Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

My eyes opened making me stare at the shining clock. I sighed as I saw that it was 8:30. Time to get up. Jimmy knows that I want to do something really special with just the kids today since we leave for tour tomorrow morning. I got up and accidently hit something next to me. I picked my hand up fast seeing Jimmy in the same spot as last night. I laughed. I thought I pushed him off after a while. I got up and walked down the hall and into each of the kids room. They were both a sleep luckily. I walked back into my room and into smiled at Jimmy who was now laying on his side, on my side of the bed, with his arm under the pillow and the blankets pulled up all of the way up. I walked into our bathroom and started the shower. The water heated up fast thankfully. I jumped in after I had stripped of my clothes. The water burnt my skin, but it felt that much better. I finally had just a few minutes to myself. I thought about everything that had happened lately, but the one thing that got to me the most was that I had to leave my kids for a month. I know it’s not long, but they’re my kids. I have to leave them here while I’m in Europe with my band! I sighed frustrated with myself. I felt arms wrap around my waist.

“I know that you’re having a hard time, but we’re doing it to give our kids a better life.” He said as he pulled be back into his chest and kissed my neck.

“I know.” I said. My voice was shaking slightly making me cuss under my breath.

“They’ll be ok. My mom is a very strong woman. She can take care of them. I mean she raised me right?”

“Oh god our kids are doomed!” I said giggling at the look on his face. He shook his head and rocked us back and forth. We finished our shower, absorbing all of the hot water in our hour. I got out and changed into my underwear that said “Rev’s Ass Candy” on them. I put on my black bra that had a pair of drum sticks on both sides. He whistled making me laugh before I gasped when he smacked my ass. I reached back and smacked him across his chest making him laugh. I pulled on a pair denim skinny jeans and my black peace sign shirt that had peace signs in neon colors.

“Daddy.” I heard as our door opened.

“Yeah baby?” He asked as he picked Vicki up.

“Sweetie you’re sweating.” I said as I brushed her hair back.

“I don’t feel good.” She said as she laid her head in Jimmy’s neck.

“Why don’t we just run a few errands, come home and watch movies? Just have a family day inside. She’s sick and I don’t want to expose her to anything else.” Jimmy said as he held a hand to her forehead.

“That sounds good. I’m going to go get Aidyn.” I said as I kissed her forehead. I walked down the hall to th black door that said Aidyn’s name in Jimmy’s messy cursive. I opened it to hear Aidyn cooing softly from his bed. I could hear him saying “Dadada” I never understood why they say “Dada” when the mom’s the one who did most the work! But then I found out that it’s just because “D” is easier to say. I picked him up and set him on his changing table. I grabbed a diaper and his wipes and set them on the top before changing his diaper. I made a face at him to keep his distracted so he didn’t wiggle around while I was changing him. I heard a chuckle from the door that was followed by a giggle. I flipped off Jimmy when Vicki turned her head. He just bit my finger.

“Ow.”

“What?” Vicki asked panicking slightly.

“Your daddy bit me.” I said smugly. He glared at me as she smacked his chest. I laughed before picking up Aidyn.

“I’m going to go start breakfast.” I said as I ran out of the room before he could grab me. I put on music and let Aidyn play on the floor. I walked into the kitchen and made pancakes and eggs. Once they were done I put each plate on the table and called Jimmy. Soon after he walked in with both Vicki and Aidyn in his arms.

“I was going to get him.” I said as I laughed. We all sat around the table eating. We both were trying to get Vicki to eat a bit more, but she just took a few bites.

“I’ll just get her to eat some soup later.” I told Jimmy. He nodded and picked her up. I watched as he walked out of the room. It was killing him that she was sick and there was nothing we could really do. I gave Aidyn a few bites of his baby food before he was soon just spitting it out signally that he was done. I just laughed quietly and cleaned him up before walking back to his rom. I took off his pjs and changed him into a onesie that said “Daddy’s little monster” and a pair of blue jeans. I put his little socks on him followed by his black baby converse. He started to play with his shoes while I made his diaper bag. I walked out into the hall and into Vicki’s room to see that Jimmy was putting her hair up half up half down. I smiled as I saw her “It’s Ok I’m with the band” shirt and her tattooed pants.

