If I Only Had the Heart

“For the last time, yes. I swear, I won’t say a word. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you Gerard.” Hayley spoke truthfully. Although he seems to be madly in love with Mikey, she still liked Gerard a lot and wouldn’t do that to him. It had been two weeks since the whole… kiss thing and Gerard had been antsy as hell.

Frank wasn’t mad about the kiss. He saw it coming and he was glad it happened now and not later on throughout their relationship. But he knew it was bound to happen soon, I mean who wouldn’t want those sexy lips of Gerard’s? Plus it was obvious deep down in there Mikey and Gerard both pined for each other. This whole relationship was getting even more twisted by the day. Gerard had started being nice to him seeing how he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Frank’s parents had decided to just bring his cousin out here.

Oh yes, what had started all of this commotion was coming to stay with him for the remainder of the school year. Frank’s aunt had been sent to rehab for alcohol addiction. She had started drinking heavily when her husband died. Zack wasn’t eighteen yet so he had to stay with them. They were going to just move out to California with him until Frank practically admitted he’d commit suicide if they made him leave. His parents -- or mom and step-father, didn’t believe a word he said but decided to stay anyway and just bring Zack out here.

Thus Zachary James Baker enters the picture on a surprisingly sunny day in mid February. He was sitting next to his cousin in the house of some guy whom he didn’t know. That guy was scolding this red head across from him and his cousin was feeling up another young kid who looked like the guy across from him but with brown hair. He assumed they were brothers, if not that then they must be related in some kind of way.

“Zacky?” he was pulled out of his own thoughts when someone called his name. He turned his attention to Frank who had called him a name he hadn’t heard in years. Yeah sure it was his name with a ‘y’ attached to it but he still wasn’t used to it. “Yeah, that’s Hayley and that’s Gerard and this is his brother Mikey.” he gestured to everyone as he introduced them.

“And are you two…?” Zacky couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t want to come off as rude but if he did, who gives a fuck? In a little more than nine months he’ll be out of here anyway. Nine. Whole. Months. Both Frank and Mikey nodded and Zacky could’ve sworn he heard that kids older brother make some type of noise. “Okay…” was all he said. He didn’t really know how to respond. Was he supposed to be excited? Maybe he should say ‘That’s great because I’m gay too!’ But that wasn’t completely true.

Zacky was in a situation similar to Mikey’s except he didn’t have a brother who was trying to jump his bones every time his boyfriend wasn’t around. There was this guy back in California, Brian, whom he would’ve jumped off of the face of the Earth for. But that’s all over now. Because he’s thousands of miles away from his love in fucking New Jersey where he’s freezing his ass off. ‘Nine months’ he kept telling himself. Nine moths until he saw the only person he loved other than his mother.

“You guys look scarily alike, are you sure you aren’t brothers or something?” Hayley asked. She was watching the facial expressions Zacky made as he talked and they looked eerily similar to Frank’s. He and Frank shook their heads at the exact same time which made Hayley laugh. “I’m not an Iero” Zacky snorted.

“Yeah which means he doesn’t get the awesome good looks we have,” Frank boastfully waved his hands in the air. It was Gerard’s turn to grunt this time. The air between Frank and Gerard had been somewhat clear for the past couple of days but he just couldn’t help it. Frank was so conceited and in the worst way.

“Haha, yeah you’re cute,” Hayley laughed and Frank boasted some more “But your cousin’s cuter.” Gerard’s mouth dropped at her statement. He’ll admit that he agreed 100% with her statement, he actually thought Zacky was absolutely gorgeous but he was just stunned. Just two days ago Hayley was madly in love with him. What the hell happened? This attractive boy waltzes his ass in here from California and suddenly he’s last weeks news? Oh no. He was not letting this happen.

“Uh, thanks” Zacky smiled and to his surprise it wasn’t a fake smile either. He actually liked the reaction he got from that Gerard guy. Maybe he could have a little fun while he was stuck out here after all. But first things first. He needs to set her straight. “But I’m gay”

“Oh no worries.” Hayley continued smiling “Almost every guy I like is.” she glanced at Gerard before laughing to herself. Boy does she know how to pick them? She’ll just have to work harder for this one. “That never stops me though.”

