Pushing My Limits

I grabbed my backpack from the chair, hitched it onto my shoulder and went out to meet some of the fans. I would always do this, every single night. But this time i would make sure i stayed until i had met every single one out there. I was so happy that the tour was finishing, i didn't care if it took me all night.

Approaching the door, i could hear the excited murmur of conversation from beyond it. As i opened it, i could hear conversations stop mid-sentence, i smiled to myself and walked through. A couple of squeals erupted, and i smiled in the direction.

"Oh my god! Sonny Moore!"

"Please tell me I'm not imagining Sonny Moore standing right in front of me!"

"I'm finally going to meet my idol!"

My smile faded for a minute as i thought to myself; But I'm not your idol, am i? Your idol is the person I've pretended to be. The person I've been pushed into being.

Two girls walked over to me, one had brown hair with black tips, and the other blond hair with blue highlights in her fringe. They were both pretty girls, their eyes outlined with thick, black eyeliner which was slightly faded from sweat.

"Hey" the blond one said, looking up at me nervously. I smiled at them both, and hitched my sliding backpack further up onto my shoulder.

"Hey, how are you guys?" I asked. I had learned, since starting the band, that most fans were too nervous to come speak to you, and so when they did finally pluck up the courage to come talk to you they wanted you to lead the conversation. Then they don't have to worry about embarrassing themselves in front of us. To be honest, even though some of the over-confident fans are annoying - they think they're so hot that anyone would fall at their feet, or they think that Matt would leave his 6 year girlfriend for them, i hate it when people talk to me or stutter as if I'm better than them. As if I'm this superior being, because I'm just like them. I'm just the same teenage person, passionate about music. Most of them are in bands, probably in bands better than ours, but it was just a stroke of luck that our band got noticed.

"Uh, we're uh good thanks. I...uh...that was a real good uh show " She paused, "..gig...concert...by the way"

I forced a chuckle, i wanted to shout at them. Why couldn't they talk to me like they'd talk to each other?

"Ah, thanks" I grinned, "I enjoyed it. So, you seen us before?" I asked, as i pulled a silver sharpie out of the pocket of my backpack and offering to sign whatever she wanted me to sign.

"No, this was the first time my parents let me come" she looked kinda embarrassed, and handed me her ticket. "Thanks"

"Ahh, my parents would always stop me going to gigs and shizz" I said, and she looked up, surprised.

"They did?" I signed her ticket and handed it back to her and took her friends one.

"Yeah. Bad for my hearing apparently" I grinned at them, "Look at me now" The girls laughed and the brunette pulled a camera out of her pocket.

"Do you mind..uh...photo?" She asked, nervously. By now a small group had formed around us and there was the mumbling of quiet, nervous conversation around us. Most people were listening to our conversation, trying to figure out what i was 'really like'

"Nah, course i don't!" I replied, "I'm Sonny Moore, the camera whore. Remember?"

Yeah, I'd seen that You Tube video.

She smiled, and the girls shuffled closer to me, i put my arms around them and put on my well practiced almost-natural looking smile. I'd even almost perfected the happy shine in my eyes.

The girls thanked me and walked away, their camera and signed tickets clenched tightly.

"HEY SONNY! GIMME A KISS!" Some girl shouted, i looked over and her friends all started to laugh.

"I got a girlfriend" I shrugged, smiling apologetically. This was well practiced as well, i got this at every venue; this was nothing compared to some of the offers i got. "You can have a hug though"

The girl pushed her way through the people crowded around me waiting patiently, and stood in front of me expectantly.

"Hey, be careful, alright? Manners don't hurt" I sighed, as i said before; most of the fans were amazing, but some were just annoying. The girl shrugged, she was taller than me by about two inches, she was also slightly chubby. She was wearing a low cut, tight t-shirt that showed way too much cleavage and "skinny" jeans clung to her thighs in places they shouldn't. Her hair was cut to just above her chin, and she had no fringe - for some reason this hairstyle made her face look slightly chubbier than normal, and her whole attitude shone arrogance.