“Ready to go?” He asked as he wrapped a blanket around her. I nodded and walked out of the room and down the hall. I grabbed the keys to his SUV before heading out to the car.

“You want to drive?”

“Yeah.” He said as he put Vicki into the car, “Maybe we should run by the doctors office.”

“You’re really worried aren’t you?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah but babe it’s just a the flu. She’s like you and strangely like me. She drags her sicknesses.”

“I know, but please just for my state of mind.”

“Ok I’ll call right now and make the appointment. We’ll do our running around first until her appointment and then we’ll go and make sure she’s ok.” I said as I took his hand in mine. I rubbed the back of it softly calming him down. I pulled out my phone and called the doctors office. They told me they had an appointment open for 11. I told him and he kissed the back of my hand and said thank you.

Our errands were done easy. The hardest one was trying to pay the PG&E. They told us that we owed nearly 500 dollars which was ridiculous. They said they’d send someone out later to check what could be causing it. We paid 150, which is Jimmy’s normal price before we left to Vicki’s doctors office.

“Hello we have a doctors appointment for Victoria Sullivan.” I said as I stood at the receptionist desk.

“Can you fill out these forms?” the nurse asked. I nodded and took them from her and walked over to where Jimmy was sitting with Vicki in his lap and Aidyn in his car seat next to the chair. He filled out all of the paper work without putting her down which amazed me. Not even a half an hour later we were seen.

“So what seems to be the problem?” Dr. Ulrich asked. Jimmy named off everything from her throwing up to her bones aching. Doctor Ulrich took her temperature and listened to her lungs.

“Well there isn’t much I can say except she has the flu. I want her to be comfortable. Go to the store and get 7up or Sprite, leave it on the counter with the lid off so it gets flat and have her drink that. Put a humidifier in her room when she goes to sleep or what ever room your in and make sure she’s get rest. Other then that you should be perfectly fine.” He said as he showed us out.

“I told you.” I said smiling. Jimmy laughed and nodded.

“You would think after all of this time of knowing you I’d just trust your judgement.” He said as he kissed the back of my hand.

“You did the right think though. You made sure your daughter was ok.” I said smiling. My phone ran “I love To Say Fuck” by the Murderdolls.

“Ello Lauren!” I said as I answered the phone.

Hey are you guys ok?

“Yeah why?”

Well the news just said that a convict was loose.

“No we’re fine. We actually went for a walk last night.”

Are you out of your fucking mind! It could be Brandon! They didn’t say on the news!

“I don’t think it was Brandon. He’s stupid, but he’s not so stupid that he would risk getting more time when he’s getting out in two weeks.” I said. Then it hit me! He’s getting out in two weeks. My breath got quicker making Jimmy look over at me.

“Babe?”

“Jimmy he’s getting out in two weeks. What are we going to do?” I could hear Lauren yelling from the other side.

“Lauren she’s gonna call you back tonight ok? I have to get her calmed down.” Jimmy said over the phone as he pulled off to the side of the road. He pulled me into his chest and rocked me back and forth.

“I already have it covered alright. I had an alarm system hooked up while we were gone this morning. I didn't want you to worry. I thought of it all last night after I fed Aidyn. Actually I was planing it at dinner.” He said as he calmed me down. I looked up at him with glossy eyes and gave him a weak smile.

“You’re the best person ever! But we’re so stupid for going out last night.”

“Yeah I thought about that after the cop stopped us. I was actually trying to make you forget about the cop, but I mean if I wanted to do that I could have done something easier like made you a bubble bath.” He said laughing, “But hey we always were the crazy ones.”

“Well they always say that craziness attracts craziness.” I said smiling a true smile. He laughed and nodded his head.

“They also say it takes one to know one.” He responded.

“Well then they were right.” I said simply. We got home in record time, which was amazing! We got the kids inside since they fell asleep out in the car on the way home. I changed Aidyn, successfully not waking him up and got him into his play-pin.

“So what are we going to do when the kids wake up?” Jimmy asked.

“I don’t know. I mean we were planing on going to the beach, but I really don’t want to do that now. So why don’t we paint with them and watch movies.” I said as I stood up.

