Brian Haner Jr

It was a few minutes after eight the next morning when Nicole knocked on Brians front door. She juggled to keep the two large coffees from spilling as she balanced the bag of bagels and cream cheese. She figured Brian wouldnt have thought to eat much in the past twenty-four hours. Certainly neither of them had eaten dinner the night before.

She heard footsteps from inside the two story house, then he opened the door.

Morning, he said.

Nicole could barely manage a squeak in response. Hed obviously been up most of the night. There were dark shadows under his eyes and his expression was slightly dazed. But hed showered that morning. His strong jaw was freshly shaved and the dampness in his hair only added sheen where the light reflected on the thick dark layers.

His clothing wasnt all that much different than it had been the day before. A soft-looking, worn sweatshirt replaced the zip up sweatshirt hed had on the previous day, but he still wore jeans and black shoes.

Morning, she managed on her second attempt to speak. You look tired. Did you sleep at all?

He shrugged. Big, muscled shoulders made a casual male movement. It shouldnt have affected her heart rate, but it did. Her palms got a little damp, too, and she had to worry about the coffee slipping and falling.

A couple of hours. Mostly I just worked and worried. He motioned for her to come into the house.

Youll be fine, she said, handing him a cup of coffee as she entered. Its not as if youre going to be on your own. Val is going to come by and give you that lesson in some basic baby care and Ill be right here. She smiled. Although I do have to warn you I have a couple of patients ready to go into labor. Im caught in one of those cycles. Currently over two-thirds of my practice is in various stages of pregnancy. I have twelve due in the next four weeks, if you can believe it.

He glanced at the pager shed clipped to the waistband of her jeans. Some of the worry left his eyes. She handed him the bag. Bagels. Did you eat last night?

He shook his head.

I figured you wouldnt. Men get upset and they stop eating. Most women go in the other direction. I know during finals there were semesters when I felt like I was chowing my way through the entire candy aisle of the student union.

His gaze brushed over her body before returning to her face. Youd never know it.

Thats because Im tall. After a moment of relaxing, she found herself getting nervous again. It was all this body talk. She didnt know how to handle it. For as long as she could remember, her body had been merely functional. She didnt think of herself as especially feminine and certainly not sexy. But around Brian, she remembered she was a woman and she enjoyed the fact.

I spoke to the hospital this morning, she said quickly, to change the subject. Your daughter had a great night. Shes sleeping well, taking formula with no problem and shell be released anytime after noon. You just have to go pick her up.

Okay, he said cautiously.

Dont worry. Val will be here in about an hour and shell take you over all you need to know. At the hospital, one of the nurses will give you the same lesson, so youll have reinforcement. Besides, Ill be here through the weekend.

Yeah, okay, he muttered, but he didnt sound convinced. He shifted awkwardly. I put together most of the baby furniture and some of the clothes.

Id love to see what youve done, she said. And when were finished, we can empty my car. Its packed.

The previous evening she and Brian had loaded as much as possible into his Explorer, and then hed taken Nicole back to his place. There, shed collected her own car, returned to the store and taken the rest of their purchases, which she was delivering this morning. Brian had looked stunned by the amount they had bought, so she hadnt had the heart to tell him there was a lot more yet to buy. She figured she would make the grocery-drug store run later that afternoon to stock up on lotions, shampoo, baby wipes, a thermometer and the like.

Brian took a couple of steps into the house, and then paused. Want the nickel tour of the place? he asked.

Id love it. She glanced around at the spacious living room. There wasnt any furniture yet, but the walls had been stripped of wallpaper and se could see that he was in the middle of refinishing the wood around the bay windows. Underneath the drop cloths on the floor, she spotted scarred but still beautiful hardwood.

Im working on this room now, he said. Ive been doing a room at a time during the breaks Ive had from the record, mostly because thats all I have time for. Sometimes I think I should just get a crew in here and finish it, but I like doing the work myself. Its relaxing.

He led the way down a short hall. To her left side she saw a dining room. The walls were still covered with a flocked print in burgundy and gold. Heavy furniture made the large space seem small and dark.

I bought that set from the former owners of the house. Its about a hundred years old. Its in great shape. When I finish a few more rooms, Im going to start moving pieces around. The table and the buffet can stay in the dining room, but Ill move the old armoire into the guest room.

But your keeping the wallpaper, right? I mean its so you.

