Brian Haner Jr

Nicole figured she'd already started down the road of telling the truth, so she might as well continue. "It was a long time ago," she said. "I was all of seventeen when I got pregnant. It was difficult for me then and to be honest, it's still a little tough to talk about."

She risked a glance at Brian, then wished she hadn't. He was staring at her wide-eyed, his face a mask of stunned surprise. She folded her arms over her chest. This was why she didn't share the details of her past with many people. So few of them understood.

He continued to stare at her. She had to dig down deep to find enough anger to combat her hurt. So he was going to judge her. She shouldn't have expected anything else... except she had. She'd thought Brian might understand.

"You weren't there," she said crisply. "You can't know what it's like."

"I never said I could," he told her. "I don't think less of you, I'm just..."

"Surprised, shocked, disapproving?"

"None of those." He placed his hands flat on the counter and started at her. "Never anything like that. I have great respect for you, Nicole. If I'm feeling anything it's that I'm relieved to find out you're human, justl ike the rest of us. Until five minutes ago, I'd assumed you were one of those annoying, perfect people. You know the kind-always showing everyone up with their neatly planned lives. I can't believe you made a mistake."

"I'm just a regular person." She bit her lower lip, not sure she could believe him. Was he really not judging her?

"You're not like the rest of us," he said. "Look at you. you're a gifted doctor. You've saved dozens of lives, maybe more. you committed yourself to years of schooling when most people just want to get on with their lives. I'm just some guy who makes music. No special talent there"

She moved closer to the counter. "You're wrong. It does take talent to coordinate a music peice. We're talking about you standing on a stage adn your music being heard by a hundred million people all over the world. I can't even comprehend that much people, but you make it happen." Nicole felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile.

He grinned and patted the stool next to him. "Have a seat."

She hesitated, then took her glass of wine with her as she circled around the counter. When she'd settled in place, he faced her.

"I'd like to hear about what happened to you. If you were just seventeen, you were probably still in high school when you got pregnant, right?"

Nicole drew in a deep breath. Something about Brian made her want to share her past. Maybe it was the way he studied her face so intently, or the kindness in his eyes. Maybe it was nothing more than desire to unburden herself to someone willing to listen. Whatever the reason, she found herself needing to talk.

"I grew up in a small town in Kansas," she began. "My mom died when I was born and my dad raised me by himself." Pictures from her past appeared in her brain and made her smile. "He's a good man and a great father. I always felt as if I were the center of his universe."

"I hope I can do that for Sky," Brian said.

Nicole studied him. "I think you will. The fact that you're worried about it means it's all the more likely to happen." She paused. "My dad's a Baptist minister. He has a huge church and the members keep him busy, but he always made time for me."

She touched the base of her wine glass, but didn't life it to drink. "I was a normal kid. I did well in school and I'd always wanted to be a doctor. There wasn't a lot of extra money so I'd planned on getting a scholarship. I did the usual things in high school. There were ups and downs, but whever happeneds, however badly I was feeling, I knew I could always go to my dad and tell him. All I had to do was look into his eyes and see the light of his love shining out. That light- his love- gave me the strength I needed to do the right thing."

Brian's warm hand settled over her own. The heat of him and pressure of his strong fingers nearly distracted her from her story. She had to force herself to remember what she'd been saying.

"In my senior year of high school I fell in love for the first time."

"I'll be you were the prettiest girl in school and all the boys wanted you desperately."

His compliment made her smile. "Not exactly. The night of the home coming dance, one thing led to another and in the front of Corey's car, I lost my virginity and got pregnant. It was a full evening."

This time she did take a sip of her wine, but she used her right hand to hold the glass. She didn't want to pull her left one away from Brian's touch. Contact with him gave her strength and a feeling of support, which was silly because they were just friends.

She squeezed her eyes shut for a second because nothing made sense anymore. Why did it seem like things had just changed between them?

