Spike Me and Save Me

Bob’s P.O.V.

Just one day after the wedding, we were on a plain going to Copenhagen to continue our European tour. Even though it was sort of our job, Frank took it as an opportunity to go on a honeymoon. Jamia came along, and we never really saw much of them. They spent every moment they could alone together, and none of us blamed him.
The rest of us did the usual – signing, talking, interviewing and setting up for the shows. Frank had to join in on the last thing at some point, but we let him do it at the last possible minute every time. He always had Jamia by his side – except for when he played on stage – and it made me miss my own girlfriend back home. She’d decided to stay home during this tour, but being away from her only made me love her more, so I sometimes enjoyed it – loving her from afar. Only seeing her in my mind – imagining her beauty in front of me.

“Hey!” Gerard suddenly said and came up to sit next to me behind the drums. He sat down on the floor in front of the snare drum close to my knee, with a bottle of water in his hand. He took a sip before he screwed on the cap and put it down beside him.
“I was thinking of doing a speech after Wolves. Just so you’re prepared,” he said, before he glanced over his shoulder. I didn’t know what he was looking for, but for some odd reason, it made me think of his cancer. He’s getting chemo tomorrow.
I saw a glimpse of him lying in a hospital bed, before I snapped out of it and focused on the base drum at my feet. Every time my mind wandered off into thoughts of Gerard’s cancer, I stopped myself and focused on something safe for a while until the images were gone. I avoided those thoughts as much as possible, but it was hard at times – sometimes they would just attack me from out of nowhere. It was hard to get rid of the sudden thoughts and images, but what was harder to get rid of was the thoughts that crept up and slowly invaded my brain. It usually happened when I was lying in my bed at night, trying to fall asleep. I would be all alone, and because of the dark I couldn’t stare at something to take my mind off of it. It was like I was forced – by myself – to face it before I could go to sleep. Yet the thoughts about the cancer itself weren’t what scared me the most – what scared me the most was that I was starting to only see one end to it all.
In a way, every day was a waiting game for me – I was waiting to break. At some point it would all come crashing down, and I would break. It seemed inevitable. No matter how many times I twisted and turned it in my head, I just couldn’t see a happy ending. He’s gonna die.

Gerard’s speech was like any other speech – just a lot of words put together in a way that seemed poetic and unique. It probably was poetic and unique, but I barely ever listened anymore. While he was talking, it hit me that his birthday was coming up. What should I get him?
When we started playing the next song, it suddenly hit me. Is he gonna last that long?
The thought made me fuck up a beat or two, but I quickly regained focus and the thought didn’t bother me again – at least not until that night.

We finished our last European tour in London, and went back to The States to have one week off from “work” and relax. I went to Chicago to visit my family, while the rest of the guys stayed down in Jersey. I only called Ray once to confirm when they were going to pick me up, and that was about all the contact I had with any of them until the last US tour started. Hopefully it won’t be our last ever.

“Hey, dude!” Ray yelled out the window of the black SUV. I waved a hand, and smiled big when he pulled his head back in and his hair had problems getting in with him. He should never cut that thing. If he does, I’ll be standing between him and the scissors.
Our first show back in the states was awesome! I loved every minute of it, and afterwards when we all crashed in the back room – exhausted, but happy – I realized how much I’d missed the guys. What if this really is our last tour? We can’t continue this band without its founder, creator and leader.
I blinked to rid my mind of the thought, and instead concentrated on regaining any sort of strength in my leg muscles.

Just 4 days into the tour, we already had our first crazy incident on stage. It wasn’t until I couldn’t hear Mikey’s bass anymore that I actually noticed it. I lifted my head to see what was going on, and it wasn’t until I saw Gerard pushing some strange guy that I stopped drumming. I looked over to the right to find Worm, but he and some other security people were already all over the guy. He was dragged out, and while Gerard picked up his mike from the floor, all I could do was stare dumbfound at my drumsticks. I could’ve done something. I could have gotten up. Or thrown a drumstick at the fucker.
Gerard said something, but I didn’t listen. Fuck! He could’ve gotten hurt! They all could! I could!
Before I knew it, I heard Mikey’s bass again, and I automatically started pounding at my drums again. Get over it! I never even saw him coming. I couldn’t have done anything!
I drowned my thoughts in the beat of the drums, and after the show I kept convincing myself of the fact that I couldn’t have done anything.

“Why the hell wasn’t he stopped!?” Gerard yelled. He was furious. He was sitting on the couch beside me, but he wasn’t still.
“How the fuck could he get up on the fucking stage?!” Gerard flung his arms around – nearly hitting me once or twice – as he stared furiously at Worm and the security guard in charge of The Joint. Why didn’t I see him? Why didn’t I see the fucker coming onto the stage?

“He was stopped once, but I guess he found another way up,” the security guy said, but we all knew that excuse wasn’t enough – not at all.

“Well that shouldn’t be fucking possible!” Gerard’s face was red with fury. Is that healthy for him?
“He almost attacked Frank! If I hadn’t been in his way, god knows what’d happened to Frank!” What?
I lifted my head in confusion. I looked over at Frank. He attacked Frank? He was after Frank?
Frank stared at his hands on his stomach. He looked shocked and… Scared?

“Gerard, just relax. We’ll up the security on the rest of the shows, just in case,” Worm said softly to calm Gerard down. “This won’t happen again.”

“And that’s great and all, but what the fuck does that help to what happened tonight?!” Gerard answered back. He was still mad, but his voice was a little lower and calmer.

“Nothing,” Ray suddenly said – short and definite. When I looked over at him, he had a tired expression on his face.
“Yes it happened, but thankfully we’re all okay. Just let it the fuck go.” Ray’s voice was surprisingly calm, only with a few stresses. And with that, the subject was closed.