Before I Forget

I wake up and see my mom’s eyes staring into mine. I scream and jump away from her. She laughs and backs away, she gives me a huge grin and practically shouts, “Guess what?!” I stare at her unsure if I even want to know what she is going to say. I whisper “what?” my throat is still sore and it’s hard for me to talk. “You get to go home today!” My eyes widen and I give her a blinding smile, I practically attack her is a hug. She hugs me back and mumbles into my hair “God, I missed you.” me being the sap I am start crying and tell her I missed her too. After she un locks her death grip on me I ask her “What time can we leave?” she sighs looks at her watch and says “five hours.” I groan and thump myself back onto the hospital bed. She just laughs and says “Don’t worry dear, I’m going to be here with you for the next five hours.” I smile at her, she has became more of a mother figure in the past few days.

We make small talk for a while then she turns into her seat. “Alice, Joey told me what happened.” I look at her and gulp, of course when I open up to him finally he goes to tell my mom. I stare off into space pissed the fuck off. “And?” I say. She looks to me with tears in her eyes, I look away I can’t stand when people cry. “Why didn’t you tell me anything Alice?” I sigh and shake my head, might as well tell her the truth.” I didn’t tell you because you were so happy and I didn’t want to take that away from you.” She starts crying and I look up at the ceiling I can’t stand this, my god. My mom wipes away her tears, she knows I hate it when she cries. Corey walks through the door with Jade, I look at them and smile. My mom turns around and smiles at Corey and Jade.

Jade practically jumps on the bed to hug me, I laugh at her and hug her back. Corey pulls Jade off of me and hugs me. They sit down and I look at all their faces while they talk to each other. Corey’s eyes twinkle when he smiles. Jade’s face lights up when she smiles. My mom can hardly look anyone in the eyes. I can tell she is still disturbed from before. No one notices how I sit here, sometimes I feel like I’m just watching a movie. Everything happens and I’m just watching, can’t change anything, can’t say anything, I’m nothing. I feel like such a fuck up, I should have hid it better, I just cause everyone pain and sadness. Honestly no one needs me anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Two weeks after I get out of the hospital, I’m going to do it. I’m going to kill myself.

Jade waves her hand in front of my face and I blink a few times and see everyone staring at me, which makes me blush. “What’s up, kiddo?” Jade asks me. I give her a little smile and say “Nothing, why?” she smiles back but I can tell it’s fake. “Nothing, you just looked all spacey” While we were talking Corey and my mom went back to talking. “sorry, I’m just excited for today.” I say while looking away, trying to hold back my tears. I swallow all my tears down and look to her, she knows I’m lying but she smiles at me saying “Yeah it’s going to be a crazy day.” A few hours later I can finally check out of the hospital. My mom brought be some clothes so I don’t have to walk around in old clothes or a hospital gown. I get dressed in a suicide silence tee shirt and skinny jeans and a lamb of god jacket, grabbing my shoes I walk out of my old room and grab Corey and Jade’s hands.

My mom already checked me out so we walked to the car. My mom took Jade in her car because they had to go somewhere or something like that. So I went with Corey, we got into his car and he turned to me and said “So, lets drive around for a while!” I look at him and say “Okayyy?” We drive around and he gives me my I-pod, I plug it into the stereo and put on some KoRn, I look over at Corey seeing if he likes this music, he is nodding his head to the beat so I’m guessing he does. We drive around for over an hour and then we pull up at a really personal, private beach. He turns down the music and saying “Come on chick, we have time to kill” I give him an odd look and he smiles at me “Why do we have time to kill?” I ask him . “Cause the sun is still up!” I shake my head and Corey and I sit down on the sand. We watch the sunset, while watching it go down I rest my head on Corey’s shoulder and he wraps his arm around my shoulder and I fell into a light sleep.