"You don't have to finish the story if you don't want to," he told her.

"Thanks, but there's not much more to tell. I ignored the truth for as long as I coule. I think I figured if I ignored it, it would go away. Of course life and pregnancies don't work that way. Then I received word that I'd earned a full scholarship to college. All I had to do was keep my grades up my last semester."

"No pressure there," Brian said.

Nicole nodded. "I didn't know what to do or where to turn. Finally I knew I'd have to tell my dad. Somewhere between breakfast and presents Christmas morning I confessed all and broke my father's heart." She withdrew her hand from Brian's grasp and laced her fingers together on her lap.

"He was the best," she said softly, not looking at him barely allowing herself to remember that time. but it was so hard not to get lost in the past, in the pain of that day and the days that followed.

"He went to the school district and made arrangements for me to finish my classes, even though thre was an unwritten policy against pregnant teenagers attending regular classes. He delt with the parishioners who thought I should be punished. He took me to the doctor, made sure I ate right, and when the time came, he helped me pick out the parents who adopted my child."

"But?" Brian probed gently.

"But the light in his eyes had died," she whispered. She drew in a deep breath and risked glancing at him. "I never saw it again. The one thing that told me I was perfect and loved unconditionally was gone. And no matter what I've done since, it's never come back."

She rose to her feet because it had suddenly become impossible to stay seated. After crossing to the sink, she pressed her hands against the cool porcelain and bowed her head.

"That was the hardest seven months of my life. At school, no one would talk to me. My boyfriend disappeared the second I told him I was pregnant and my friend's were too embarassed or too angry to have anything to do with me. Going to church was a nightmare. Most of the congretation understood but the ones who judged me were also the most vocal. And I wondered. Was I doing the right thing? After all I was smart and motivated. Maybe I should forget the idea of being a doctor and get a job instead."

"But you didn't."

"No. We found a nice couple who desperately wanted a child. So I gave her up."

She heard Brian swear under his breath. "You had a girl?"

She nodded. "Jenna Rose. I had an easy delivery, but they wouldn't let me hold her. Instead they took her away and all I could do was wonder if I'd done the right thing, or the easy thing."

Feeling welled up inside of her. Pain at the past, regrets for what she'd done, and what she'd not done. It was too late, she reminded herself. Choices had been made and they couldn't be unmade.

"I've never had any contact with her or her parents, but her grandparents on her adoptive mother's side have stayed in touch with me. They keep me updated on her progress, send pictures. Their daughter couldn't have children, so they're very grateful to me for giving them Jenna."

"Does she knew she's adopted?" he asked.

"Oh, yes. It hasn't been a secret. But she's not interested in meeting me. Maybe in a time, but for now she's happy with her family the way it is." She straightened. "I know she's fine. I know that her life is a good one and that she has loving parents. But I can't help wondering how it all would have been if I hadn't chosen to be selfish. If I'd just-"

She hadn't heard Brian move, but suddenly he was standing behind her, turning her to face him.

"Don't," he commented. "Don't say it and don't you dare even think it. You were seventeen years old, Nicole. You had a hell of a choice to make and you did the best you could. Sure you could have kept her and then what? Gotten a job right out of high school? What about your dream of being a doctor?"

"What about my daughter?"

"What about her? Are you saying you could have done better?"

"I don't know."

His brown eyes darkened as he gripped her shoulders. "I want to shake you," he said. "Don't do this to yourself. Don't second-guess the past. You have a wonderful life and so does she. If the situation were to happen today, you would have chosen differently. but it wasn't today. You were a kid. Give yourself a break."

"I want to," she said. And she did. She'd spent so much of her life beating herself up for her choices back then. Was it wrong to let the past go? She wanted to believe she was allowed, but she wasn't sure. "As for my life being wonderful, sometimes it is, but sometimes it's very lonely."

