Accidental Love Song

Frank

I left the coffee shop quickly; not that I really wanted to leave. I wanted to spend more time with Janessa… To maybe kiss her, for real; not just on the cheek. She was pretty brilliant.

The phone conversation I had had earlier, though… It worried me to a great extent. It was Ray- he had said it was urgent; that something was up with Gerard. Just thinking of what that really meant- all the possibilities- made my stomach twist uncomfortably. I was driving to Ray’s place now, where he said they all were. I had the music turned up loudly, but I could only vaguely concentrate on the drums and guitars shrieking together harmoniously. My mind was a mess… Who knows what was wrong with him, now. Did he do something stupid, while he was drunk again? I just hoped no one was hurt. With that thought, I pushed down on the accelerator, speeding down the highway towards Ray’s.

-

I nervously played with the hem of shirt, waiting for someone to come to the door. I had rung the doorbell, and knocked, twice. Soon, I heard footsteps walking hastily towards the door. When Mikey opened the door, he smiled sadly and offered a little welcome. I could see he was as edgy as I was; his eyes darted all about him, and he stood slightly hunched over. I walked in quickly; partly to escape from the icy breeze that had previously been attacking my arms, but mostly out of the anxiety that was quickly building in the pit of my stomach.

“W-what happened?” I asked Mikey quietly, stammering over the possibilities in me head. He opened his mouth, but shut it, his face scrunching up.

“It’s better if you just see.” He said uncomfortably. I nodded, and followed him up the stairs to Ray’s spare bedroom. I knew Gerard had been staying there for the past two or three weeks.

As we neared the doorway, I could hear arguing; one voice was Ray’s, quiet and persistent. And the other… The other was the noticeably slurred and confused tone of Gerard.

“Gerard,” began Ray’s somewhat calm, reasoning voice, “why would you even think about doing something like this? Are you just being stupid?” his voice dropped to a low hiss on the last word. I could tell he was furious.

As I entered the room, I was puzzled at what I saw. Gerard was sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest, his back to the spare bed, and his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. But what I really took notice of was the suitcase beside Gerard, open and packed messily with an assortment of clothes, pictures, and other little trinkets. There were also other clothes strewn about on the floor. When Gerard spoke, his tone surprised me; it held more authority than I thought he could have mustered at a time like this.

“Don’t you ever fucking call me stupid.” He looked up at Ray, hatred apparent in his bloodshot eyes. “Comments like that,” he spat the word at Ray, then continued after pausing, “Are the reason I’m leaving.” I looked at Mikey, bewildered, trying to gain an answer.

“You’re not fucking leaving! You don’t even have any money!” Ray yelled bitterly, throwing his hands up in the air. He glared at Gerard, as he lost all of his composure.

“And how do you plan on fucking stopping me?! Are you going to barricade the doors? And I’ll get money!” Gerard glowered at the ground by Ray’s feet.

“You know what? Fine. Have it your way. I’m leaving. When you’ve finally found some common sense, give me a call, you fucking prick.” Ray spat, turning sharply on his heel and storming out the door, pushing past Mikey and I as he did so.

It was silent in the room, as we all listened to the loud slam of the front door, and the low rumble of Ray’s old truck.

Gerard looked up, all the previous indignation gone, being replaced with regret and distress. His puffy eyes were overflowing with tears. I stared at him, perplexity apparent on my face. My mouth hung open slightly, as I hastily tried to make sense of the scene I had just witnessed.

“Gerard,” I started, unsure of what I was going to say. He looked at me, searching my eyes for some type of answer… One that I clearly didn’t have.

“Frank, choose what you are going to say carefully. We don’t need another argument now…” Mikey warned, staring me straight in the eyes. I nodded my head quickly, and looked back at Gerard, who had placed his head in his hands, and was now kneading his temples.

After a few moments’ thought, all I could splutter out was a weak “What the hell..?”, as I was still searching for an explanation to what was going on. Gerard looked up again, meeting my gaze. He looked as though he had gone through hell- or a bottle and a half of something hard; and in actuality, either was quite possible at the moment.

Mikey sighed, and walked over to Gerard, helping him up off the floor. Gerard stumbled clumsily to his feet, his face turning red as he realized he couldn’t even stand properly. He clutched his bed for support, as he tried to steady himself. I watched as he haphazardly made his way slowly over to stand in front of me. We stared into each others eyes for a good minute or so, both searching for something in the others’ eyes. I sighed, knowing I wouldn’t be getting any rational answers from him until he was completely sober. I turned my gaze away from Gerard and decided to fix my eyes on the half-packed suitcase instead.

We all knew there was no way Gerard and Ray could share a house tonight. I decided he would be staying at my place, instead. I knelt on the floor, and began to gather the clothes out of, and around, the suitcase. I gently and neatly folded them, placing them back in the bag. After laying some picture frames and various other things on top of clothes, I zipped up the bag, and hoisted it up, looking from Gerard to Mikey.

Mikey was standing uneasily next to Gerard, his arm awkwardly around his older brother’s shoulder. Gerard gave him a long hug, and whispered something I couldn’t hear in his ear. Mikey nodded his head, but the agitated, distressed look on his face remained. As the hug broke, Mikey looked to me and mouthed ‘Take care of him’. I nodded sincerely, and began to follow Gerard out of the bedroom, and then out of the house.

I tossed his suitcase in the back of my car, and we both got in.

The drive home was silent, save for the quiet murmur of our breathing.