Spike Me and Save Me
Don't Let Go
Frank’s P.O.V.
I woke up, not wanting to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face the possibility that Gerard might be in that fucking mess again. Last time it had tortured me seeing him suffer like that. I wouldn’t be able to see that again. His pain had always been my pain. If only his heart was mine too.
And the kiss had only made it harder. Did he like me or not? Would I be able to help him get out?
Yet I had to face it – I couldn’t stay in bed all day. I swung my legs out over the side and looked down – no suitcase. I felt a slight guilt come over me, but I washed it away with my first coffee of the day. I walked back passed the bunks and entered the living area. Bob and Ray were playing some random game on the Xbox – my Xbox actually.
“Good morning”, Ray said after having spotted me in the corner of his eye. “Hope you don’t mind us…” he said, before being sucked into a shoot-out – Bob probably being the enemy.
“Hey”, Bob managed to say, while manically hitting the buttons of the joystick.
“It’s cool”, I said, sitting down on the couch behind them that they weren’t using. Apparently shooting-games were a lot more fun being played within two inches of the screen.
“Is Gerard still sleeping?” I asked when the heat of the game seemed to have cooled down after a little while.
“No. He’s off doing some interview or something”, Ray said, never taking his eyes off the screen.
I nodded, even though I knew they couldn’t see me. I hadn’t heard about an interview, but then again, I was always the last to know these sorts of things.
I spent the next hour or so watching Ray and Bob playing their game. They offered me to take over for one of them, but I wasn’t in a mood for playing videogames. I tried to take my thoughts off of Gerard, but I kept seeing his face. The sickest thing was that I saw his face on the people who were killed in the game – each time a bullet hit one of those men, I saw Gerard being shot and falling to the ground in a swirl of pain.
At some point Worm walked in. He had the same look on his face he had had since our talk last night. His eyebrows were constantly wrinkled, even when he sat down next to me and relaxed. I had finished my second cup of coffee and I decided to get dressed. As I went back and forth pass the bunks, I kept looking at Gerard’s empty bunk as I passed it. I don’t want it to be empty again.
I tried keeping myself busy to escape the thought of Gerard being in rehab again – I got dressed, brushed my teeth, spent a full 15 minutes on my hair, repacked my clothes so that it was lying neatly folded in my suitcase. When I ran out of things to do, I decided to put on make-up – not much, just some eyeliner or something. It would fill out about 10 minutes of my time if I did it slow.
I found my eyeliner and went to the bathroom. I got up close to the mirror, but as soon as the pencil touched my eye, it broke. The tip broke off and fell into the drain. I sighed and went back into the living room area, where Ray and Bob had finally stopped playing and were just sitting around staring at some random TV-show.
“Any of you got a pencil sharpener?” I asked. I already knew their answer, but at least I could try.
“Nope”, Bob said without taking his eyes off the TV.
“Gerard probably got one”, Ray said, looking up at me. His eyes were slightly blood-shot – probably from sitting so close to the TV for that long.
I turned around and walked to Gerard’s bunk. I knew that he probably had one in his make-up bag, but I didn’t like to rummage through his stuff without his permission. At least now, I can blame Ray. He practically told me to do it.
I searched through his bunk for the bag – I found it stuck between the madras and the back wall. It had probably gotten there during the night. I opened it, but I didn’t find any pencil sharpener. Fuck!
I woke up, not wanting to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face the possibility that Gerard might be in that fucking mess again. Last time it had tortured me seeing him suffer like that. I wouldn’t be able to see that again. His pain had always been my pain. If only his heart was mine too.
And the kiss had only made it harder. Did he like me or not? Would I be able to help him get out?
Yet I had to face it – I couldn’t stay in bed all day. I swung my legs out over the side and looked down – no suitcase. I felt a slight guilt come over me, but I washed it away with my first coffee of the day. I walked back passed the bunks and entered the living area. Bob and Ray were playing some random game on the Xbox – my Xbox actually.
“Good morning”, Ray said after having spotted me in the corner of his eye. “Hope you don’t mind us…” he said, before being sucked into a shoot-out – Bob probably being the enemy.
“Hey”, Bob managed to say, while manically hitting the buttons of the joystick.
“It’s cool”, I said, sitting down on the couch behind them that they weren’t using. Apparently shooting-games were a lot more fun being played within two inches of the screen.
“Is Gerard still sleeping?” I asked when the heat of the game seemed to have cooled down after a little while.
“No. He’s off doing some interview or something”, Ray said, never taking his eyes off the screen.
I nodded, even though I knew they couldn’t see me. I hadn’t heard about an interview, but then again, I was always the last to know these sorts of things.
I spent the next hour or so watching Ray and Bob playing their game. They offered me to take over for one of them, but I wasn’t in a mood for playing videogames. I tried to take my thoughts off of Gerard, but I kept seeing his face. The sickest thing was that I saw his face on the people who were killed in the game – each time a bullet hit one of those men, I saw Gerard being shot and falling to the ground in a swirl of pain.
At some point Worm walked in. He had the same look on his face he had had since our talk last night. His eyebrows were constantly wrinkled, even when he sat down next to me and relaxed. I had finished my second cup of coffee and I decided to get dressed. As I went back and forth pass the bunks, I kept looking at Gerard’s empty bunk as I passed it. I don’t want it to be empty again.
I tried keeping myself busy to escape the thought of Gerard being in rehab again – I got dressed, brushed my teeth, spent a full 15 minutes on my hair, repacked my clothes so that it was lying neatly folded in my suitcase. When I ran out of things to do, I decided to put on make-up – not much, just some eyeliner or something. It would fill out about 10 minutes of my time if I did it slow.
I found my eyeliner and went to the bathroom. I got up close to the mirror, but as soon as the pencil touched my eye, it broke. The tip broke off and fell into the drain. I sighed and went back into the living room area, where Ray and Bob had finally stopped playing and were just sitting around staring at some random TV-show.
“Any of you got a pencil sharpener?” I asked. I already knew their answer, but at least I could try.
“Nope”, Bob said without taking his eyes off the TV.
“Gerard probably got one”, Ray said, looking up at me. His eyes were slightly blood-shot – probably from sitting so close to the TV for that long.
I turned around and walked to Gerard’s bunk. I knew that he probably had one in his make-up bag, but I didn’t like to rummage through his stuff without his permission. At least now, I can blame Ray. He practically told me to do it.
I searched through his bunk for the bag – I found it stuck between the madras and the back wall. It had probably gotten there during the night. I opened it, but I didn’t find any pencil sharpener. Fuck!