Brian Haner Jr

"So when can I buy one of the backpack baby carriers?" Brian asked. He sat on one of the stools and leaned his forearms on the counter that divided the kitchen from the family room.

Nicole stood at the stove stirring spaghetti sauce. She inhaled the spicy-sweet fragrance. In another hour or so, it would be finished. They would have some tonight and she would freeze the rest for Brian to heat up. If he'd thought he'd eaten on the run before, he was in for a shock. There was nothing like having a baby around to interfere with regularly scheduled meals.

"She has to be able to hold up her head," Nicole told him. "You can get the front kind of baby pack fairly soon. They protect the infant's neck more."

"Right." He made a note on the pad of paper in front of him.

"How's the list coming?" she asked.

"Not bad. I can't believe I have to go to that baby store again. I didn't think there were anything we hadn't bought."

Nicole laughed. "Babies are like that. But you're getting the hang of it."

He looked at the baby monitor, then his watch. "I'm starting to. I figure we've got another half hour before we hear the first stirrings from Skylar. Atleast she's sleeping a bunch. I like that. Now if only she'd stop leaving that junk in her diaper."

"You'll get used to it."

"Maybe. The thing is, I don't want to."

Brian's grin was boyish and contagious. Nicole had to turn her attention back to her sauce before she said or did somethings stupid. She'd been in Brian's house barely twenty-four hours and already the man was getting to her. Knowing why didn't make him easier to resist.

It was just situational, she thought. Being around a man bonding with a baby was fairly irresistible. Then there was the additional problem of her life. She'd spent most of it living like a nun. She didn't encourage men and she wasn't beautiful enough that they come on to her reguardless of the signals she sent. Add to that her impossible schedule throughout her years in medical school and during her residency. All together, it made perfect sense for her to respond to the first good-looking single guy to do more than say hi to her.

The trick would be keeping him from figuring it out. While she liked being friends with Brian, she did not want him feeling sorry for her. She didn't know what his type was, but she was reasonably confident it wasn't her. He would prefer flashier women. Those who had time to develop a sense of style and adventure. She was cotton sensible and not the least bit romantic. He would want Miss July with a brain.

"We need to get some toys," Brian said, continuting to work on his list. "Skylar has the mobile above her bed and the bear that Val and Matt brought. I definitely want another mobile for above the changing table, but that's not enough." He tapped his pen against the counter. "She's too young for dolls, right?"

"Just a little." Nicole shook her head. "She's a newborn. Toys are not a big priority right now."

"But they will be. What about all that educational stuff? So she can learn to recognize shapes and colors. When does that start?"

"Not this week. Infact the most exciting event you can look forward to in the next moth is her lifting her head while she's on her stomach."

"Okay. So she won't be reading anytime soon, but I still want to buy her some toys."

She glanced at him over her shoulder. "You know that Sky shouldn't go out into crowded places for a few more days. You don't want her exposed to a lot of germs."

Brian looked insulted. "I'm hardly going to take her to the toy store with me. Then they won't be a surprise."

Nicole didn't know whether to laugh at him or throw the spoon she was holding. "A surprise? You think she'll notice?"

"Of course. She's an incredibly bright baby. I would have thought as a doctor you would have recognized that already." He jotted down a couple more items. "I'll either go at lunch, or ask Mrs. Dawson to stay an extra half hour while I stop at the toy store on my way home."

Mrs. Dawson was the baby nurst Val had recommended. The lovely older woman had stopped by that morning to meet both Brian and Skylar. She was gentle, experienced and had enough credentials and recommendations to get a job with a visiting head of state.

"Are you sure you don't want Mrs. Dawson to stay at night?" She asked. Brian had surprised her by requesting the baby nurse to take care of Skylar only during the day.

