Spike Me and Save Me

Gerard’s P.O.V.

When I entered the recording studio entrance, I sighed in relief of the fact that no one saw me – that no crazy fan-girl had attacked me on the way from the parking lot. When I walked in though, the girl behind the counter seemed more than just generally happy when she saw me. Her black hair was slicked over her left eye, her clothes mainly black and red colours, her nails black – she fitted well behind that desk. I gave her a kind smile as I asked where Brian Schechter had reserved a studio. My smile widened when she simply answered my question, and didn’t continue with an elaborate description of how the band changed her life. I don’t mind those speeches, but a simple smile is just as valuable.
When I turned the first corner of the hall, the first thing I saw was Brian walking towards me. I smiled instinctively and waved my hand at him, but he was too busy staring at his phone to notice me. It wasn’t until I was about 1½ foot away from him that he seemed to notice he was about to run in to someone. When he lifted his head he had an apologetic look on it, but as soon as he saw it was me his face turned into something more familiar.

“Hey, man!” he said loudly, while a wide smile appeared on his face. His voice rung through the hall, but was quickly absorbed by the red carpet. He brought his arms up and wrapped them around me.

“Hey,” I said a little less audible and hugged him back. It was only a short embrace, but I enjoyed his strong squeeze of friendship before he let go.

“Sorry, but I just have to make a phone call,” he said, while pointing at his phone. “It’ll only take a few minutes. Just go in to the studio. It’s the next door.” He pointed towards one of the black doors with golden numbers on them. “It was the only studio available, but none of you guys seem too superstitious, so I went ahead and booked it.” I laughed under my breath and smiled at him before he disappeared behind me. I knew he would be gone for a while. To him phone calls always took several minutes – especially the ones that ‘only took a few minutes’.
I walked up to the black door, glanced at the golden ‘13’ before I grabbed the handle and opened the door.

Frank’s P.O.V.

I was sitting alone in the studio, waiting for the other guys to get there. I was usually never the first to arrive, but I guess the desire to see Gerard again was too great to be late for. I was anxious to make up with him. Even though we might not get what we had before his sudden wedding, I was more than happy to just be able to regain my friendship with him. He was one of my best friends – if not the best – so I was ready to do anything to get him back. I knew I was wrong in not telling him about the ring. He was my best friend – he should have known. Yet then again, I hadn’t told anyone – no one knew. Not even my parents knew anything of this ring’s existence. Only me, my wallet and the saleswoman knew the ring had even been in my hands. I didn’t know why I hadn’t told anyone. I guess I had just convinced myself that it was and would always be my decision whether I would use it or not.
The door handle creaking brought me out of my trail of thought, and I lifted my head to meet whoever entered. At first I was smiling, but as soon as I saw Gerard’s face, my smile quickly faded. I felt my chest tighten, partially because of old pain and regret, but also because of fear. Is he still mad?

Gerard’s P.O.V.

I snapped out of my state of shock and stepped into the room. I jumped slightly when the door slammed shut behind me. I was shocked to see him again – he had changed. His hair was longer. His clothes were brighter – only his jeans and his scarf were black. I felt…regret. I regretted that I had left him – that I had shut him out for so long. It had only been two months, but it was long enough for everything to change. I’ve missed you so much.
I walked across the room, while I stared at my shoes to avoid his eyes. My walk of shame was short, but painful. I had hurt him. I knew that. Ray had told me. He was sad, and it had all been my fault. I hadn’t started regretting my words and actions until two days after the tour ended, but by then it all came at once. I had regretted everything. I wanted to take back all of my words. Ray had told me how hurt Frank had been, and it had stained so bad knowing it was my fault. I hadn’t regretted the marriage though. Even though I only saw Lynn-Z a week over Christmas, I still loved her company, love and devotion. She was beautiful, hot, deep, loving, caring and funny. I loved her so much, but no matter how big a part of my life she had become, she still didn’t fill the hole in my heart that Frank had caused. I might have hurt him, but he had hurt me as well. When I found the ring, I felt betrayed – betrayed by the fact that he hadn’t trusted me. Betrayal was part of the hurt, but the bigger part was loneliness. I had never felt more alone in my life, than at that moment when I found the ring.

“Hey,” Frank said – barely audible – as I sat down in the chair next to him. I stared at my fingers and I folded them up on the table in front of me.