Brian's mouth tightened. "Why did I know you were going to say that?" he asked, but he didn't seem to be expecting an answer. Instead of holding her shoulders, his hands were moving up and down her arms. "I wish you hadn't told me this," he said, then shook his head when he saw the look on her face. "Don't get all weird on me. I don't mean because I think less of you. If anything, I admire you even more. But knowing about your past makes you..."

"What?"

"Approachable."

He was standing so close, she thought. She could feel his heat warming her. His hands were firm on her arms. He was a strong, solid man- the kind of man who made women feel safe and protected.

"It's as if you're just like everyone else," he murmered.

"I always have been."

"Not to me, and I think I preferred it that way."

"Why?"

"Because, it would have kept me from doing this."

She knew what he was going to do before he did it. Even so, his kiss startled her. Not the fact that his lips pressed against hers, but because they felt so right in doing so. There was a sense of coming home- which was crazy, but true. The scent of his body filled her and it was as if she'd already known that scent. He kissed slowly, as if they had all the time in the world. As if taking that time would only increase their passion. Desire flickered low in her belly as heat poured through her body.

He drew his arms around her and pulled her close. She went willingly- practically melting into him- as her arms encircled his neck.

They were nearly the same height but he was so powerfully built that she felt small by comparison. Her breats nestled easily against his chest and her hips seemed to surge against him with a will of their own. But all that faded when compared to the perfection that was their kiss.

He brushed her mouth gently with his, moving back and forth so slowly that she could have escaped at any time- if she'd wanted to. But what woman would want to move away from the wonder that was Brian Haner Jr.

She felt the faintest rub of stubble against he chin. the friction delighted her, making her want to feel that slight scratchiness all over her body. Delicious images filled her mind, of them together like this, only more together. Pressed hard and naked, surging in the most intimate dance of all. She was over-heated and breathless and all they'd done was kiss. Good grief, what would happen to her if they actually did make love? She would never survive.

But it would be a glorious way to go.

He drew his tongue along the seam of her mouth. The sensual movement drew her back to the present, to their kiss. She slipped one hand up so that her fingers could bury themselves in his thick, dark hair. Her other hand moved down his back feeling the movement of muscles against her palm. Then she parted her lips and invited him inside.

The jolt when his tongue touched hers nearly made her scream. There was a flash of heat and energy, but that wasn't what aroused her the most. It was Brian's reaction to their shared intimacy. Beneath the hand on his back she felt his entire body tense. Strength turned to rock. At the same time, he took a step closer and pressed himself against her fully. She felt the length and breadth of his arousal...and it was as impressive as the rest of him.

Nicole found herself getting lost in the experience of kissing him. She clung to him, wanting to be closer. His tongue moved against hers, then explored her mouth. Each caress brought with it new and exciting sensations. She found herself needing more, kissing him back, wanting more. She was twenty five years old and she couldn't remember the last time a man really kissed her. It was a sad statement on her life.

But it wasn't just being with a man that reduced her legs to jelly. It was specifically this man. Because she'd been on the occasional date and those men had sometimes given her a chaste good-night kiss. Not once had she ever reacted so strongly.

She wanted him and it felt so good to want a man. She wanted to tell him that it was okay with her if he pushed her up against the counter, pulled down her jeans and panties and did it with her right there in the kitchen. She who had never been daring enough to leave the lights on.

Hes hands moved from her back to her face. He cupped her cheeks as if he were afraid she would try to run away. Had she been able to speak, she would have told him there was nowhere else she would rather be.

He nipped at her lower lip, then soothed the erotic ache with his tongue. He drew her lip into his mouth, sucking her and creating tiny pulls that tugged all the way to her breasts. Her nipples were hard and as hungry as the rest of her.

"Nicole," he breathed against her mouth, then slipped one hand under her hair.

He kissed her again, deeply, and she welcomed him. They circled eachother stroking, learning, breathing heavily. She was so incredibly aroused. Shudders rippled through her as if they'd been kissing for hours. Maybe they had. Maybe the rest of the world had disappeared and only they were left to live in the magic of this moment.

