Real Boys Kiss Boys
Finally: the acces
After a while I lay down on the sidewalk looking into the starlit sky. It´s cold on the back – but I don´t care. I just want to lay right here and just staring into the sky, to watch all the stars.
I fucking love Gerard. I can´t help it. I don´t want to love him – since I realized I love him all the problems flew to me and I had bad luck every fucking day ...
No .. that´s not true! I lie to myself! Woah ... I´m a fucking liar! I was happy with Gerard!
I LOVE HIM
... Alicia saw us kissing ...
Alicia is to blame for all that!!! She babbled and told everyone what she had seen.
I could kill her!
Not Gee ... I could kill Alicia ...
I really freeze my ass of here. I stand up, rubbing my hands and look to the stars.
“wish me good luck...” I whisper and walk down the street.
[ in front of the way house ]
I throw a stone. It hits the window. Fuck, he´s got a deep sleep. I throw another stone and it hits the window. I stand in the garden with sagging shoulders. Please Gee, woke up!
I look at the rainwater gutter and rise an eyebrow.
Damn, I dont want to – but I have to climb up to the window if Gerard wouldn´t wake up. I take a deep breath and walk over to the rainwater gutter.
[ 5 minutes later ]
I knock on the cold window pane. “Gerard?” I whisper.
No answer.
“Gerard?” I whisper again louder.
Silence. Fuck! I knock on the pane again but harder than the first time.
Suddenly the window is opened.
“WoAH!” I cling fast to the gutter and close my eyes hoping not to fall down to the ground.
“Frank?”
I open my eyes.
“what are you doing?” Gerard asks holding a hand out.
“Come in, you can´t hang at my gutter all night, ya know?”
I take his hand and he leads me in.
Finally we stand in his bedroom.
“What are you doing here? It´s 3:47 a.m.” Gerard says with a look at his alarm clock.
“yeah ... I ... I just want to to know ... that ...” I begin.
“Frank?” Gerard looks at me questioning.
I look up, straight into his beautiful eyes. They are filled with tears.
“Do you still love me?” he wants to know.
I gulp. I shake my head.
“Gerard .. I ... of course I love you!” I jump into him and I feel is nearness and it feels fucking good!
“I didn´t mean what I said ... I was ...” I stutter.
“First I was shocked ... but then I knew you didn´t mean to hurt me.” Gerard whispers into my ear and strokes my hair.
“I love you ... and you shouldn´t feel ashamed for being gay or for being together with me ...”
“But Ray ... and ... I don´t feel ashamed for being with you .. I just ...” I don´t know what I wanna say...
“Forget about Ray!” Gerard says angrily.
I shake my head.
“yes, Frankie. If he´s a real friend he ´ll understand us. It was the wrong way for him to notice we both are gay. It was like a shock for him ... He´ll consumes time ...”
“Do you think he´ll understand us and he´ll be still our friend?” I ask.
“yes ... definitely.” Gerard kisses my forehead and smiles at me.
“let´s get some sleep.” He whispers and leads me to his bed.
After a few minutes I fall into a deeeeeep sleep.
I fucking love Gerard. I can´t help it. I don´t want to love him – since I realized I love him all the problems flew to me and I had bad luck every fucking day ...
No .. that´s not true! I lie to myself! Woah ... I´m a fucking liar! I was happy with Gerard!
I LOVE HIM
... Alicia saw us kissing ...
Alicia is to blame for all that!!! She babbled and told everyone what she had seen.
I could kill her!
Not Gee ... I could kill Alicia ...
I really freeze my ass of here. I stand up, rubbing my hands and look to the stars.
“wish me good luck...” I whisper and walk down the street.
[ in front of the way house ]
I throw a stone. It hits the window. Fuck, he´s got a deep sleep. I throw another stone and it hits the window. I stand in the garden with sagging shoulders. Please Gee, woke up!
I look at the rainwater gutter and rise an eyebrow.
Damn, I dont want to – but I have to climb up to the window if Gerard wouldn´t wake up. I take a deep breath and walk over to the rainwater gutter.
[ 5 minutes later ]
I knock on the cold window pane. “Gerard?” I whisper.
No answer.
“Gerard?” I whisper again louder.
Silence. Fuck! I knock on the pane again but harder than the first time.
Suddenly the window is opened.
“WoAH!” I cling fast to the gutter and close my eyes hoping not to fall down to the ground.
“Frank?”
I open my eyes.
“what are you doing?” Gerard asks holding a hand out.
“Come in, you can´t hang at my gutter all night, ya know?”
I take his hand and he leads me in.
Finally we stand in his bedroom.
“What are you doing here? It´s 3:47 a.m.” Gerard says with a look at his alarm clock.
“yeah ... I ... I just want to to know ... that ...” I begin.
“Frank?” Gerard looks at me questioning.
I look up, straight into his beautiful eyes. They are filled with tears.
“Do you still love me?” he wants to know.
I gulp. I shake my head.
“Gerard .. I ... of course I love you!” I jump into him and I feel is nearness and it feels fucking good!
“I didn´t mean what I said ... I was ...” I stutter.
“First I was shocked ... but then I knew you didn´t mean to hurt me.” Gerard whispers into my ear and strokes my hair.
“I love you ... and you shouldn´t feel ashamed for being gay or for being together with me ...”
“But Ray ... and ... I don´t feel ashamed for being with you .. I just ...” I don´t know what I wanna say...
“Forget about Ray!” Gerard says angrily.
I shake my head.
“yes, Frankie. If he´s a real friend he ´ll understand us. It was the wrong way for him to notice we both are gay. It was like a shock for him ... He´ll consumes time ...”
“Do you think he´ll understand us and he´ll be still our friend?” I ask.
“yes ... definitely.” Gerard kisses my forehead and smiles at me.
“let´s get some sleep.” He whispers and leads me to his bed.
After a few minutes I fall into a deeeeeep sleep.