You Trained These Lips When They Were Champs

I call Tom's cell and put my phone on speaker, and Jeff picks up and shouts, "Hey hey pretty lady!"

I'm glad we're not on webcam right now, because I'm really... insanely... blushing.

"Hey, save it for the webcam. I have a friend who's like, dying to meet you. Mostly Dave."

"Oooh, is that Jeff?!" Chloe shouts. "Jeff, have you ever considered wearing-"

"Bubble wrap? As a matter of fact, May-ann mentioned it earlier. May-ann, is this the 'friend Chloe' you told us about?"

Shaant: "Yeah, and is she hot? I told you, a hot friend equals-"

Tom: "Oh, shut UP, Shaant."

"Boys, am I really that important that you have to fight about me?" Chloe interjects. "And is Dave single?"

"As a matter of fact, Chloe... Yes, I am." She starts silently rejoicing in my living room. Like, can you say, Victory Dance? Yeah, I might have mentioned that she really likes Dave. No? Well, she does.

"Yo, Chloe, get your ass over here and watch these guys do stupid things on the webcam."

"Webcam?! I LOVE YOU!!" She jumps into my lap and gives me this ginormous hug. "Dave, you're amazing, did you know that?"

"Really? Thanks. You're cute." She looks totally ecstatic. Like, if OHMYGODILOVEYOU were a facial expression, that's what she looks like.

"Hey, Dave, give Chloe your number and you guys take it in the other room. I'm sure you'll get along."

Chloe wrestles her cell from out of her friggin' tight jeans, and dials his number as he's firing it off on the other end of my phone. On the webcam, he grabs his cell phone and opens it, and Chloe says, "Chloe's masturbation station, how may I please you?"

The guys CRACK UP. They could hear her through my speakerphone.

"Chloe darling dear. Leave the room. I love you." She obligingly exits my living room, and I think she's gone off to either my bedroom or the spare room.

"So hey, let's all hang up and I'll call you from my phone, howsabout?" Jeff requests.

Tom: "Uhh, hell no?"

Shaant pokes Tom and says, "He's the only one who hasn't really talked to her yet besides Dave, and Dave seems more interested in talking to Chloe."

"Fiiine." Tom takes me off speakerphone and holds the phone up to his ear. "Hey, May-ann, I'll talk to you later, maybe on Cute Is What We Chat For."

"Laters then. Talk atcha."

"Bye." We hang up.