Intensity

He was there.

I swore he was there. I was just sitting there, Cullen’s groupies insulting me with every breath they took. And then all of a sudden he was there. His face burning its way into my memory. His intense brown eyes and brown hair. He was the type that could make any girl in my school fall head over heels. He stirred up so many emotions I couldn’t even grasp onto reality. His presence reminded me of those days. His taste still lingered on my lips.

The feelings he wound up in me scared me. He put heated thoughts in my head. Bad thoughts, thoughts that I once used to have of Cullen. But Cullen didn’t want anything to do with me… or at least, that’s how I took it. But Cullen was safe. Err, well safer than him anyway. Cullen was grounded; the feelings he wound up in me were grounded. They weren’t intense; they didn’t make my heart pound so fast I thought it was going to rip out of my chest. Was it fear? It was hard to tell the difference between fear and that other feeling. The feeling that I very rarely ever felt. Desire.

Did I desire him? Quite possibly. Did I want too? Hell no.

He was dangerous. He was a murderer. He was a womanizer… but then again, so was Cullen. I stopped in my tracks. I had basically run out of the cafeteria, my heart beating erratically. I stood there trying to catch my breath. I felt a wave of anger rush through me. The thought of Cullen fucking another girl pissed me off. Suddenly all of the intense feelings for Patrick vanished. Cullen now drowning my every sense and thought.

I didn’t understand him. I thought he cared, I thought… with him going out of his way to get me away from his cousin that he cared. That perhaps there was more behind the whole asshole persona he let go on. I sighed as I plopped down on the desk. This was becoming ridiculous. Ever since that night, things had changed so much. I had never been in this much trouble at home in my life. For crying out loud my mother had installed bars on my window. When I went to school, I still got glares, and the guy that I longed for wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Oh and can’t forget that one of the most dangerous and sexual men that I have ever met is stalking me.

I felt tears prick at my eyes. Of course, and just when lunch was about over I begin to cry. Can my day get any worse? I closed my eyes and laid my head on my desk, making sure that I was facing the wall opposite from the entrance. I knew that I had to go to class soon. The room that I had walked into was empty in the afternoon. I stood up, and walked toward the window.

Opening the blinds, I peered out into the dreary scenery. It had been raining throughout the whole day washing away the early snow. Snow. The thought of it reminded me of the night that Cullen had taken me out of my house. Had drug me all the way to his home, in the blistering cold. I stilled as the memories returned. He showed no mercy to me then. He let me walk on ice with no shoes on, without any pants on. The tunnel that he took me through he refused to help me as I felt my feet burn and become numb. The only way I made it through to where he lived was because of his strange friend.

I blinked as I watched people walk out in the rain, heading for their cars for an illegal smoke break. Thoughts were racing through my mind… I was just another Clare in his eyes.

I felt tears prick at my eyes again as I turned around and stalked out the door. Going as fast as I could without falling, I rushed down the stairs and headed straight for the outdoors, my heart breaking with every step that I took. He didn’t care about me; all he cared about was protecting his self. His secret. If he wouldn’t have come for me, there would have been a large investigation. If I would have died, then he would have had to run. He wasn’t trying to protect me from his cousin. He was trying to protect his secret.

And I was a fool for thinking that kiss meant anything…