“Hey,” I said back – equally as low. I started repeating my prepared apology in my head. I had rehearsed it ever since Mikey had told me about the planned band gathering. After repeating it about five times, I finally raised my head to look him in the eye – only his eyes were not looking at me, but at his scarf, which he was fiddling with on his chest. He was leaning back in the black plastic chair, and had both his hands resting on his chest. He had a thoughtful expression on his face – his eyebrows wrinkled and lips tightly pressed together – yet his eyes were filled with hurt and sadness. I had to rid that.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. His eyes left his scarf, but only to look at my hands. I took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. My own sadness pressed itself up from beneath my heart and made itself very audible in my voice. This brought Frank to lift his head and have his gorgeous eyes meet mine. I enjoyed them for a second – enjoyed seeing them again – before I took a quick, yet deep breath.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to,” I continued. Cause you pain.
“I never meant to cause you pain. I would never have reacted the way I did, if I had known the consequences.” I’ve missed you.
“I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry,” I whispered – my voice nearly breaking with sadness. A tear was caught at the edge of my eye, but I didn’t want blink it away – I didn’t want to lose the wonderful sight of Frank, even for a second.

“I’m sorry I never told you,” Frank said. His eyes were red, but no tears had escaped them.
“I need you to understand that I’ve always trusted you – always. I never told anyone about the ring. I wanted to, but…” He paused. He looked down at his hand, which were both splayed out on the table. He took a deep breath before he lifted his head and regained eye contact with me.
“I didn’t know what to do,” he said softly. I wrinkled my eyebrows, but kept my eyes understanding and supporting. He licked his lips.
“It was my decision to make – no one else’s.” He shook his head lightly from side to side, but kept looking me intensely in the eyes – tears rimming the edges. “And I didn’t know what I wanted.”
He broke the eye contact to look back down at his hands. I did the same. I still felt alone. We had both apologized, yet something was still hanging heavy in the air. I knew what it was, but as I tried to think of words to describe my extreme loneliness, I saw his hand softly settle on mine. I felt his warmth again, and as he started stroking the back of my one hand, my love for him seemed to spread like a fire within my veins. I closed my eyes as I enjoyed our wordless reconciliation. I’ve missed you so much. Your touch. Your warmth. Your love.
I opened my eyes to look him in the eye, and my gaze was met with his incredibly caring eyes – the spark in them was glowing bright, which comforted me intently. It was then it hit me. I’m gonna hurt him.
I kept our eye contact as I lifted my fingers and let his slide in between mine. I squeezed softly and looked down at our entangled fingers.

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” I said softly. I stroked the back of his hand with my index finger for a little while, before I dared look him in the eye. The sadness in his eyes stung me hard – a sharp pain in my chest. He wasn’t looking at me, but at our plaited hands on the table. I saw the sadness, but also the understanding in his eyes. He knew it was true – we couldn’t go on. Even though he knew this, I still needed to convince him – and myself.
“I’ll just wind up hurting you,” I whispered, before the tear in my eye finally came loose and rolled down my cheek.

Frank’s P.O.V.

When I looked up, I realised that we were both crying. An immediate need to comfort Gerard rushed over me, and before I knew of it I was leaning over the corner of the table hugging him. I felt the sharp edge gnaw in my ribcage, but when Gerard put his arms around me and hugged back, all pain seemed to go away – at least for a few seconds. Soon the pain of the edge gnawing into my ribs grew. I tried to move, but with no luck – the edge was still gnawing. Gerard seemed to pick up on this – he loosened his grip around me and leaned back a bit. I missed his touch as I leaned back myself. I felt painfully alone for a second, before I realized that Gerard had gotten to his feet and was stretching out his arms down towards me. I immediately got up and rushed into a tight embrace. I squeezed as hard as I could, and I could barely breathe in his even tighter hold on me. God, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed him. You.

Suddenly I heard a knock on the door, which startled me a bit, but it didn’t seem to surprise Gerard. He loosened his grip around me and looked me in the eye. He closed his eyes as he drew in a deep breath, before he turned to face the door – still holding his one arm around my shoulder. The door opened slowly, and in stepped Ray.

“Are you still alive in here?” Ray asked carefully with a playful smile on his face. “No hair pulling or bitch slapping?” Bob showed up behind him laughing under his breath, followed by Brian, Mikey and Worm.

“Oh, shut up!” Gerard said, before leaving my side to punch and then hug Ray. I went over to hug Bob, Mikey and Worm before we all sat down around the table. Gerard sat back in the same chair, but Mikey stole mine and Bob sat in the one on the other side of Gerard, so I was forced to sit further away from Gerard than before.
As I watched him from afar, I realized that it might be best to be apart. I don’t wanna pour all of my torn feelings on him, when he needs his strength to get better.

Gerard’s P.O.V.

“So, how’re you doing?” Ray asked me – luckily with no sadness, worry or awkwardness in his voice.

“Okay,” I said quickly. It didn’t describe much – it was an automatic response I had gotten used to using. It answered the question, so I never needed to explain further how everything was progressing – it was an easy way out. I couldn’t tell them the full story. I didn’t have the heart to tell them. The chemo wasn’t working well anymore, and the treatments had intensified. It’s really bad this time.
I looked over at Frank, who was now sitting further away than before. He had sadness in his eyes, and I knew that he didn’t believe my answer. He saw right through my shallow and easy answer. He didn’t comment on it though. He didn’t wanna pick a fight – especially not this one.