He opened his mouth, then closed it. A grin tugged at the corners. You had me going there for a second. I thought you really liked it.

Scary, huh? Someone must have liked it. Not only is it in this dining room, but Im willing to bet it wasnt ordered custom, which means hundreds of people chose it.

You wouldnt believe some of the ugly stuff Ive seen in houses Ive been in. He continued down the short hall, which ended in a bright open kitchen. He set the bagels on the counter and took a sip of his coffee. The kitchen turned out pretty good.

She turned in a slow circle, taking in the beautifully fitted and finished cabinets, the granite countertops and large stove that would make any cook weep with joy.

To the right of the kitchen was an oversized family room. There were two sofas and a couple of recliners, along with a movie-theater sized television and more remote controls than shed ever seen outside of an electronics store. He caught her studying the coffee table and smiled sheepishly.

Okay, I know. Im a guy. What can I say? I like my toys.

I guess.

Sliding doors on the far side of the room led to a huge backyard complete with room for a play area.

This is very nice, she told him. You have a beautiful home.

Thanks. The babys room is upstairs. Im converting the guest room because thats where I started remodeling. I needed a small project to make sure I remembered everything, he said as he led the way up the stairs. Working on the new album has meant spending more time in the studio and less time working on the projects.

At the top of the stairs, around to the left, was a pair of double doors leading to the master suite. Nicole caught a quick glimpse of a king-sized bed, a sitting area complete with fireplace and beyond that, a bathroom to die for. Then Brian was motioning her across the hall.

The new babys room was large with cream colored walls and a bay seat window. Brian had put together the four-drawer dresser and the crib. The three-drawer changing table was still in pieced, but hed put the rocking chair into the alcove by the closet and moved in a floor lamp. A couple of bags of bedding and clothes reminded her that she still had a car full of stuff downstairs, but before she could mention that, her gaze fell on the mobile hanging over the crib.

She crossed the thickly carpeted floor and turned the key activating the mobile. Instantly music filled the room and the collection of fuzzy animals began to turn in a slow circle. Of all the items in the room, this was the one that made her realize that Brian was really going to have a baby in his life. Waiting in the hospital was his own precious child.

So many years had gone by since shed given up her daughter for adoption. For the most part, the pain of loss had dulled. While she frequently thought about her daughter, she didnt ache for her very much anymore. Unless something happened-something like seeing someone else have the very thing shed given away.

What are you thinking? he asked.

That youre very lucky. You have a lovely daughter. She gave him a quick smile. Sorry. I dont mean to get emotional, its just that I always wanted a large family and it doesnt look like thats going to happen.

He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his chest. Why hasnt it? You could have an even dozen by now.

That made her laugh. I wasnt looking for that many. She paused. Im not sure of the reason. Some of it is being a doctor. Medical school, then my residency didnt leave much time for a personal life.

So whats your excuse now?

What was her excuse? She couldnt tell him the truth that her past made her feel guilty and small. That if any man knew about her flaws in her character, he would never want her. She knew that her sense of lacking worthiness was something she should work on, but shed never found the time. Somehow it was easier to get lost in her job.

Im not sure I have an excuse, she told him. It takes time to get established in a new town. I havent met anyone who interests me. You know the usual stuff.

He grimaced. That makes sense. I, on the other hand, have had too many relationships, but thats going to change now.

She couldnt hold back her smile. Dont be so fast to think so. Many women will find you even more attractive now that you have a child.

Its not about them, he said. Its about me. For the past few months, Ive been looking at my life and Im not sure I like what I see. It was one thing to fool around while I was on my own, but now I have a child to think about. She deserves a father who makes good relationship choices. I want her to be proud of me.

Nicole couldnt help thinking that Brian was much deeper then she would have given him credit for. Between the muscles, tattoos and incredibly chocolate eyes and that smile that screamed seduction, she would have thought him to be a player, with no interest in anything of value. And she would have been wrong.

The doorbell rang.

Ill be thats Val. She probably brought Matt along, he said as he headed for the stairs.

Nicole followed him. Val and Matt stood in the family room. Matt held up a container holding three cups of coffee, and a pink box from a bakery. I see we both thought to bring breakfast, he said with a smile. Great minds think alike.

Good to see you both, Nicole said. I brought bagels.

Val set down the brightly wrapped gift box shed been holding and reached for the bag of bagels. Thank you, Nicole. Im dying for a Danish, but I cant eat all that sugar on an empty stomach. It makes me queasy. So Ill have a bagel first. Then a Danish. Maybe even two.