Boldly, she let her hands trail down his back to the high, tight curve of his rear. As if reading her intent, he surged against her, rubbing his arousal against her belly, making her gasp. One of his hands dropped to her waist, then moved up her side toward her breasts.

In the back of her mind a voice whispered that things were getting out of hand and wouldn't that be nice. She caught her breath as his fingers moved higher and higher, reaching for her aching curves. Then her pocket vibrated.

Brian wrapped his arms around her and rested his forehead against hers. "I would like to take credit for that, but I'm not good enough."

She smiled faintly, still caught up in what had, until this second, been going on between them. "Too bad," she murmered as she removed her cellular phone and stared at the display. "It's the hospital. I'm guessing it's one of my patients."

He steped back and headed for the family room to give her some privacy. Nicole flipped open her phone and dialed the hospital's number from memory. Her head was still thick with passion and she was afraid her voice would sound funny. She cleared her throat a couple of times before the nurse's station picked up.

"This is Dr. Milenkovich. I received a page."

"Yes, Doctor. One of your ladies is here. Her name is Sam..."

The nurse continued talking and Nicole carefully wrote everything down, but it was incredibly hard to concintrate because Brian had come up behind her and was trailing damp kisses down the nape of her neck. It was all she could do to keep taking notes. Finally she hung up the phone and stuffed it back into her pocket.

"You have a patient in labor," he said, still standing behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against his chest. "You have go to."

"Yes," she said as she placed her hands on top of his. Had they really just shared the most extraordinary kiss?

She looked at him. Passion darkened his eyes. His expression was equal parts aroused and self-satisfied.

"You're something of a kisser, Dr. Milencovich," he said.

"I could say the same about you."

"Go ahead."

She laughed. "You're a good kisser, Mr. Haner. Thank you."

They were standing close together, but not touching. Then Brian cupped her face. "I'm not sorry. The timing is probably poor, but I can't regret kissing you."

Nicole drew in a deep breath. With his words, reality crashed in around her. Who they were- Why they were together. This wasn't a date and they weren't a couple. She was helping out a friends, nothing more. She didn't do relationships, and Brian, well, she didn't know all that much about him except that he was in the middle of creating a new album with his bad and had just brought an infant into his life.

She took a step back. "I agree with both sentiments," she said. "The timeing is less than perfect. Everything about your life is changing and the last thing you need right now is a woman getting in the way."

"That's my excuse, what's yours?"

Nicole didn't really have one except that she'd fallen in the habit of being alone. Right now she couldn't think why.

"I would like to help you with Skylar, but it will get complicated if we're more than friends," she said.

She held her breath, then relaxed she he seemed to accept her explanation.

"So now what?" he asked, shoving his hands ito his rear pockets. She tried not to notice how the action pulled the material of his jeans tight. Thank goodness she'd been paged. If not, they might have acted out her fantasy of doing it in the kitchen.

"Now we agree to keep it simple. Friends. Good friends."

"I get the message. No more kissing." His mouth tightened. "But I'll be thinking about it, Nicole. Probably for longer than I should."

She swallowed. "Yeah. Me, too. I've got to go."

She collected her purse and walked out of the house. When she got in her car, she found her gaze drawn back to the front door. What would it be like to know that after she'd safely delivered her patient's baby she would be returning here? Not just as Brian's friend, but as someone important to him.

She didn't have any answers, she told herself as she backed out of the driveway. Nor were they necessary. For now she and Brian would keep things simple- they would be friends. In time...

Here Nicole wasn't so sure. In time, what? Maybe she would have to figure out why she'd spent all her adult life running from relationships. Maybe she could figure out what was wrong with her. As a child and a teenager, she'd always planned on getting married and having a family. What had happened to that dream? Was it too late to get it back or was she destined to spend the rest of her life alone?