Letters From a Stranger

Before I walked into the attic I went into my room and grabbed my iPod. Along with that I grabbed my headphones and armband. Grabbing a water from the mini-fridge John put in my room just a month ago, I walked out of my room and closed the door. I wouldn't take any chances of John coming home early from playing golf. And if memory serves me right, which it always do. Mom said he was with Josh which means he'll want to shower when they get here. And I don't know why but I get this odd feeling when ever I'm near the bastard. So I just closed my door and they knew what that meant. Leave me alone. I walked into the inferno, aka, the attic. God the minute I walked in there I started to sweat like I'd been working out for two hours. Maybe John was right, maybe I was getting fat. Eh who cares I'm eating healthy and I'm exercising. Not much more I can do.

As I walked back over to my corner I was working in before Mom and I took a break. I cleaned out the rest of the attic, sweeping some of the dirt and dust that had collected there. As I looked through some of the boxes and threw some of the stuff out, that didn't look important. Or some of the stuff that we had the updated versions of. After clearing out at least three boxes of junk, and worthless crap. I began to move the boxes that were empty, and turned up my iPod as my favorite song came on. I hummed the tune to Kenny Chesney's "Who You'd Be Today."

"It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?"

I sang the words as I moved around the attic. Mom always told me that I had the voice of an angel, she always got sad when I would sing. So I stopped singing, because I hated to see my Mother sad. I never in my life questioned why she got sad when I sang. I just assumed it was because she was jealous. Much to the liking of John, he hated when I sang. He always told me that I would never amount to anything in the music career. That was my dream, becoming a singer. John squashed that dream the minute he found out about it. He told me that I was tone deaf, and couldn't carry a note to save my life. Oh well he was probably right.

I was going through some boxes throwing some of the random stuff out. I moved a number of boxes till one in general caught my eye. Lex's Box! Who the hell? It was written bright green, more than likely lime green, prement marker. Who was this 'Lex' dude? It was in my Mom's hand writing. The dust on that box made it looked like it hasn't been touched in ages, like years. Little did I know that box hasn't been touched in seventeen years. I stood over the box and tried to pry the tape off that box. I tried my hardest and ended landing on my ass more than once. Finally the tape gave in and I silently thanked God.

"OK 'Lex' let's find out who you are." I said, turning off my iPod.

As I searched through that box something in my mind kept telling me stop. Me being me ignored the voices in my head yelling stop. Till this day I wished I listened to them. I searched through everything in that box and found something that caught my eyes for the second time that day. Notes! The shoe box read. It was in Mom's neat handwriting, and underlined. I knew it had to be important, to this day she only underlines important things. The shoe box was over flowing with notes, it was only my best interest to look at it. I mean what if my Mom was cheating on John. I smiled a big smile and just had to check this out now. I threw the top off and just stared at the box in aw.

Letters from the same person named 'Lex.' Oh man my Mom was cheating on my step-father. This day just couldn't get any better. I looked through out the letters and saw something that had my name written on it. It was a letter that had a crib drawn on the front and a baby in what looked like my Mom's arms. Aw! I opened the letter, hey it did have my name on it.

"Hey Jamie!

I'm going to miss saying that everyday. I'm going to miss you baby girl, my only daughter, my only child. God I still can't get over that. I'm a father, a daddy, a Dada. The many things you could call me! Old man, Dad, Dada, Daddy... the list goes on Jam-Jam. I remember when you come home from the hospital in your Mom's arms. I cried so hard that Mom had to take you away from me. You know what Jam-Jam I love you so much! God you've been home for two months now. Wow I can't believe its been two months, since your Mom woke me up in the middle of the night. Two months since October 9th. Two months Jam-Jam. That's along time right? Wow! OK enough of that now lets get on to the important things.

Well let me start off by saying that you mean sodamn dang much. I know that I'll be gone for awhile, but hey don't worry Daddy will be back in time. You know that I love you right? I mean that's why I'm doing this, because I love you. I'd die for you Jam-Jam. Wow that's a little over the top to write to your two month old daughter right? Well I'll tell you something simple than, something you hear everyday. We love you lots. I mean I'm pretty sure I love more, but don't tell Mom. Baby girl will you do me a favor and never grow up? I mean I want to come home and still have to complain about never getting any sleep, because my daughter(still sounds funny coming from my mouth, let alone writing it.) won't sleep. I want to come home and hear your first words. Which I pray are going to be Dada. They better be little Missy. Just kiddin' Jam-Jam.

You know why I call you Jam-Jam don't you? If not let me tell you why, but I can't because that would make this letter so much longer. And I forget that Mom would have to read this to you, while I'm gone. Better yet I should record what I'm writing that way you never forget what Daddy sounds like. I'm a genius aren't I Jamie. OK..OK not that much of genius, but I can dream can't I. That brings me to another topic, if I don't make it back. Which I will don't fret. Dream Jamie! Dream big...bigger than you can think of. Because what ever you put your mind to I promise you'll make it. The real reason I'm writing this letter is because saying good bye is so much harder in person. And I just wanted to tell my Jam-Jam that I'll be back in time. I wanted to tell my Jam-Jam that I love her, and I'll be back. I know I keep repeating that but it's important that I stress that I will be back Jamie. Because I won't leave you, I promise.

If I could I would tell my boss to shove this job up hisass butt. I'd tell him that I'm not leaving to go to any damn war. I'm staying right here with my Jam-Jam. Because I want to be that crazy Father that drives his teenager up the wall. I want to bet that crazy Dad that cries when his little angel leaves the house for her dates. Or cries when she gets all glammed up for the senior prom. I just want you to know that you are the most beautiful girl in this world. And I'm glad that I can call you my daughter. I already know that when you get already you'll be that girl that breaks all the hearts. I just wanted to let you know that I will be showing you off to my fellow soldiers. How could I not? I have the cutesiest baby in the whole world!

Well I gotta go Jamie. Promise me...please promise me..." I strained my eyes to see the rest it had been smudge with what I can only assumed to be his tear drops. Mine were flowing like a water fall, staining the letter my father wrote me. "...that you'll never grow up and stay a baby forever. I don't want you to grow up and date boys. I don't want to be the crazy the father that cries his eyes out every time his daughter leave on a date. But chances are I'll be that father and I...well I'll save this conversation for when I get home. Love you lots Jam-Jam.

XOXO(times a infinity and three),
Daddy.

As I finished the letter I heard the car doors slam and the alarm sound. I grabbed all of my stuff and the box full of notes and ran out of the attic. Wiping away my tears.