You Should Know

“So, did they cancel that conference you have to go to yet?” Gabe asked half asleep.

“No, I still have to go. I’m really sorry,” I propped another pillow behind my head as I laid on my couch talking to him.

“At this rate you’ll never see each other,” He had just gotten off stage and sounded exhausted.

“Maybe I’ll just have to take a trip. I could use a vacation anyway.”

“Why don’t you just quit your job and come on the road.”

“Yeah, so I can sleep in a bunk and not shower regularly, no thanks,” I had no interest in touring.

“You forgot the amazing smell of the bus, it’s glorious,” He laughed.

“I’m leaving you a little present at the venue since I’m gonna miss your birthday. You’ll just have to wait two more days to get it.”

“Is it a puppy?”

“Shit,” I laughed.

“I’m sure the puppy and Gizmo will get along,” He yawned loudly.

“Get some rest.”

“I’m sorry I’m not as talkative I haven’t been getting much sleep lately. I wanted to call you because it’s been like two weeks and I hadn’t returned your call,” He rambled.

“Its fine, you’re on tour. I know the routine. Now get some sleep, though I know you’ll be awake wondering just what I got you.”

“I’m so consumed by curiosity,” He was walking through the bus now and I heard his bunk curtain open and he grunted as he hoisted himself up.

“Are you getting into bed?”

“Yes, mom. I’m going to get some sleep.”

“Good! Talk to you soon and if I don’t talk to you before Friday- happy birthday,” I smiled thinking about the surprise I had for him.

“Thanks, have fun at your conference.”

“Come see us after the show. We’re signing autographs at the merch table,” Gabe said and he and the band left the stage. It had been almost 2 months since he left California. I missed him every day.

When I got back to New York, everything was different, yet the same. It took me a bit to readjust after being in California for four months. The summer flew by for me. I settled back into work and Jake came to visit me for a bit. Things were weird between us when he arrived. He wasn’t acting himself and then he confessed he cheated on me. It was a real blow to me. I never had a boyfriend cheat on me and I didn’t know how to react.

Jake had met the girl weeks before he left. He did business with her and she was visiting California on business. I guess things went well and he went to see her in Colorado, the last minute business trip! I had no clue. I was pretty busy, but Jake and I did spend a lot of time together. I was totally blindsided.

I immediately broke up with him. I am a very trusting person, but once you break my trust it’s very difficult to get it back. He understood and was apologetic, but he didn’t want to be with me in the end. It almost felt like a waste of 4 months.

But, here I am now. I have buried myself in my job and don’t make time for dating. I just want to be alone. Gabe called me when he left Morgan’s and we’ve talked every other week or so while he’s been on tour. I missed him. Just hanging out. Just watching him. I always felt I was completely who I was and who I wanted to be when I was with him. They were playing in New York and it was also Gabe’s birthday, so I thought I’d surprise him. I had told him that I wasn’t going to be able to make it because I had a conference to go to, but that was a lie. I just wanted to surprise him.

I went and waited in the line to get an autograph. I brought him a little present too. I wanted it to be a good surprise, so I stood in line and waited like everyone else.

“Hey!” Alex said surprised to see me.

“Hey…in the mood to get blackout drunk?” I laughed and he gave me a hug.

“I think I’ve finally recovered enough to drink again.”

“Let’s do it then!” I smiled and made my way down the line.

“Sadie,” Nate said and gave me a hug and then Victoria and Ryland and finally I got to Gabe. He was too busy with fans to even notice I had been stopped by all his bandmates.

“Happy birthday,” I said as a group of girls left.

“Sadler!” He shouted and came around the table to hug me. “This is the best birthday present ever.”

“Great show, by the way,” I said as he let me go.

“Thanks. Did that conference get cancelled?” He asked sarcastically realizing it was all a sham.

“Very last minute,” I smiled.

“You should have just told me. I could have put you on the list and you wouldn’t have had to pay.”

“I just paid for a meal for you guys,” I was getting the butterflies back in my stomach. It was not a good thing.

“For you,” I said handing him his present. “I don’t want to hold the line up…I just wanted to surprise you.”

“Thank you. Wait for us at the bar. We’ll be done soon.” Gabe said with a huge smile. I nodded and waved as I walked over to the bar.

“Sadler’s here, which means two things,” Ryland started as they approached me at the bar. “Drunkenness and embarrassing Gabe stories!”

“I have endless embarrassing Gabe stories,” I smiled at Gabe who was still being mobbed by girls.

“Let’s go to the bus guys.” Gabe said as he signed more autographs and took more pictures. The girls loved him.

Nate, Victoria, Alex and Ryland began walking out of the venue and toward the buses, Gabe and I followed.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Gabe gushed putting his arm around my shoulders.

“Surprise!”