"No, but I want to try it that way first. If I can't get any sleep, I'll have to have her stay longer. but I want to get used to taking care of my daughter myself. As soon as she's old enough, I'll bring her to the studio with me. I've got several recommendations for day care for time when bringing her to work is impossible." He shrugged. "It's not a perfect solution, but I'm willing to be flexible until I find what works best for both of us."

"Very impressive," Nicole told him. "Less than a week ago you had no plans to keep her and now you're pulling it all together."

"I don't have a choice."

"That's true. Once you decided to keep her, you were stuck. But you're still handling it well." She knew that if she'd met him at a party, she would have dismissed him as too good-looking to be anything but self-centered and shallow. But Nicole would have been the shallow one by making that judgement without getting to know him. She also would have been wrong.

She turned down the heat on her spaghetti sauce, picked up her glass of whine and walked over to the counter where Brian worked. It was surprisingly easy to spend time with him. She'd been worried that the weekend might be awkward, but she'd enjoyed herself very much.

"All right, Mr. Haner, it's time for you to spill the beans. Why don't you have a wife and half a dozen kids?"

He set down his pen and looked at her. "Not my style."

She motioned to the kitchen. "Confirmed bachelors don't remodel. Atleast they don't remodel a perfect home for a family. You told me you don't cook very much, but look at this kitchen. You did a terrific job."

"For resale."

"Liar," she said softly. His brown eyes were the most amazing shade, she thought, wishing she could get lost inside them. "I've heard about your reputation with women. You can't be lacking in offers for permanent roomates."

He shrugged, then took a drink from his beer bottle. "It never worked out that way. I've always had long term relationships that just ended."

"Did you know they would end when you started?"

"What?"

She leaned against the counter. "I have this theory about people who practice serial monogamy. Most of the time they aren't interested in a permanent commitment, but they don't want to admit that. So they find someone who appears to have all the qualities they could want in a mate. They go out for a few months or even a few years, then something happens. There's a fatal flaw and they break up. Later, when they talk about the relationship, they always mention knowing from the beginning that something was wrong. Instead of looking for Mr. or Ms. right, they were secretly searching for the almost-right person who has a fatal flaw. That way they look like they're trying to get involved, but they're really not."

He frowned. "That's pretty twisted."

"Does it sound right?"

"I'm not sure. Matt did the almost-wife and family thing, but it was never anything I wanted."

"Has that changed? You have a daughter now."

"Tell me about it." He took another sip of his beer. "Things have to be different. I know I"m going to have to be more careful who I let into our lives now that it's just not me. If I want a relationship I'll need to find someone who will be accepting of Skylar too."

"That won't be a problem," Nicole said.

He leaned toward her. "I have to ask you a question. As I woman, I mean."

"All right."

He took a deep breath. "What am I supposed to tell Sky about her mother? I'm not upset about Lily's decision. Infact, I'm glad she's gone. She never wanted to have children and I don't want to tell her that her mother didn't want her. I never want her to know that Lily thought about having an abortion and that I had to talk her out of it. How is a kid supposed to survive knowing that?"

Nicole felt as if all the blood had rushed out of her. She felt cold and light-headed. She'd had this exact conversation with herself a thousand times in the past. Maybe more.

"Some mothers don't give up their children so easily," she said, working hard to keep her voice steady. "Some spend the rest of their lives wondering if they did the right thing."

"Maybe." Brian sounded doubtful. "That still doesn't answer my question. How do I tell Sky that her mother didn't want her?"

Nicole took a step back. "I can't help you with this," she said. "Maybe you should talk to Matt or Val. Maybe a child psychologist could help. It's not something you have to deal with for a while."

"I guess not." He stared at her. "Are you all right?"

She wanted to leave, to run away and hide. Except she'd done that before and the problem always followed her. So instead she straightened her spine and squared her shoulders.

"I'm fine. Your question caught me off guard because it's something I've thought a lot about."

"Because you deliver babies who are going to be given up for adoption," he said. "I understand."

"No, you don't. I've thought about this because I once gave up a child."