Momma, I Just Killed a Man

I woke up to a silent hotel. I'd been here almost two weeks now and it was never silent. I went into the kitchen and noticed a note on the refrigerator.
“Kid when out robbing a bank
Make yourself at home
Don’t trash the place and don’t hurt yourself
Joker”
I smiled at the second to last line.

Suddenly a flashback came over me;
I was walking up the stairs and tripped, letting out a girlish squeak I landed on my face and started rolling down the steps, blacking out halfway down.
I woke up in my bed aching everywhere.

“What the fuck happened?" I asked myself. I jumped when I heard a reply.

“You fell down the steps, are you ok?” Joker asked trying to hide the humour in his voice.

“Peachy, I seem to always be falling up steps, I guess down's a change of pace.”

He openly laughed at my reply.
“You’re bruised and concussed and you seem to ...a... squeak when you fall.” he was giggling when he said 'squeak'.

“I’m glad you found humour in me tripping and hurting myself!” I snapped, starting to get angry.

“Yep ... I'll get someone to bring you dinner. Doc ordered you're not to leave bed 'til tomorrow.”

As I came back to reality, I started cleaning the kitchen, something I was always too busy to do. Although after an hour it was all sparkling.

[JOKER'S POV]
I walked into the hideout, I had left Kid here this morning. I smelt baking so I walked into the kitchen to see it covered in flour.

“Had an accident did you?” I asked looking at the mess.

“I um dropped the flour bag” she replied blushing.

“I see that….. Are you wearing an apron?” I asked noticing the colourful apron.

“Yea I didn’t want to get batter on my clothes,” she said sheepishly.

“Ahh so what are you making?” I questioned, feeling slightly hungry.

“Cookies, cake and three types of muffins.” I raised my eyebrows at her, “I got a little bored” she mumbled.

“Right, so you baked?” I said holding my laughter in.

“Yep I tend to when I'm bored.”

A thug came and went to take a cookie off the plate she had cooling on the counter.
“What the fuck do you fucking think your doing? Did I fucking say to take one? Put it fucking back or I will cut your fucking balls off and feed them to you!”

He just looked at me, I shrugged and he took a bite from the cookie. She sighed and shrugged before grabbing a gun out of her waistband and shooting him in the leg. I heard a snap so I know he won’t be walking anytime in the near future. She grabbed a kitchen knife and started cutting open his pants I took the opportunity to walk out quickly not wanting to witness what she was doing to him. I heard screaming and pleading and kept walking out the door into my playroom, the weapon workshop.
I closed the door and winced, hearing his screams. I may be a psychotic murderer, but I was still a man and no man wants to witness what she was doing to him. I started messing with explosives trying to drown out the noise.

[KID'S POV]
I shot him in the leg and went to get a knife. I noticed Joker walk out and laughed to myself. I cut open his pants and took the knife to his balls. I put them on the floor beside me and started trying to force feed them to him. He struggled

“You want me to cut your dick off to I can put them in the blender if you like tip them all over you god damn face” I snarled at him. He kept struggling and screaming, I got up putting both of them into the blender and putting it on high. A few minutes later they had become a smoothie. I took it and tipped it all over his face then I got up and when to the door of the TV room.

“Hey, someone come takes this motherfucker out of my god damn kitchen. Oh and there's cake, cookies and muffins on the counter if you want some,” they gave me strange looks. Once they had moved him, I washed up and when to the play room to see if The Joker wanted anything.

“Joke' you want anything?” I asked.

“I ah… I don’t think I'll have much of an appetite today,” he replied, looking a bit sick.

“Ok I'll be cleaning if you want me,” I said happily.

“Ok, Kid and did you have to do that in the kitchen?” he asked.

“He didn’t get far enough to do it in the living room.” I said completely serious “…that sounded dodgy” I realised

“A bit” he responded.

I went back into the kitchen and cleaned up the mess I had made from my baking a random clown came in.
“Unless you want something get the fuck out of my kitchen!” I snarled.

“Umm I wanted to ask if you want help cleaning,” he said meekly

“Yes clean and come get me when its done.”
He started cleaning and I went and sat down in the living room I switched the television from the news to Cartoon Network, the clowns grumbled but didn’t argue. Invader Zim came and The Joker came in.

“Kid, do you want to play cards?” he asked curious.

“Oh hell yeah! I haven’t played in weeks what game we playing?” I replied exited