“I’m glad you’re here,” He said and took his arm off of me and took my hand.

“After the conference was cancelled I knew I had to come and I didn’t want to miss your birthday with you in the city and all,” I said holding his hand a little tighter.

We got on the bus and just started drinking and having a good time. They were playing two nights in the area, so they’d be here tomorrow as well.

“Nice shirt,” I said to Gabe when he came out from changing.

“I thought you’d like it…” He started laughing.

“Inside jokes are not fun in crowds,” Ryland teased. “If it’s embarrassing I want to know.”

“Oh, it’s embarrassing,” I said enthusiastically.

“Don’t tell the whole story,” Gabe pleaded.

“So, Gabe was on break for like 4 days and he decided to fly back to see me and then he’d meet up with the rest of the band later…I had a birthday party to go to, so I picked him up from the airport and brought him with me to the party.”

“Sadler Monroe James, I swear if you tell the whole story I’ll kill you.”

“Gabe, really? If I don’t tell what happened there’s no point to the story and it’s not that embarrassing,” I was so close to laughing hysterically just thinking about it.

“It must be good if Gabe doesn’t want you to tell us,” Alex chimed in.

“Oh it’s good. Gabe you can tell the most embarrassing story about me when I’m done…okay?”

“I need to think of a good one,” He said and went back to making his drink.

“He didn’t want to go to the party because he was jet lagged and sick. I compromised and told him we would only stay for like an hour. We get to the party and he goes and makes himself some coffee to stay awake. Meanwhile, I’m mingling and talking to some people. He’s missing for like an hour and a half. I thought maybe he went and crashed in someone’s room, so I went to look for him.”

“I can’t believe you’re getting joy out of telling this story,” He was trying to make me feel bad about telling the story as he handed me another drink.

“Trust me; I am getting much joy out of sharing this story,” I gave him a wink.

“I went to the bathroom upstairs and I knocked on the door and called his name and he immediately responded.”

“Sadler?” He sounded really nervous.

“Are you okay? Are you getting sick?” I asked him. I felt bad because he really wasn’t feeling well and I dragged him to the party anyway.

“Um…yeah..come in.” He said and he unlocked the door.

“The whole room smelled like air freshener covered shit,” I had tears in my eyes from laughing. I took Gabe’s hand in mine to comfort him; he was totally embarrassed.

“Did he totally clog the toilet?” Nate asked excitedly.

“That would have been ideal, but no…I shut the door and he’s standing there shirtless. I was so confused.”

“She was like ‘Gabe, why is your shirt off?’” Gabe chimed in.

“Then I glance in the sink and his shirt is soaking wet and hanging in and out of a full sink.”

“Oh my God, what did you do?” Victoria laughed.

"Are you okay? Why is your shirt in the sink?” I asked him kissing his chest.

“I had the coffee and it went right through me and I had to shit so bad that in the process of pulling down my pants, I somehow managed to shit on the back of my shirt.” He laughed.

“That’s fucking classic dude!” Ryland roared.

“In my defense, I later found out I didn’t make coffee, but it was some sort of laxative blend. It came out of nowhere. So, Sadie went and asked her friend for a shirt and I threw out my shirt in the dumpster.”

“It’s not that embarrassing.” Alex said.

“Thanks, dude.”

“Now you can tell one about me…what about the time I fell down the stairs at the mall and I wasn’t wearing underwear and my skirt was at my shoulders by the time I got to the bottom…”

“That was a good one. You were laughing so hard while trying to pull your skirt down." Gabe laughed and pushed my shoulder playfully.

“You were no help either. You were laughing just as much.”

“Hey, Gabe…you have a visitor.” Dan their tour manager said as he came onto the bus.

“Do I know them? Or are they fans?” Gabe asked.

“Oh you know them. They’re waiting outside.” Dan sounded like something was up.

“Okay…I’ll be right back.” Dan and Gabe walked off the bus.

“Why weren’t you wearing underwear?” Nate asked with a wink.

“I had flown out to see Gabe and someone took my carry-on. I put it up in the overhead and someone stole it. Anyway, that night I had washed my underwear and put them up to dry and then we’d go to the mall and get some stuff when they stopped…well, Tyler saw them hanging up and decided to wear them and ripped the seams on the sides and it was a thong and it had been up his ass…so, I had to go commando to get some,” I laughed.

“I would have been so embarrassed,” Victoria laughed.

“I was, but thankful that it happened in like Iowa or something and I’d never be back there.”

“Hey…Sadler…” Dan said as he came back onto the bus.

“Yeah…”

“Can I talk to you for a second?” He asked and had me come with him to the back of the bus and closed the door.

“What’s up?”

“Gabe’s guest is Morgan. She surprised him on his birthday too.”

“That’s totally cool. Do you guys want me to go?” I asked trying to play it cool.

