Brian Haner Jr

Nicole walked into Brian's office to find him on the phone, but he looked up, smiled and motioned for her to sit down.

She did as he requested, removed her cap and smoothed down her hair. Now that she was here, she wasn't so sure what to say.

"Hi," he said when he hung up. "I didn't expect to see you this morning. How are you feeling?"

"Tired." She grinnd. Despite her physical and emotional exhaustion the night before, when she and Brian had finally returned to his place and put Sky back to bed, all she wanted was to amek love. She'd needed to feel him next to her, on top of her, filling her up and making her whole. Now she recognized that she'd needed to express her love, but at the time she'd only known that she needed to feel the yawning emptiness inside.

"Me, too. But in a good way. You can keep me awake for that any time you'd like."

She stared at him, at his familiar handome face, at his chocolate brown eyes and his strong body. "I have to tell you something," she said. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. I spoke to my father and Corina. I finally realize I've been punishing myself for years. I've been lving half a life because I didn't feel that I deserved more. I've been so worried aboutm y past that I forgot to think about my future." She sat a little straighter in her chair.

"But all that's behind me now. I've come to understand that if I can forgive other women for my difficult choices they made, I can also forgive myself. I did the best I could at the time. I've gone on to have a successful life doing something that I love. Equally important, my daughter is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted young girl. In time she may want to meet me, or she may decide against that. Either choice is hers.I have promised myself to be as understanding of her as my father was of me."

Brian stared at her. "You have been working through a lot."

She nodded. "I'm done punishing myself. I've decided to go after what I want."

He didn't move, but she sense his withdrawl from the conversation as if he'd stepped out of the room. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm happy for you." His words sounded sincere, but the bleak expression in his eyes didn't change. "It's just that I'm going to miss you. I've gotten used to having you around. I didn't htink we had anyting permanent, but I also hadn't figured on you leaving just yet."

Nicole told herself not to jump to conclusions. Just as she had issues from her past to come to terms with, Brian had the same. She took a calming breath before speaking.

"I'm not going anywhere, Brian. I'm willing to give you as much time as you need to learn to trust me."

"Oh, I do trust you. You've been a great help to Skylar and me." He leaned forward and placed his hands on the table. "You're an amazing woman. In time you're going to want to find the right kind of man. Maybe another doctor or lawyer. Someone professional. Someone-"

"I love you," she said, interupting. "I don't want anyone else."

He stiffened. The bleakness left his eyes, but she couldn't read what he was thinking. "YOu say that now, but it's because of last ngiht. Eventually-"

She rose to her feet and walked around the table until she stood next to him. "Eventually I'm still going to love you. Not a doctor, or a lawyer or anyone else. Just you. I love you, Brian. And Sky. I love both of you."

He stood up with such foce that his chair went skidding back and bumped into the wall. "Dammit, Nicole. I'm trying to be noble here."

"Why?"

"Because you deserve better."

She gathered up al lher courage. Here it was- the moment of truth. Was she really going to say what she was thinking? Was she, for once in her life, going to go for it?

"Could anyone love me more or better than you do?"

She watched him wrestle with his demons. Uncertaintly, longing, pain, mistrust, then need, all chased across his face. She knew about his past, about the ways he'd been let down. She knew how difficult it would be for him to let himself believe that someone was always going to be there for him. She knew abouthis pride, his strength and the small dark place he kept hidden in his soul.

He reached out and stroked her cheek. "No one could love you more than I do," he said hoarsely. "Or better. you are my life, my world. I don't want anyone else in my bed or my arms. You're the one I want. For me, for Sky, for the children I want to have with you."

He motioned to the unfurnished room with several guitars scattered randomly. "This is what I am. This is what I do. Is it enough?"

He was fiercly intense, his passion and love burning hot inside of him. She loved everything about him. She took his hands in hers.

"You are more than enough- just as you are. You are the light shining in the darkness ofmy soul, and I am the same for you. I've waited all my life to find you, Brian Haner Jr. Don't for a moment think I'm going to let you go."

He pulled her close and kissed her. The familiar feel of his body was enough to make her melt against him. Nothing had ever been as right as being with him.

"So when doyou want to get married?" he asked.

She laughed. "Not if, but when?"

He stared at her. "When," he repeated firmly. "I'm not letting you get away, Nicole. I love you too much as it is."

"I'm guilty of htat, too," she said. "Yes, I'll marry you. Whenever you'd like."

"How about after the album releases? Then we can take time off and have a real honeymoon." He kissed her again. She was having trouble thinking as he worked his magic on her. She pulled back enough to ask, "What about the wedding. Isn't that important as well?"

"Very important. Just don't make me eat a pink cake."

"I promise."

He stared at her. "I'll love you forever."

"I know." That was the best part, she though as she hugged him close. She did know.