She glanced up and saw everyone staring at her. What? she asked, sounding indignant. Im eating for two.

Nicole shook her head. Fine. Eat two. But dont be screaming when you step on the scale for your monthly appointment.

Val pressed her lips together. Fine. Ill have half a bagel and then half a Danish. She sighed. I never knew Id hate having one of my friends also be my doctor.

Brian looked startled by the exchange. Are all women like this when theyre pregnant? Maybe it was a good thing Lily and I werent really spending time together.

Matt hugged Val and brushed his cheek against her blond hair. Pregnancy is full of challenges, but the end results are worth it. Besides, Val is an angel.

Val shook her head. Hes humoring me because he thinks if he keeps sweet-talking me, I wont throw up later today. My morning sickness tends to hit more mid-afternoon. Its really fun during office hours. She shoved the box toward Brian then reached for the bag of bagels. Open this, Dad.

Brian stared at the box. Its for me?

No, its for your daughter.

Oh. Thanks. He sounded more confused than sincere, then he reached for the box and studied the paper.

It showed pink angels and curly mauve hearts. Tied on top was a small pink rattle. Looking more uncomfortable by the second, he ripped into the paper, then lifted the lid off the square box.

First he pulled out a frilly dress in pale peach. The tiny sleeves had little bows and there was lace on the hem.

Its beautiful, Nicole said. Val, thats so adorable.

I know. I fell in love with it the second I saw it. I adore Kyle, she said, naming Matts son, but shopping for him is not as fun as shopping for girls. All those lacy frilly whatevers. Its great.

Its a dress, Brian said doubtfully. Does she need a dress?

All girls do, Val said as she cut a bagel in half and smoothed on cream cheese. For when you take her out.

Take her out where?

Anywhere. Dont you want her to look good?

Brian stared at the dress as if it were a subversive plot to overthrow the government. Nicole was worried he might bolt at any moment.

What else is in there? she asked to distract him.

Theres more? Brian sounded more alarmed then pleased.

Nicole noticed that Matt wasnt saying much, but he appeared to be highly amused by his friends apprehension. She studied the two men noting the similarities in their actions and appearance.

Well, this is okay, I guess, Brian said, holding up a stuffed bear. Then he glanced at a book touting the joys of having a daughter. Ill need this for sure. Ive finally figured out I dont know diddly about women.

Fortunately shes not going to be a woman for a long time Nicole said. You will have learned a lot by then.

Which reminds me, Val said as she licked cream cheese off her fingers. I brought my practice baby. Shes in the car, along with diapers and bath stuff.

Ill get it, Matt said.

Ill come with you, Nicole told him. My car is filled with the things Brian couldnt bring home last night.

Then well all make the trip outside, Brian said as he set the gifts on the kitchen counter.

Val waved. You go ahead. I just want to eat more.

Nicole was still laughing when her pager beeped. She glanced at the display and recognized the number for the hospital. The code following told her that she had a patient in labor.

Ill be right with you, she said as she drew the cell phone out of her purse. Two minutes later shed confirmed that one of her pregnant patients intended to give birth later that morning.

I have to run, she told Brian as she walked out towards her car. Hed unloaded most of the bags shed picked up from the store and was holding an overnight bag. You might as well take that inside.

So youll be back?

She tried not to smile at the panic in his voice. I promised Id stay, and I will. I dont expect it to take too long, so look for me this afternoon. When are you picking up the baby?

Around eleven, he said. He swallowed. So youll really be back?

She touched his arm. Throught the soft, warn sweatshirt, she felt the firmness of his muscles. She squeezed. Dont worry. Youll be fine. Matt and Val are here. Shell give you your baby lesson and that will give you the confidence you need to handle this. Remember when you first started working on the record? Didnt you have a lot of things to learn?

He nodded. But if I screwed up I wasnt messing up a kid.

Youre not going to mess her up. In fact, Im willing to bet youre really going to like being a father.

Yeah?

She released him. I promise. See you later.

With that she got in her car and started the engine. As she backed down the driveway, she couldnt help suppress a faint thrill of excitement that she was going to be coming back later. She wanted to spend more time with Brian. She told herself it was because of the baby and nothing else, but she wasnt sure that she really believed that. In her heart of hearts, she knew that somehow it had become something more.