“No, no, no…of course not. I just don’t know how awkward that’ll be for you guys.”

“It’s fine…I had fun. How long is she here?” I asked still pretending to be unfazed.

“I don’t know.”

“I was going to come tomorrow, but do you think that’s a bad idea?”

“You’re always welcome. It’s all up to you,” He said sweetly.

“Okay, well, I don’t want things to be awkward right now and Gabe stay outside…I’ll see you tomorrow though,” I smiled.

“Good!”

We walked back out into the front of the bus and everyone wanted to know what was going on.

“I’m gonna take off now guys, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Why? Lipski, what’d you do?” Alex asked with a laugh.

“Nothing, nothing at all.”

“He did nothing. I’ll see you all tomorrow though,” I gave everyone a hug.

“Will you cover me?” I whispered to Dan as he walked me out. He just nodded.

I slipped out of the bus protected by Dan. He walked me alongside the venue toward the parking lot.

“Hey! Wait!” I heard Gabe scream as he ran toward us.

Dan and I both stopped to wait for him to catch up.

“I had no idea she was coming. You know we haven’t talked in a while…so, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I surprised you too. I know what it’s like when two worlds collide, so I’ll let you guys hang out without me.”

“I am so sorry,” Gabe said genuinely.

“Stop saying ‘sorry,’ it’s fine.” I smiled and started walking over to the parking lot.

Lipski walked me to my car, which was really nice.

“See you tomorrow, kid,” He said shutting my car door.

“See ya,” I replied.

What did I expect? Did I expect Gabe to confess his love to me and want to be with me tonight? Was I even looking for that? All I know is I’ll always love him, but maybe we’ll never be together again. And maybe loving him as a friend was enough right now.

I got home and sat on my couch. I didn’t even turn a light on; I just laid down and let this weird feeling rush over me. I didn’t know what I wanted or why I just couldn’t seem to let Gabe go. Maybe because of the way I broke it off I’m looking to either start over or have it not work to prove me right or for some sort of sign that we’ll never be and maybe that was Morgan.

I was home for an hour in the dark just thinking when my cell phone rang.

“You were the best birthday present I got tonight,” Gabe said before I could even open my mouth to greet the call.

“That’s a lot to live up to for next year.”

“Just come next year too.”

“I wasted money on a gift and all I had to do was show up?” I teased.

“Thank you for the gift too. I love it.”

“Did you even open it?” I asked because the present wasn’t something he could explore in only an hour.

“I did. I wish you didn’t leave,” He sighed.

“It’s probably better that I did.”

“I’m excited to have a purple iPod in my collection,” I could hear him walking outside.

“They are the new mix tape. Where’s Morgan now?” I asked hesitantly.

“She’s on the bus…Good songs on the iPod,” I could hear him smile over the phone.

“Good stuff, right?” I said nervously. I sort of made a mixtape of semi optimistic and semi love songs. It was easier than saying it out loud. I don’t know why I had grown so scared.

“Yeah totally…I sent you a copy of our new CD did you ever get it?” I could picture him kicking the street with his feet away from the bus.

“I did, I got it yesterday. Thank you. It’s really good. I’m proud of you.”

“Did you really listen to it?” Gabe laughed.

“Yes! Why would I tell you I did, if I didn’t?”

“No thoughts on it? I mean, besides you liked it.” He asked nervously.

“I’m sure after Morgan hears some of those songs she’ll want to marry you.” I said sounding upbeat. I don’t know why that even came out of my mouth.

“Sadie?” Gabe said with a bit of attitude in his voice.

“What?”

“They’re not about Morgan.”

“Oh, well…did you not tell me about a girl?” I asked, not really wanting to believe it could be about me, but really hoping it was.

“I wrote them for you.”

“You know, I do have some thoughts on the new album. Who’s Angie? I mean, seriously?” I don’t know why, but I was getting nervous and didn’t want to discuss the songs he supposedly wrote for me.

“Angie is Morgan…I wrote that song to let her know I understand her, but it just felt like she was having fun and not really into it.”

“You know that’s not true. She loves you…why would she surprise you on your birthday after months of not talking to you?” I asked.

“Were you still in love with me when you came to see me with Emily after not talking to me for months?” Gabe pried.

“Of course I was,” I couldn’t help but smile. “Won’t Morgan be wondering where you are?” I asked trying to change the subject a bit and we had been on the phone for like a half hour.

“I told her I needed to call my family…I’ll take as much time as I want,” He laughed. “But, back to you being in love with me,” Gabe said with a low laugh.

“Who said that?” I asked sarcastically.

“I did. I want you to come tomorrow night. If you don’t, I’ll be crushed,” He was repeating words he said to me when we first met.

“I wouldn’t want that to happen…I’ll see.”