Spike Me and Save Me
Friends O' Mine
Ray’s P.O.V.
Even though we were on tour, Gerard still had his regular treatments. I was worried that the doctors might fuck up somewhere, but they all seemed to handle the situation well, and Gerard’s treatments seemed the same – which was good, but then again not. He would spend the entire night after a treatment shivering and throwing up – even though he barely ever ate anything. It always surprised me more than it worried me, when Gerard stepped on stage just 24 hours after he’d had pure poison pumped into his system. He hid everything well. I actually think we’re the only people in the world who know about this.
Of course that wasn’t true – there were doctors, nurses and even orderlies who knew – but at least none of our fans knew. I don’t even think his family knows. Not even Lyn-Z.
Even though it had been clear for weeks – even months – that Gerard would have to undergo a treatment on his birthday, it wasn’t until the day before that I remembered it.
“How do we do it tomorrow?” I asked Worm. He was sitting on a plastic deckchair outside – like always – making sure we were safe. I knew it was just a way for him to avoid the realisation of Gerard’s disease, and even though I knew he was hurting, I let him have his comfort zone – his safe place. I sat down across from him.
“Should we celebrate him before or…” I didn’t continue as I realized that the option of celebrating Gerard after his treatment didn’t exist.
“We could bring the gifts to the hospital,” Worm said, and I was utterly surprised of what he’d said. He sprung out of his comfort zone. He’s facing up to it.
I looked over at him to make sure he was all right, and I was surprised by the fact that he was just sitting there – all calm.
“Yeah,” I said in a low, but certain voice.
“We could do that.” I tried to sound encouraging, but I guess it didn’t cover my surprise. Worm smiled slightly – fake – and looked me in the eye. I didn’t quite know what he was trying to tell me, so I just softened my eyes and turned the corners of my mouth slightly upwards. He’s faking it. He’s not okay – far from it. He’s just trying to get me off his back.
I got up and walked back onto the bus – letting Worm have his needed sanctuary.
Mikey’s P.O.V.
When we arrived at the door to Gerard’s room, we all had presents, balloons and candy – we even had a cake. Cupcake, but whatever.
As I turned around to make sure we were all there and all had our things, I realized how fucking stupid, pathetic and childish we all looked. This is going to be the best fucking birthday ever!
“Surprise,” we all yelled when I ripped the door open. The nurse at the receptionist desk had told us to be quiet, but how the fuck can you expect a rock band to do that? I knew she hated us, but I didn’t care. She can scold us all she wants – I just wanna give my brother the best birthday of his life.
“Fuck off!” Gerard said, waving around the hand that had flown to his chest when we first came in.
“Like hell we will,” Bob said and threw a balloon towards Gerard. Since it was a balloon, it didn’t go very far.
“Happy birthday, bro’,” I said and handed him my neatly wrapped present – bow and everything. Gerard studied the present, before looking suspiciously up at me.
“From Alicia too, huh?” I laughed lightly.
“I helped with the tape,” I said slowly, lifting my tone of voice at the end of the sentence to make the statement more pathetic than it already was. Gerard laughed, and to show his appreciation he slowly and carefully pulled off the tape as he unwrapped the present.
“Aw, thanks man!” he said, as he held up the frame. The picture was pretty recent – us back home on the living room couch, smiling and laughing. Gerard opened his arms towards me, and I sat down on the bed beside him before I hugged him tight – maybe tighter than ever. When we let go, I carefully made sure I wasn’t tangled up in any IV-lines. I sat on the bed while he opened the rest of his presents.
“Dude!” he screamed out as he opened Bob’s present. All I saw was a piece of black cloth, but when he put it down to hug Bob, I saw the skeleton-print on it. Fuck! Not another one!
After Gerard had eaten his birthday-cupcake and a large amount of box-chocolate, Frank lowly started to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ – but with different lyrics.
“Happy birthday to you,
What the hell can you do?
You’re old as a prune,
Happy birthday to you!” Frank sang, while he stared at his hands – on the blanket by Gerard’s legs – with an innocent look on his face. Yet all the innocence in the world couldn’t have saved him from Gerard’s fist in his arm.
“Au,” he squealed out and grabbed his arm where Gerard had punched it.
“That fucking hurt!” He had an angry look on his face as he turned towards Gerard, but it went into a stupid grin when he met Gerard’s stupid grin. I shook my head as I tried to wipe the stupid grin off of my face.
The rest of the day wasn’t as happy. On the way home Gerard threw up twice, and he even had to sprint into the bus to throw up once more when we got back. I rubbed his back for hours – both while he was throwing up and lying in the bed – and was replaced by Frank when my eyes became too heavy. When I laid down in my bunk, I did something I hadn’t done for years – mainly because I hadn’t been forced for years. Dear God. Please. I beg of you. Please save him. Please let him be okay. Please Dear God Almighty, please cure him. Let him live. I can’t live without him. Amen.