“That sounds good. I’m gonna go take a bubble bath!” He said as he walked down the hall and into our room. I laughed at him and shook my head. I walked into our room and started to fold the clothing that was sitting on our bed. After I had folded them I grabbed my bags out of the closet and started putting my clothes in it. I pulled out Jimmy’s and did the same. I didn’t pack all of the clothes yet because I didn’t have them all washed and I wanted to make sure Jimmy had everything he wanted instead of what I packed for him.

“Jimmy?”

“Yeah babe?” He called from our bathroom.

“Where are we going first?”

“We’re going to Finland first. I think.” He said. I could hear his voice going out meaning he was going under water. I laughed and nodded. I laid down on our bed for a few minutes just thinking about how this trip is going to change my life. Something big is going to happen I just don’t know what it is. I heard Jimmy get out of the bath. I heard him put on his pants, but I didn’t get up. I felt a dip in the bed next to me and I thought he was just going to lay next to me until I felt him sit on my hips.

“What’s the matter?” He asked as he leaned down slightly.

“I’m just thinking.” I said as I placed my hands on his hips, but still didn’t open my eyes knowing it would give me away. I felt his hands on my face. One hand went up to brush across my cheek bone and up to my temple.

“Look at me.” He whispered. I shook my head making him chuckle slightly.

“Baby. Open your eyes. Let me see what’s bothering you.” I slowly opened my eyes to see his smiling face, “There you go. Now what’s wrong?”

“I just feel like something huge is going to happen and I feel helpless. I’ve never felt like something this big is going to happen. The funny thing is, is it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be soon. Like it’s months away.” I explained as I looked up at him.

“And your nightmares are worse.” He said as he closed his eyes. I gave him confused look.

“I haven’t had a nightmare since I started to stay here.” I said as I ran a hand through his hair. He sighed and leaned down more resting his head in my neck.

“Not that you know of.” he said as he sighed into my neck, “You toss and turn and cry in your sleep. You keep mumbling for Brandon to leave Vicki and Tegan alone. You sweat and start to gasp. You rip invisible hands off your neck. I always get you calm down before you wake up. Last night had to have been the worst. I was feeding Aidyn and I made the call to a friend to get the alarm hooked up. I came back in here and you were half way off the bed with tears running down your face mixing with the sweat. I tried for an hour to wake you up, but you just won’t let me even touch you. I took me a while to get you on the bed right and then I laid down with you, with my head on your shoulder. I almost called Matt to come over, but I decided against it.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.” I said with a weak smile. He didn’t pick up his head in fact he just pushed his head farther into my neck. I could feel his breath on my neck making me shiver. I wrapped my arm around him and somehow managed to move us both up on the bed so we were laying on my side of the bed, but I had my head up on my pillow. He moved slightly and laid full on top of me with both hands wrapped them around my back. I wrapped mine around his back after I turned on the baby monitor. I gently ran my hands up and down his back making him sigh.

“You have no idea how much I love you and our kids.” Jimmy spoke softly.

“I think I do.” I said just as softly.

“No. You’ve saved me from myself. You’re the most wonderful mom to my baby girl and you never said “Oh she’s not my kid I’m not going to raise her.”

“I never thought it.” I interrupted. He smiled into my neck before he finished.

“You understand everything I went through and you don’t judge me. You just listen. I was expecting for you to leave me over tour, but you didn’t. Even when I walked out on you. Even when you found me passed out in the alley way. You stuck by me. I pray to god that I can be a good dad to Aidyn.”

“You already are.” I said as I kissed his head, “I thought my son was going to grow up without his dad because he can kill me before he gets his hands anywhere near Aidyn, but you proved me wrong. You’ve been the best dad that anyone can be to a child. I mean both you and Matt pretty much raised me even though you were barely older then me. You were a kid taking care of your best friend’s little sister. I mean you had to look out for me and Tegan when we went to school because Matt didn’t go to the same school until high school. In high school I thought you were going to ditch me, but you didn’t. You stuck by me. When I was in the hospital there was one dream that went through my mind over and over and over again. In the dream I saw you get burned a the stake like a witch and Brandon kept mocking me. Each time I ran near it a 10 foot gate fell from the sky and fell right in front of me. Each time I tried to climb it Brandon grabbed my neck and pulled me back. I would always go back where I started when I heard you scream.”

