Spike Me and Save Me

Frank’s P.O.V.

I woke up by the door of the bus closing. I knew that sound all too well. Even though I had heard it over a million times before, it still woke me up – even from my deepest sleep. I usually just went back to sleep if I was tired enough, but because of Gerard’s weird behaviour this last month or two, I had to know if it was him who was sneaking off. I was worried about him. I was usually able to get him to talk to me when he was upset, but he pushed me away every time I made an attempt.
I sat up slightly and fumbled for my phone. 3:30. God! No one is up at this hour!
I got out of bed and walked through the bus towards the door. I put on my shoes – didn’t bother to tie them – and went out the door. It was dark as hell. It was a little chilly, so I put my hands in my hoodie and raised my shoulders, trying to expose as little skin as possible. I looked around; trying to spot whomever it was that had left the bus. Obviously I was mainly looking for the figure of Gerard. I could barely even see the stage, which was usually very easy to spot. Suddenly I saw a small, barely noticeable, orange light by the stage. A cigarette? Gerard?
I started walking towards the stage. Halfway, I regretted not having tied my shoes; I stepped on one of the laces and fell flat on my face. I lied for a second or two, before I got up. I brushed the dirt off my pants while I cursed at myself and of whoever invented shoelaces.
When I finally made it to the side of the stage, the orange light was still glowing in the dark. Behind the light, I saw the silhouette of Gerard’s face. I could recognize his face anywhere, even in complete darkness – his characteristic cheekbones sticking out and his eyebrows close to his eyelashes. He was sitting on the edge of the stage, feet hanging down in front of the stage.
I walked up the stairs on the side of the stage and entered the area that we had played on for a few nights now; and that we were going to play tomorrow night too. I mean tonight… Oh, whatever!
It wasn’t until I was three feet away from him that he seemed to notice my presence. He glanced back over his shoulder. He let his eyes run from my shoes up to my eyes, as a surprised look fell upon his face. My eyes had adjusted to the dark, so it was easier to see.
After a short second of eye contact, he turned his head back to his cigarette. I sat next to him, and we both stared out over the empty field, where – in about 18 hours – thousands would be standing and listening to us play “the show of our lives”. Or of their lives.

“Hey”, I said when I had adjusted to sitting on the not-so-comfortable stage-floor.

“Hey”, Gerard said back, before sucking one last time on the pathetic butt that was left of his cigarette. He blew out the smoke – seeming to enjoy every little cloud of smoke that exited over his lips – before he flicked the butt into the dark. I followed it, saw it land on the moist grass and slowly lose its glow. Someone was going to step on that butt – probably some insane fan-girl – and not even realize whose lips it had touched. For a second, I myself wished I had touched what that butt had touched, but I snapped out of it and turned my head to look at Gerard. He seemed upset. I sometimes felt like I had some sort of telepathic connection to him – sometimes I knew exactly how he felt, even when he hadn’t said a thing.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Sure”, he said quietly. I could barely hear him. I knew something was wrong. Come on! Who wakes up at 3:30 am, go and sit on a lonely stage, just to have a smoke?! Talk to me, Gee!
I was getting a little agitated; either because it was three fucking thirty am, or because he was pushing me away again. It hurt when he pushed me away. I felt like screaming at him and hugging him all at once, but I didn’t know what to say. My brain was empty. I just stared at his eyes – trying to read them. I wanted to know what went on in there. What’s the matter, love?
My eyes soon slid down to his lips, and my thoughts trailed off to something completely different. I licked my lips, as I imagined them touching his – gently and with great passion. I bit my bottom lip – hearing my lip ring getting caught between my teeth. Gerard must have heard it too, or sensed that I was staring at him, because suddenly I realized that his whole mouth was facing me. I mentally startled and quickly shot my eyes up at his – hoping that he hadn’t noticed where they had focused.
As soon as I saw his eyes, I knew he had noticed. He seemed a bit shocked, yet his eyebrows didn’t wrinkle – it was just his eyes that seemed confused and questioning. I turned my head away from his look and looked out on the field again. Please, don’t ask. Please, just forget it. It’s too fucking hard to have you turn me down. It’s better to live in a dream, than to live in a broken soul with a broken heart as a neighbour.
I heard him breathe in deep, as if he wanted to say something, but the silence continued.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat from the awkwardness and looked up at him. This time it was my turn to catch him and his stare. He was staring at my lips. Is he thinking what I’m thinking? Or is he just considering getting a lip piercing? No… He’s petrified of needles. Does he feel the same?
He turned his head when he realized that I had noticed his stare – or his gaze, to be more exact. Without really knowing what controlled my body, I placed my index finger under his chin and gently pushed his face to face mine. I looked deeply into his eyes, feeling like I suddenly knew everything there was to know about him. I felt like I was a part of him. I felt like our hearts were meant to be one instead of two, and if I didn’t connect the two pieces, we were going to vanish into thin air.
I leaned in towards him as my eyes fixated on his lips. As I got closer, I saw the cracks along his bottom lip, and when I got even closer I saw a bit of ash underneath it. I didn’t care. It was part of his smell, his scent, his taste.
When his nose got in the way of the view of his gorgeous lips, I closed my eyes.
When our lips met, I felt an immediate rush through my entire body. It felt like helium in my lungs and stomach. Soon after, it seemed that the helium gathered in my heart and then exploded. A warm, tingling – almost painful – sensation went through my every vein. I felt it in the tip of my toes. I felt it in the tip of my fingers. Heck, it even seemed like my every straw of hair was feeling the rush too. I had wanted this for so long. All our on-stage kisses had just been a warm up – this was the real deal. This is love.
The kiss intensified, and soon my mouth opened and Gerard’s tongue entered my mouth.

Gerard’s P.O.V.

It was fucking great! Feeling Frank’s lips again was so amazing. We hadn’t kissed in weeks. Months, I guessed… Yet stage kisses were never like this one. This was so much more intense. I felt my stomach and my heart tangle up into two big lumps. It felt incredible. I never thought he liked me like that. Damn, I was glad he did. I felt his lips separate, and without thinking about it, I slid my tongue into his mouth. His tongue tasted great – morning breath was not the best taste in the world, but Frank’s morning breath was so sweet, yet sharp. His breath hit my lips and sent warm shivers through my bloodstreams.
As I ran my tongue over his, a small moan escaped Frank’s mouth and entered mine. Fuck!
My eyes flew open. I can’t do this! Stop it, god dammit! You’re setting him up for pain, Gerard!
I pulled away from him fast. His mouth was still open and his eyes still shut, as I stared at him – horrified. Fuck! Shit! God dammit!
I felt my eyes well up with tears as Frank’s eyes fluttered open. When his eyes met mine, they immediately filled with disappointment, worry and sadness. Fuck! It’s too late.

“I’m sorry”, I quickly whispered, getting up as fast as I could. I’ve got to get away! I can’t hurt him like this.

“Gee!” Frank almost shouted as I ran for the stairs. I didn’t know where to go. If I went back onto the bus, Frank would just demand a conversation. I can’t handle it. I can’t lie to him anymore.
I stuck a hand in my pocket. Yes! Car keys!
I went to the car and got in. I saw Frank running towards the car, but I drove off before he reached it. I’m sorry. I love you. I want you, but I can’t stand hurting you.