Even though we were on tour, Gerard still had his regular treatments. I was worried that the doctors might fuck up somewhere, but they all seemed to handle the situation well, and Gerard’s treatments seemed the same – which was good, but then again not. He would spend the entire night after a treatment shivering and throwing up – even though he barely ever ate anything. It always surprised me more than it worried me, when Gerard stepped on stage just 24 hours after he’d had pure poison pumped into his system. He hid everything well. I actually think we’re the only people in the world who know about this.
Of course that wasn’t true – there were doctors, nurses and even orderlies who knew – but at least none of our fans knew. I don’t even think his family knows. Not even Lyn-Z.
Even though it had been clear for weeks – even months – that Gerard would have to undergo a treatment on his birthday, it wasn’t until the day before that I remembered it.
“How do we do it tomorrow?” I asked Worm. He was sitting on a plastic deckchair outside – like always – making sure we were safe. I knew it was just a way for him to avoid the realisation of Gerard’s disease, and even though I knew he was hurting, I let him have his comfort zone – his safe place. I sat down across from him.
“Should we celebrate him before or…” I didn’t continue as I realized that the option of celebrating Gerard after his treatment didn’t exist.
“We could bring the gifts to the hospital,” Worm said, and I was utterly surprised of what he’d said. He sprung out of his comfort zone. He’s facing up to it.
I looked over at him to make sure he was all right, and I was surprised by the fact that he was just sitting there – all calm.
“Yeah,” I said in a low, but certain voice.
“We could do that.” I tried to sound encouraging, but I guess it didn’t cover my surprise. Worm smiled slightly – fake – and looked me in the eye. I didn’t quite know what he was trying to tell me, so I just softened my eyes and turned the corners of my mouth slightly upwards. He’s faking it. He’s not okay – far from it. He’s just trying to get me off his back.
I got up and walked back onto the bus – letting Worm have his needed sanctuary.
Mikey’s P.O.V.
When we arrived at the door to Gerard’s room, we all had presents, balloons and candy – we even had a cake. Cupcake, but whatever.
As I turned around to make sure we were all there and all had our things, I realized how fucking stupid, pathetic and childish we all looked. This is going to be the best fucking birthday ever!
“Surprise,” we all yelled when I ripped the door open. The nurse at the receptionist desk had told us to be quiet, but how the fuck can you expect a rock band to do that? I knew she hated us, but I didn’t care. She can scold us all she wants – I just wanna give my brother the best birthday of his life.
“Fuck off!” Gerard said, waving around the hand that had flown to his chest when we first came in.
“Like hell we will,” Bob said and threw a balloon towards Gerard. Since it was a balloon, it didn’t go very far.
“Happy birthday, bro’,” I said and handed him my neatly wrapped present – bow and everything. Gerard studied the present, before looking suspiciously up at me.
“From Alicia too, huh?” I laughed lightly.
“I helped with the tape,” I said slowly, lifting my tone of voice at the end of the sentence to make the statement more pathetic than it already was. Gerard laughed, and to show his appreciation he slowly and carefully pulled off the tape as he unwrapped the present.
“Aw, thanks man!” he said, as he held up the frame. The picture was pretty recent – us back home on the living room couch, smiling and laughing. Gerard opened his arms towards me, and I sat down on the bed beside him before I hugged him tight – maybe tighter than ever. When we let go, I carefully made sure I wasn’t tangled up in any IV-lines. I sat on the bed while he opened the rest of his presents.
“Dude!” he screamed out as he opened Bob’s present. All I saw was a piece of black cloth, but when he put it down to hug Bob, I saw the skeleton-print on it. Fuck! Not another one!
After Gerard had eaten his birthday-cupcake and a large amount of box-chocolate, Frank lowly started to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ – but with different lyrics.
“Happy birthday to you,
What the hell can you do?
You’re old as a prune,
Happy birthday to you!” Frank sang, while he stared at his hands – on the blanket by Gerard’s legs – with an innocent look on his face. Yet all the innocence in the world couldn’t have saved him from Gerard’s fist in his arm.
“Au,” he squealed out and grabbed his arm where Gerard had punched it.
“That fucking hurt!” He had an angry look on his face as he turned towards Gerard, but it went into a stupid grin when he met Gerard’s stupid grin. I shook my head as I tried to wipe the stupid grin off of my face.
The rest of the day wasn’t as happy. On the way home Gerard threw up twice, and he even had to sprint into the bus to throw up once more when we got back. I rubbed his back for hours – both while he was throwing up and lying in the bed – and was replaced by Frank when my eyes became too heavy. When I laid down in my bunk, I did something I hadn’t done for years – mainly because I hadn’t been forced for years. Dear God. Please. I beg of you. Please save him. Please let him be okay. Please Dear God Almighty, please cure him. Let him live. I can’t live without him. Amen.