“That’s why your heart beat would go faster and then slow back down.”

“I guess.” I said as I shrugged my shoulder. He brought his hand up and gently started to rub one spot on my neck. I didn’t realize what he was doing until he groaned slightly and shook his head. Then it hit me. He was tracing one of my scars. He stuck his other arm back underneath me and pulled me closer to his chest. I pushed my hand under his top and started to rub his shoulders. He sighed again and shortly his breathing evened out. I smiled and kissed his head and closed my eyes as well before I fell asleep too,

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“Mama.” I heard as I was shook, “Mama.”

“Umm...Yeah baby?’ I asked as I woke up fully.

“Aidyn’s up and I’m hungry.” Vicki said as she smiled at me, “Why is Daddy laying on you?”

“Mama was thinking and Daddy knew I wasn’t feeling the best so he hugged me, but he fell asleep on me.” I said as I giggled. She giggled as well and pushed her dad over. He fell off of me making me laugh. I got up and walked into the livingroom where Aidyn was playing with his play keys. I checked his diaper to make sure he didn’t need a change before I started lunch. I made just a simple lunch of soup and sandwiches . I got Vicki up at the table eating and got out Aidyn’s food and got him in his high chair. He spit out his food making me gasp at the suddenness of it.

“You like pears. Why aren’t you eating them?” I asked his as I looked at the jar. He gave me a face making me look a t him funny before I got up and got a jar of chicken and mash potatoes. ‘Gross’ I thought as I opened it up and started to feed him again. He smiled and ate half of the jar. I looked over at Vicki as she finished her soup.

“You don’t want your sandwich?”

“No.” She said as she rubbed her eyes. I smiled and told her to wait in the living room for me as I picked Aidyn up. I changed his diaper and walked back into the livingroom to see Vicki laying on her side with her teddy bear under her arm and her pink cherry blossom blanket wrapped around her. She looked at me and I could tell she was miserable. I set Aidyn on the floor and gave him a pair of rubber drum sticks. He started smacking the ground with them making Vicki giggle. I walked back into the kitchen and got out her Motrin and pour a teaspoon of it before getting her a glass of flattened 7up. She got up and ran when she saw what I had. How is she able to run when she’s absolutely miserable? Jimmy walked in a few minutes later with her in his arms.

“Missing someone?”

“Nope. I knew you’d get her or she’d come back for her blanket.” I said as I smiled. He laughed and handed her to me. She struggled for a moment and then settled down. I gave her, her medicine before handing her, her glass of 7up. She drank a bit before smiling. We laughed slightly realizing that she was probably going to drink it too fast. Hopefully not though. Jimmy walked out into the garage and brought in a roll of news paper.

“What’s that?” Vicki asked.

“It’s news paper for a surprise we have.” Jimmy said as he laid out a huge piece of the paper and placed the paints around it with a few cups of water and paint brushes.

“We’re painting?”

“Yes ma’am.” I said as she jumped off of my lap and on to the floor next to Jimmy.

“What color do you want first?”

“Purple!” She yelled making me smile.

“Why not red?” Jimmy asked as he pouted.

“Because purple’s the shit!” She yelled before covering her mouth, “Uncle Synny said it!”

“It’s ok sweetie just don’t say it again.” I said trying to hold in my laughter. She smiled and nodded knowing she wasn’t in any trouble. Jimmy handed her a paint brush with purple paint on the end while I got Aidyn on the floor with us. I took off his clothing and set him next to me on the opposite side of the paper. Jimmy smiled as Aidyn stuck his hand in the red and started to rub it all over the paper. Vicki was running it around in a bunch of circles.

“Do you know what shape that is?” Jimmy asked. She shook her head and looked at him., “It’s a circle.”

“A circle?’

“Yep. It’s a round shape that never ends.” Jimmy said as he smiled.

“Never?”

“Never.” She looked at him in shock before drawing another one.

