Intensity

I wasn’t sure what I was to think when he broke away from me. So many thoughts flashed through my mind, he was so close – hell, I was so close. But he just stopped. Why did he stop?

I felt pathetic. I felt worthless; there were so many emotions that were flying through my head. I couldn’t even begin to name them. The look on his face when he got out of the bed, when he looked down at my naked body. Was it disgust? I was sure it was.

I looked up, and stared at myself in the mirror that hung on my wall across the room. My face was red and blotchy, tears stained my cheeks. When I arrived home, my mother had gone ballistic. She was screaming and crying all at the same time as I walked through the front door. At least I had enough balls to not cry until I reached my room.

Currently, I was locked in. While I was gone, she had put on a new door, this time bolted from the outside. Her way to lock me in her little prison. She had even barred my windows. I sighed as I stood up. I had quickly showered as soon as I could get away from my mother, erasing all the traces of Cullen and Patrick off my body.

What the hell did I do to deserve this? One of them couldn’t keep their hands off my body, couldn’t help but make me react to him. In a way that made me want to scream and run at the same time as jumping on him and ripping off his clothes. And the other, he was… gentle. He wasn’t rough, he was sweet, and he went out of his damn way to find me. To practically rescue me from my fears. I thought, I seriously thought that when he leaned down to kiss me, that that was how it was supposed to feel. Not scary, not forbidden, but blissful. Like he was too afraid to kiss me too hard in fear of breaking me.

That was why I couldn’t comprehend why he pushed me away the way he did. That kind of passion didn’t make someone push another way.

I sniffed as I felt another wave of tears come. School would be starting again. Mine and Cullen’s suspension was over, and the next day I would be returning to school. To face all the cheerleaders and popular kids. I would face them all, while Cullen probably stared at me with a blank look. Just thinking of his face, of his eyes and smile made my chest ache. Go figure life wasn’t like the fairy tale books.

My classes would most definitely be changed tomorrow. My mother would see personally to that. She blamed Cullen for my sudden disappearance. She was right, he was the reason why I suddenly disappeared, but he wasn’t the reason why I had been missing for so many days.

I felt more tears rush down my cheeks. Is this what it really felt like? To feel abandoned and heartbroken? Is this what my mother felt when my father left her?

Those thoughts were almost too much to bear. I felt my shoulders sag, and I let it all out. The thoughts of my father, mother and Cullen flooding my mind. Before I knew it I would end up just like my forsaken mother. Having the man that she thought cared for her up and leave without any remorse.

Kind of how Cullen did it. He stole a kiss and then proceeded to do all the things that I had secretly wished for. He was so close.

But everyone has to wake up sometime.