"Love is Like A Glass Door..."

His eyes are what drew me to him first. His bright, hazel eyes and his messy, dark brown hair. And his smile. His lopsided smile with a missing front tooth was warm and inviting. I remember the first time I ever saw him- it was a long, long time ago. He was working by himself on a model airplane, Elmer's Glue smeared all over his hands and his open red flannel shirt that was rolled up to his elbows. He caught me looking over at him- his glasses near to falling off, they were so close to the tip of his nose- and he directed his one-of-a-kind smile towards me and asked, "Would you like to help?" I was cautious to approach him. All of the older camp boys were just so mean to me, but when I saw that he meant no harm, I eagerly ran to his side. "I'm Connor," he said, extending a hand, sticky with glue, towards me. I grinned widely, shook it and replied, "Kevin."

I quickly grew to be his shadow, and was around him as much as possible. He didn't seem to mind. We were swimming buddies and hiking buddies and shared a bunk-bed and traded lunches and played chess and cards and sat next to each other at the campfires and colored in coloring books together, climbed trees together, we did virtually everything together. It was the first time in my life (back then I was eight) that someone treated me as an equal. Connor was the one that managed to get me out when they locked me in the bathrooms and left me banging on the door for hours. He was the one that shared his s'more with me at the campfire one night when the bullies kicked mine into the sand. And he was the one that found me out on the porch of the cabin we shared with four others, crying. He was the one that told me, "Don't let them get to you. They're nothing but bullies, and that's all they know, to hurt and cause pain. They're stupid, and worse yet, they're only nine-year-olds - not months ago they were your age. You're smarter. You have better sense. You'll get farther when you grow up, like my mom always said. And one day, when we're all grown up, they'll all come back to you; they'll want you to forgive them for always being so mean to you. They'll look up to you. Heck, they might even work for you. And, you know what? I'll be right there, by your side, telling you, 'I told you so'." Connor was the one that made me believe. He was the one that made me see that I could do it, and that I could dream, and that I would achieve.

Connor McPhearson was my first love.

***

As if on cue, my eyes fluttered opened. I found that I was strewn out on the plush couch of the den of the house we were renting out in Kotka, Finland, the fireplace crackling somewhere behind me. My heart was beating tremendously fast and my hands were shaking as the past hit me with full force.

I knew it.

I finally knew it! Finally, months of endless, sleepless nights are finally given an answer to. I run a hand tiredly through my hair as I stare at the ceiling. I didn't feel any different; excited, a little anxious, but nothing else. As I straightened up on the couch, my blackberry fell out from my pocket and landed on the blue shag rug. Impulsively, I snatch it from the ground. I check if he's called me back yet. No. I dialed his number for the trillionth time. After about the eighth ring it goes to the machine- but I can't leave a message because his inbox is filled. With my messages. I sighed disappointedly and let my phone slide from my hand and fall back onto the floor. I rub my eyes vexedly. I wanted- no, needed to talk to Connor. I wanted to rid of the smoky feelings we had between each other and make it clear: I remember you, Connor. I remember you, and my feelings haven't changed in the slightest.

***

Padded footsteps coming down the stairwell reached my ears.

"Hey, Kevin, I've been looking around for my pink Keds, have you seen them?- Kevin!" There was a surprised concern in Joe's voice as he saw my lying there. He ran down the rest of the stairs. "Are you okay?!"

"Y-yeah. I think so." My voice was shaky and gave my anxiety away.

"No, you're not. What's wrong?" he pressed as he sat on the arm of the couch. He was dressed in a pink-and-white pinstripe button down dress shirt and some dark skinny jeans, and a caddy hat.

"My God," I said suddenly, "I remember that lunch box- that stupid little metal Batman lunch box I used to carry around everywhere- remember it?"

"What? Kevin, what are you talking about?"

Someone called from upstairs. "Joe! Have you found them yet?" It was Violet, Joe's girlfriend, and she sounded impatient. Joe turned to the direction of her voice.

"The lunch box!" I insisted. "Forget it," I said when I saw that he still didn't know what the hell I was talking about. "...Remember that time I went to camp? When I was eight?"

"Oh, yeah," he said. Then, smiling bemusedly, he told me, "You hated it." Can there be a bigger understatement?

"Yeah... uh, I did..." I took a deep breath. "I met Connor there."

'Astonished' could not begin to describe the expression that crossed his face when I told him this. "Connor? Penny's Connor?"

"The very one." I paused. "He..." there was a lump at the back of my throat. I coughed and tried again. "He was my-"

A knock came from the side door, the one that was allowed access from the den to the driveway outside. Joe straightened up and walked to open it.

A girl, lugging a suitcase in each hand, dropped her apparel and launched herself at him. "Oh, Joeee!" her familiar voice squealed. I sat up immediately and twisted around to look and see who it was. My voice caught in my throat as I saw her long, dark brown hair and her heart-shaped face. "Where is your brother-" she cut herself off as she saw me there. "KEVIN!" she cried out and rushed over to me, wrapping her arms tightly around me, pressing all of her love and affection in that one hug.

"Danielle..." I smiled weakly.