."

She sighs. "Suit yourself. If you don't wanna tell him, you don't have to, but if you don't you'll be living with that unspoken stuff and when you get older, you're gonna wish you'd told him."

She's smarter than she looks. (No, I'm just kidding, she's really smart.)

"You have a point," I say, assuming my thinkin' stance. (One hand on my hip, knee bent slightly, and looking up. Can you tell I do it all the time?) "But I'll think about telling him," I add, pointing at her.

She stretches her arms out for a hug and I give her one, and we go back in the green room.