She wound her arms around my small frame and hugged me tightly, i grimaced as her hands found their way to my bum. I hugged her quickly and then let her go.

"Want anything signed?" I asked her. She shook her head, and kissed my cheek.

"I hate from the beginning to the end or whatever your bands called. I just think you're hot" She pushed her way back through the fans and waved at me, grinning.

"STUPID TEENIE" a girl at the front called, she had a lip ring and an eyebrow piercing. She was wearing a home-made From First To Last t-shirt, with grey skinny jeans covered in FFTL patches.

I giggled and grinned at her, she looked up at the sound of me giggling and blushed as she realized I'd heard her.

"Teenie?" I asked, I'd heard people say it but didn't really know what it meant. I had a vague idea from the concept in which it was spoken. But when it doubt; ask the fans.

"Uh, kinda fan-girl" she explained, "Doesn't like the band or doesn't really like the music, just likes the people in the bands cos they're hot or whatever. Or it could mean a fake who changes favorite bands when they become cool" She gestured the bunny ears when she said the word cool and rolled her eyes.

"Ahh! I see" i grinned. "You enjoy the show?"

She pulled out a c.d from her bag and handed it to me to be signed, flicking her hair over her shoulder she grinned.

"Yeah! The mosh pit was immense! I think i broke my finger...ahh well it's all part of the fun" I laughed at her craziness.

"Wow, our fans are hardcore" i smiled as she held a camera in front of us.

"Thanks. Thanks for your time, hope the rest of the tour goes alright...bye!" She walked off muttering "excuse me's" to everybody as she squeezed through. I smiled after her and started talking to the next fans, the majority of which were girls; not that i minded.

There were only a few people left, i had been out here with the fans now for 3 hours, talking to each of them. Some of them i had longer conversations with and some had to leave quickly. Some fans wanted to wait for Matt and Travis but they were probably already on the bus, having snuck some secret way the venue always had.

I waved goodbye to the last fan (no pun intended) and rubbed my cheeks which were sore from the smiles. I turned to head onto the bus, and gasped when i saw someone sitting there. I wasn't expecting her and i could have sworn she wasn't there a minute ago. The girl was sitting there alone, her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap patiently, she had headphones in, and was busy bopping her head to whatever she was listening to.

I walked up to her, and as she saw my feet approaching she pulled her headphones out of her ears and stood up, digging around in her pockets.

"Hi Sonny" She said simply, she looked up at me; her bright green eyes met mine and lingered there a moment. My breathing stopped for a minute, and as her stunning eyes left mine i could feel my heart pounding in my throat.

Pulling out a ticket from her pocket, she handed it to me asking if i would sign it. I took it from her and our fingertips touched slightly; i could almost feel the electric-like connection buzzing between us which intensified mightily when our skin touched.

I still hadn't said a word to her, and i knew that she probably thought i was being rude; maybe she'd pass it off as being tired but i didn't know what to say.

"I have to go" she said, looking up at me. Her eyes were filled with knowledge; knowledge that seemed too much for her young, beautiful face. She pulled me into a hug, and i wrapped my arms around her and held her close for a minute, i could feel her breath on my hair.

"I know Sonny."

My voice was caught in my throat, but i managed to reply.

"Know what?"

"You're not who you say you are" She untangled herself from my arms and i studied her face,

"How?"

She didn't answer me, just seemed to study my face for a moment, an uneasy silence falling around us. Suddenly a quiet electronic noise penetrated the air, piercing the silence.

"I have to go" she whispered, she grabbed my hand softly. She didn't say another word but ran off through the tour buses without looking back.

I watched her green and black skirt floating around her as she ran, on top of ripped skinny jeans. She had on a black tee with a small from first to last logo which was too thin to be worn on a night this cold.

I watched her until i couldn't see her anymore, then started to walk to the tour bus.

There went mystery girl. The girl that somehow knew. The girl that could have saved me.

Lost in the wind