That pushed him over the edge. Gerard had just had about enough of this, “I’m going for a smoke.” he stated standing up and making his way to the front door. His smoking has gotten worse over the past two weeks but he really couldn’t give a fuck.

Zacky thought of this as his chance “I’ll come with you!” he stood also.

“You smoke?!” Frank gasped unbelievingly. Zacky just nodded and followed Gerard out of the house into the crisp winter air. Frank kind of just sat there dumbfounded while Mikey tried his best to shoo Hayley. He was tired of being in his room almost all the time. Especially when his parents were there and Frank wasn’t…

Outside Gerard and Zacky were wandering down the street in no actual direction, slowly killing themselves. “So what grade are you in?” Gerard decided to start small talk. He was slightly intrigued by the guy and wanted to know more about him.

“I’m a senior.” Zacky spoke fast and kept eye contact the entire time they were together. He reminded Gerard so much of Frank, it was almost scary. “You?”

“Same here. I cant wait either, the sooner we graduate the better. Plus I‘ll already be eighteen so I can move out.” Gerard tried to focus his attention on something other than Zacky which was fairly hard since they had stopped walking somehow and were inching closer to each other by the second.

“Sweet. I have a feeling I might just have to commit suicide before I can leave. Frank’s a pain in the ass.” Zacky brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled. Gerard rolled his eyes knowingly. “How long have you known the little pest?” he asked. Zacky loved his cousin -- like a cousin should, but everyone (except Mikey) knows how annoying Frank can be.

“It’ll be ten years next month.” Gerard squinted his eyes while he spoke exhaling a puff of smoke periodically as he did. “And a long ten years it’s been…”

“So Gerard…” Zacky didn’t know how to put this. Hayley had hinted earlier that Gerard was gay but he wasn’t completely sure and he didn’t want to start doing all of this work for no reason. “Hayley… is she your girlfriend or something?”

Gerard’s eyes damn near popped out of his head. “What?! No! I mean, dude were just friends…” he shook his head feverishly as he spoke “I kind of like this other guy…” he admitted honestly.

“So you’re gay?” Zacky inquired.

“No. I’m bi, but at the moment I’m leaning more towards guys than girls.” he dropped the butt on the ground stepping on it. “You know what I mean?” he put on the biggest most seductive grin he could muster up at this time.

Zacky nodded, he was starting to like him already. “I know exactly what you mean.” he couldn’t believe he was actually getting flustered and lightheaded by this guy. He’s known him for what, thirty minutes? What the hell is happening here?

“Zack!” Frank’s mother called from her porch, apparently they hadn’t walked to far. “Do you mind getting Frank for me? I need to talk to you two and he’s not answering his phone!” she held her phone in the air, as if he could see the screen. That was pretty usual of Frank. He never answered his phone when ‘Mom’ popped up. Her name was only in his phone because he couldn’t remember it to save his life. Zacky nodded, “Thank you! Hey Gerard, I didn’t see you there!” she waved before stepping back inside.

They walked back to Gerard’s house in silence. As soon as Gerard unlocked the door they were met with screams and pillows being thrown in different directions. “What the hell is going on in here?” Gerard demanded.

“It’s that freaky friend of yours! She’s a fucking pervert she kept trying to like get us to jack each other off!” Mikey yelled pointing at Hayley who was as red as a tomato now. “Where the hell did you find her?”

“Oh shut up! It’s not my fault that I find guys making out seriously hot!” Hayley threw another pillow at Mikey, knocking the glasses right off his face and stumbling into the kitchen.

“Okay… Well your mom wants you, well us.” Zacky pointed at Frank. “She said she’s been calling you but you weren’t answering.”

“I told you something was vibrating.” Mikey whispered into his boyfriends ear.

“Well sorry, I thought you just felt me shaking in fear from that psychotic chick Gerard has befriended.” Frank glared towards the kitchen and stood up. “Come on Zacky. We’ll see you guys later.” he spoke fast while pulling Zacky towards the door, Gerard following close behind to lock the door after them.

“Where are those two going?” Hayley stepped into the room, hiding something behind her back. Both Gerard and Mikey ignored it and shrugged. “Oh well I guess I’ll get going too.” she smirked before striding to the door and stepping out. “You two be good now.” she pulled the door behind her but before she could even get it closed it was slammed shut by Gerard.