The World is Ugly

I watched as Holly screams into the camera again, from all angles. I knew it was wrong to watch her so closely and I knew that she knew, and she knew that I knew. It was like we were so close, yet so far apart.

We were far apart. Emotionally, and physically. I was over a thousand miles away from her. I couldn't stand to be Jersey, know that where I was, if there was that slight chance she would see me- there was disaster in those cards.

Yet, I can see her with the flick of a moniter screen I see her face, her body, so poised in every way. For three years, I've watched and made sure that nothing has happened to her.

Everything from her house, to her job- She works at Skeleton Crew, helping create new things with Jamia and Frank, it's simple- yet not. She loves it, she comes home everyday with a smile on her face and it warms the cold place where my heart used to be. But then she sees the camera that points directly at the door and frowns. She turnes to the hallway mirror, where there's a two-way, and I can see her perfectly, every line and deep circle under her eyes from where she spends her nights crying profusely over why and then she screams and I swear I can see her lungs, her mouth opens so widely. The words she says cut deeply, they hurt so badly, like knives to my throat.

"You don't know what this is doing to me, I'd rather be dead than be without you, Gerard."

I can't believe she means that, but the look on her face, and the seize in my chest tells me she does. Yet, I can't give in to her, not now- and I hope not ever.

She was feeling so much still, my hope that she would get over this soon, ran quick and dead after the first year. I was still thinking back, back to those days when we thought nothing could hurt us and we we're in love, I still love Holly, with all my heart I do. I want to marry her, adopt a child with her, and spend the rest of forever just looking into those eyes. The eyes that were now, pleading with the glass, shaking its head and turning away.

I looked at another camera, Holly set herself down at the bar and pulled out her phone. I scrunched up my eyebrows, this was differnent, she usually went and watched television before Mickey or Brandon would call her name and they would go out to eat.

I reached for the phone and pressed a number, the annoying ringing. I remembered Holly used to have one of those callback tones, when I used to call her it was 'Waking Up In Vegas' by Katy Perry. It was a funny song and so cute- it fit her so well, it fit us so well but now all I heard was the droaning on of the ring until Brandon picked up.

"Who is she calling?" I asked. They was a slight pause and I saw him walk in to the kitchen, acting as if he was getting something out of the freezer, and then walk back out.

"A girl, named Heather?" He said. I flipped over some manilla folders on the desk that was in front of me and picked up the folder on Heather. It said that she hadn't seen her in over a year, they talked- on occausion, but they hadn't seen each other since that day at the hospital.

"When she get's off the phone ask her who she was talking to and such, okay? Report back soon." He said he would and hung up.

Heather wasn't nessicarily trouble, but she could disrupt this so-called perfect life I have set up for Holly.