“Your right daddy!” She cheered. We laughed until I felt something wet run down my face. Jimmy laughed as I looked down at Aidyn who was a mess and looking at his hands like they were aliens.

“Do you think that’s funny?” I asked Jimmy. He nodded before Vicki ran her paint brush down his face. I laughed and painted a quick sketch of a guitar. I let Vicki fill in the blank spots and started to do more colors with Aidyn. By the time we were done our painting was awesome. We had several pictures of the deathbat, one from each member of the family in different colors, a couple of trees, a bunch of circles and hand prints and then a picture of a puppy. Vicki was drawing something that looked freaky. It had black hair and these green eyes and two black lines that looked like fangs. It took me a minute to realize she drew Zacky as a cat. He had a leopard print around him which made me chuckle, knowing it was because of his tattoo. Jimmy got up, with Aidyn still in his arms, as he heard the phone ring.

“Uncle Zacky sure looks pretty.” I said as I looked down.

“He is pwetty!” She exclaim as she drew another person.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s gonna be Uncle John-John.” She said as she painted him next to the tree. I was confused when I saw her painting something else though.

“What’s that?” I asked as I pointed to it.

“Wings. Uncle Dimples said Uncle John-John was a fairy.” I about died laughing.

“Are you going to draw Uncle Dimples, Uncle Synny and daddy too?”

“Yep!” She said as she started drawing a green guy.

“Uncle Dimples?” I asked. She nodded and giggled.

“He’s the Hulk!” She said as she made a face. I laughed and nodded. Sometime later she had all of the members painted in spots. Syn looked pretty cool I must say. He was standing on a cloud with his guitar in hand. Jimmy’s I had to laugh at though. He was standing behind his drum set with a pink fly swatter smacking butterflies.

“Hey you made me!” Jimmy said as he smiled.

“And Uncle John-John too!” She said as she pointed to it. I think it was her favorite one.

“We can’t let Uncle Syn see that one or he’ll let it go to his head.” Jimmy said as he looked at me. I nodded fast before I looked at the clock.

“Why don’t I get them into a bath and you order pizza.” I said as I looked down at Vicki and Aidyn who were covered in paint. He nodded and stood up. I picked both of them up and walked into the bathroom. I set them both on the ground and turned on the water. When it was hot enough I put the plug in and told Vicki to get undressed. She did quickly, wanting to play in the water. I laughed as she stood by the bath with a “Mom I’m ready...god!” look. I picked her up and set her in the bath before taking Aidyn’s diaper off and getting him in there as well, but in his seat. He splashed Vicki. She gasped and pouted her dad's pout.

“No more Aidyn.” I said as I started to wash him up. I got all of the paint off of him and got him out and dried. Jimmy walked in just in time and took him from me.

“Daddy has magic powers.” Vicki said suddenly. I stopped washing her hair and looked down at her.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because he saved me from Liz and he knows when we need him.” She said as if it was nothing, I smiled. I was amazed that she could form that much of a sentence. This girl is way too smart for her own good.

“You’re right. Daddy has powers.” I said smiling. I finished getting her bathed and got her out. I took her in her room where I put on her on her bed and pulled out her pink Small Paul pjs that had little skulls and cross bones on it. I got out her sleep tight diaper type of thing. She was already potty train she just couldn’t wake up during the night. Mama Sullivan said she would work on that while we were gone. I slipped her brown and pink slippers that had a skull on the top of them on her and picked her up. Jimmy was sitting in the livingroom still covered in paint, but now feeding Aidyn.

“Pizza should be here soon.” He said as he made a face at Aidyn. Aidyn giggled and opened his mouth to Jimmy who placed the spoon on his tongue. Aidyn bit down on the spoon making Jimmy fight to get it back. I laughed and placed Vicki on the couch. Jimmy had dressed Aidyn in his baseball footsie pjs that Zacky bought him. I smiled and kissed Jimmy’s cheek making him turn his head and catch my lips. He smiled into it and pulled away.

“Gotcha.” He said into my ear. I smiled knowing it was the first thing he said after he gave me my first kiss. The door bell rung making me stand up and open the door.

“The total is 25.45.” A guy said not looking up.

