Spike Me and Save Me
Could It Be Any Harder
Gerard’s P.O.V.
Ray didn’t let go until Mikey spoke.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asked. His voice was shivering. Every word was filled with sadness, which hit my heart like daggers. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” He was now yelling. He got up from his seat and went to stand in front of me. His walk was wobbly, but he steered determinately. He stood within a foot of me, and stared me straight in the eyes. His eyes were clear, the skin around them red and his cheeks were still soaked through.
“I’m…”
“Don’t! Don’t say you’re sorry!” he screamed. Tears were streaming again. I brought up my arms slightly to hug him, but he flinched and I stopped. His lips were quivering.
“Mikey, please…”
“Gee!” he shrieked. His lips were quivering every time he held them together. They even quivered a bit when they were apart. “I can’t…” he said, before he evaded my arms and eyes, and walked past me out the door. I was frozen for a bit, shocked by his reaction, before I snapped out of it and followed behind him. By the time I got outside he was already in the car. It was pouring down.
“Mikey!” I yelled after him as I went up to the driver seat window. I could barely see him through the water stained window. I was about to knock on the window, when the engine turned on. I grabbed for the door handle, but the car took off before I got a grip. I watched the car drive off through the mud, as I felt large raindrops fall down on me. I felt them roll down my face and soak through my already wet sweater. My hair was clinging to my face, when I turned around and headed back for the bus. Ray was standing in the doorway with his head sticking out.
“Get in here. Come on”, he said. Why? I’m already sick, right? How could I get any sicker?
I sat down on the couch in the living area, as Ray wrapped a blanket around me. He seemed nervous – as if I would break at any moment. As if I were to fall onto the floor and break into a million pieces. Bob brought me a cup of coffee, and for the first time today, I saw his face. He was calm. Sad, but calm. He wasn’t hysterical like the others. He didn’t seem afraid of what this whole thing meant – what it might bring. It calmed me too. He’s leaving out the bad. He isn’t thinking about the negative, he’s thinking about the positive.
Or was he thinking about it at all? Was he denying it?
Ray didn’t let go until Mikey spoke.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asked. His voice was shivering. Every word was filled with sadness, which hit my heart like daggers. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” He was now yelling. He got up from his seat and went to stand in front of me. His walk was wobbly, but he steered determinately. He stood within a foot of me, and stared me straight in the eyes. His eyes were clear, the skin around them red and his cheeks were still soaked through.
“I’m…”
“Don’t! Don’t say you’re sorry!” he screamed. Tears were streaming again. I brought up my arms slightly to hug him, but he flinched and I stopped. His lips were quivering.
“Mikey, please…”
“Gee!” he shrieked. His lips were quivering every time he held them together. They even quivered a bit when they were apart. “I can’t…” he said, before he evaded my arms and eyes, and walked past me out the door. I was frozen for a bit, shocked by his reaction, before I snapped out of it and followed behind him. By the time I got outside he was already in the car. It was pouring down.
“Mikey!” I yelled after him as I went up to the driver seat window. I could barely see him through the water stained window. I was about to knock on the window, when the engine turned on. I grabbed for the door handle, but the car took off before I got a grip. I watched the car drive off through the mud, as I felt large raindrops fall down on me. I felt them roll down my face and soak through my already wet sweater. My hair was clinging to my face, when I turned around and headed back for the bus. Ray was standing in the doorway with his head sticking out.
“Get in here. Come on”, he said. Why? I’m already sick, right? How could I get any sicker?
I sat down on the couch in the living area, as Ray wrapped a blanket around me. He seemed nervous – as if I would break at any moment. As if I were to fall onto the floor and break into a million pieces. Bob brought me a cup of coffee, and for the first time today, I saw his face. He was calm. Sad, but calm. He wasn’t hysterical like the others. He didn’t seem afraid of what this whole thing meant – what it might bring. It calmed me too. He’s leaving out the bad. He isn’t thinking about the negative, he’s thinking about the positive.
Or was he thinking about it at all? Was he denying it?