Wreckage From the Past Haunts Me; Shakes Me to the Bone

I watched the empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s spinning around in circles on the floor, hoping it didn’t’ land on me. Of course, luck was not on my side for what seemed like the first time in months, because the opened top pointed to my purple stocking clad legs. Sighing, I ignored the catcalls and whistles from behind me. Not to mention the obscene things that were being shouted at me in Finish.

Näytä heille jotain he eivät unohda

Älä tee mitään, en halua

Hitto. kuka tuo on onnekas

I guess I should explain something before I go on any further. Tonight was the Welcome Home party for The 69 eyes that’s always held at Jussi’s house back in Finland. Of course, parties mean alcohol and alcohol means pointless games drunken twenty-something year-olds play that should be left to teenagers with raging hormones. The game of choice was none-other-than seven minutes in heaven. The twist was that you didn’t get to see who you went in with. I was drunk enough not to care, however I was not to forget about the reason I’m here in the first place.

Jussi. I mentally sighed, not the annoyed sigh or the tired sigh. The amazed sigh that you only make when you look or think about something that truly makes you happy. I won’t say that I love Jussi, because it’s much too soon for that, but I can honestly say that he makes me happy. A lot happier than I’ve been in a while. Jussi was the first man to treat me with respect, the fairy tale man that I thought only existed in, well, fairy tales.

He was a change in scenery for me, a very much needed change. I guess you could say that I inherited a very bad taste of men from my father. It seemed that I only liked them if they got their kicks from throwing me onto the floor and throwing a few punches before passing out. Alex just happened to be the newest to the collection, and the most violent. I looked past it though, which was my number one mistake. I thought that maybe somewhere deep inside he was a good person, I was wrong. That should be the most important thing, if a man needs to beat on a woman to feel strong than he doesn’t have the capacity of being a good person.

Jussi cared for me when he probably shouldn’t have. As corny as it sounds, he healed my physical and emotional wounds. He was the one that taught me my number one rule, the one that made me actually smile. He made me feel safe and never rushed me into anything, and was so patient and understanding. Hell, before we had sex the very first time I had to keep on reassuring him that it was exactly what I wanted. As I said, it was a huge change but one that I love more than ever.

Back to the task on hand, I walked down the hallway of Jussi extravagant house in the direction Reeta had pointed me. Reeta, as I had learned earlier that night, was Jussi’s ex-girlfriend. They were still friendly and just by standing in the room with them for longer than five minutes I knew that she was of no threat to me. She actually seemed like a genuinely nice person, and I couldn’t hold the fact against her that it was her spin that landed the bottle on me.

I was very thankfully that the room I was roughly pushed into by a group of rather touchy men was not a closet. Instead it was a very nice [url=http://www.santorini-homes.com/Sea-Captains-bedroom1.jpg
]bedroom[/url], very modern looking. I wasn’t sure who’s it was, or if it was just a guest bedroom, but it was very beautiful regardless. The room was dark and the only reason I could still see outlines of the bed and dressers was because pale moonlight shone down through the moon roof.

I waited patiently for whoever it was to come in with me, where I had the full intention to tell him I wouldn’t do anything with him. I liked Jussi far too much to let something as stupid as a little game like this to mess it all up. My focus was still straight ahead, trying to decipher more than mere figured from the shadows but having no such luck. My head was still away with thoughts of how my luck had changed and where I was going when hands found their way around my eyes and slowly began moving me toward the bed. Or at least I would assume that was where I was being taken, seeing as my vision was temporally taken away.

“Hey, look. We aren’t going to--”the rest of my sentence was muffled by lips pushing to mine, silencing me for the moment being. For a second my head spun and I felt myself kissing him back, enjoying the feeling of moving lips against my own. It might have been the five shots of Smirnoff I had taken with Timo-Timo and Archie but I wasn’t exactly thinking correctly because I allowed the kiss to go on for about an other minute before I stopped it.

“Whoever you are, you need to stop kissing me,” I tried to weasel out of his grip but his arms were too strongly bound against me, but not in a painful way. “I have someone in my life right now that means a lot to me,” I tired to protest but by the time I was down talking his lips met the base of my neck. He kissed me like he knew exactly what he was doing, exactly where my spot was.

But even that wasn’t enough for me to forget about Jussi. I think I could get amnesia from being smashed in a mosh pit and I would still remember him at first sight. “I mean it! Stop! I can’t do this with you,” I begged and yet he wouldn’t let up his grip. It still wasn’t painful, and not exactly forceful but he was kissing me like this because he didn’t want to give up yet. I was almost certain that if I actually begged him to stop he would without hesitation.

And then it hit me like a freight train, hard an impossible to ignore. The warm feeling in my heart spreading to my head, forcing it to realize what it was trying to tell it all along. I was in love, so much I was blinded by it. Jussi was the first man that ever made me fall for him, and considering my lack of experience with the emotion I didn’t recognize it at first. It wouldn’t leave me now, and I hoped that it never would. I was in love with the way love felt.

“I really can’t do this! I’m…in love, alright? I love this guy and if I do this I wouldn’t just be hurting Jussi I’d be hurting myself too. I can’t lose him, so just stop, please?” I tried again, trying harder this time to pull away.

All movement on his part ceased and I could feel him intake a deep breathe before speaking again, in an all too familiar voice. “You love me?”

How could I not guess that before? How could I not recognize the way he kissed me or the cologne he wore, or even the way his arms felt wrapped against my waist. “Jussi?!?” Confused, I asked, double-checking what I already knew was right.

“Yeah, it’s me Raynee. Is…what you said true?” He didn’t miss a beat with his words, but he seemed slightly nervous now. And I prayed to every god I could think of that it wasn’t because of what he said, but more than anything I prayed for anything but rejection. Because being rejected by Jussi could quite possibly be a fate worse than death at the moment.

“Yes,” I mumbled, almost inaudible. The breath caught in my throat and I peered up at him, suddenly able to see the contours of his face in the moonlight.

“I love you too, Raynee,” he whispered back almost just as low. But I couldn’t have heard it better if he had screamed it at the top of his lungs. The words floated in the air and I sucked them in with one large intake before I did the only sensible thing in this situation. I pushed my lips to his with force and re-wrapped my arms around his neck.

He didn’t hesitate to kiss me back and once again began to lower me onto the silken soft bed. He didn’t have to ask whether or not it was okay when he hand made a slow trail down the side of my body to reach behind my back and began to unlace the purple silk thread that held my corset in place. I didn’t have to ask to push the leather jacket off of his body to expose his well-developed torso.

No words needed to be spoken to understand what was going on right now. Our bodies, as well as our minds, were well in sync and predicted every move we made that night. And for the first time it wouldn’t be just sex. Jussi and I would be making love., something I had only watched in movie until I met my dark knight with spiked hair and combat boots.