“Ok here.” I said as I gave him the 40 I had in my hand from the table next to the door.

“Thank you ma’am. Oh My God you’re Fiction which means thins is Rev’s house which means...oh My God!” He said as he pushed my money back to me, “It’s on the house.”

‘Thanks well here keep at least 20. It’s a tip.” I said as I took the pizza and closed the door. I heard him squealing all the way back to his car.

“What was that about?” Jimmy asked with his eyebrow raised.

“Our pizza boy was a fan.” I said as I chuckled. He laughed and nodded before wiping off Aidyn’s face and putting our tired baby in his crib. I grabbed some paper plates and put a piece of pizza on a plate and handed it to Vicki. She said thank you quietly and started to eat it. I got up and put in Nightmare Before Christmas. I ate a few slices of pizza before looking over at Aidyn who was asleep in his crib. Jimmy laid back on the couch putting his legs on either side of me and closed his eyes.

“Baby go take a shower.” I said as I leaned back on his leg that was behind me. He groaned and shook his head. I laughed and sat up before climbing over him so I could look him in the eyes.

“Go take a shower.” I mumbled as I kissed him. He kissed me back for a second before nodding. He got up and slowly walked down the hallway. Vicki yawned which made me laugh slightly. I picked her up and walked into her room. It was about 8 so it was time for her to go to sleep.

“I want to sleep with you guys.” She said as I tucked her in. I nodded and told her to go to my room. I picked Aidyn up out of his crib and carried him and his crib to my room. I set his crib next to my side of the bed and looked over at Vicki who was laying in the middle of the bed on Jimmy’s pillow. Jimmy came out just as I turned our Tv on Fuse.

“There’s a princess in my bed. Did I do something good?” He asked as he sat down on the edge of our bed next to Vicki. She crawled into his lap making him smile. She giggled and kissed his cheek before snuggling into his chest. He smiled and kissed her head and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m gonna get in the shower ok?” I whispered. He heard me and nodded. I turned the water on and stripped before stepping in. I watched as the various colors went down the drain. I washed my hair making black fall down the drain. I laughed as I saw that all of the colors had mixed together in my hair. I felt a hand washing out the back of my hair making me jump. Jimmy laughed before turned me around so the back of my head was at the shower. He washed the back of my hair trying to get out of the paint out. About twenty minutes later his shirt was soaking wet and the paint was out of my hair. I smiled and got out of the shower and took the towel from him and wrapped it around my body. I walked out of the bathroom and into the room, where I pulled out my Deathbat panties and my red boxers followed by my “Show Me Your Tricks and I’ll Show You Treats.” shirt. I picked up a crying Aidyn and climbed into bed with him on my chest.

“I’ll go get him a bottle.” Jimmy said as he walked out of the room. I heard the microwave go off before I saw him walk back in the room. He held his arms out as Vicki snuggled closer to my side. I handed Aidyn to Jimmy, who crawled into bed next to Vicki and fed Aidyn.

“Tomorrow’s going to suck.” He whispered to me looking down at our kids. I nodded, not really having the strength to say anything. I picked Vicki up and laid her on my chest and ran my hand through her hair. I looked up at Jimmy seeing him look down at both of them and then over to me.

“This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.” He said as he wrapped an arm around me. I took the bottle out of his hand and fed Aidyn even though he was still in Jimmy’s arms. Once he was done Jimmy took the bottle from my hand and placed it on the night stand. I rested my head on his chest as he laid down. We had the kids between us slightly while still holding on to them tightly.

“She said you had powers today.” I said as I smiled up at him.

“Why?”

“Because and I quote Because he saved me from Liz and he knows when we need him.” He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. I heard him whisper “I’ll never let anything hurt my princess.” I let a tear fall from my eye, but tried to wipe it away. He caught me and kissed the tear away instead.

“I’ll never let anything hurt my love either.” he said softly was he ran a hand down my face. I smiled and kissed him softly.

“I’ll never let anything hurt my baby or the one man that owns my heart.” I said as I smiled. We both leaned our heads together and put a hand on each others hand that was on the kids. I watched him close his eyes and breath deeply before I closed my eyes as well.